...Time Flies Like A Banana

Terry @ Bent Objects makes me laugh. Most of the time.

The Dug-Out

Why do you lie with your legs ungainly huddled,
And one arm bent across your sullen, cold,
Exhausted face? it hurts my heart to watch you,
Deep-shadow'd from the candle's guttering gold;
And you wonder why I shake you by the shoulder;
Drowsy, you mumble and sigh and turn your head...
You are too young to fall asleep for ever;
And when you sleep you remind me of the dead.
~~St. Venant, July 1918

Consuming Art

Jeff Baldwin, in a course of lectures at Worldview Academy, explained to me that art has two components: Content and Form. What does one do with art that has exquisite form but awful content? One of my favorite quotes about art comes from a Spanish designer:

Creation continues incessantly through the media of man. But man does not create...he discovers. Those who look for the laws of Nature as a support for their new works collaborate with the creator. Copiers do not collaborate. Because of this, originality consists in returning to the origin.
~Antonio Gaudi

But, as Melkor did in The Silmarillion, some artists return to an impossible origin. What then? Obviously, participating in this art will result in disturbed thoughts and a faltering soul.

But can I not participate to some degree, and glean what I might find useful?

What if I enjoy this art? Does God forbid it?

God forbids many things that are deemed "good" if they are in the wrong context.

Edit: While perusing I Corinthians 15 in response to a friend's post, I read verses 33 and 34:

Do not be deceived: “Bad company ruins good morals.” Wake up from your drunken stupor, as is right, and do not go on sinning. For some have no knowledge of God. I say this to your shame.
~I Corinthians 15: 33-34

Hope

When we cease to seek a world that ought to be, and stop using our imaginative capacities generatively, we have forfeited our capacity to hope, and re-create. In this sense, recreation, even the leisure of fishing, points to re-creation, our central task of rebuilding a broken universe. If a trout, or other enchanted creatures of nature, cannot be allowed to inhabit our urban world, swimming against the currents of the economy and flowing into the currents of cultural production, we have already closed the door to the generative reality, making the re-humanization of our world unattainable.
~Makoto Fujimura

Sometimes, artists use words instead of paint. I would like to be in the business of hoping, as Mako is.

It's the Late, Late--I mean, Really Early Show!

Yes, yes...it's 4 AM and I cannot sleep. Methods I've tried tonight:

1. Staring at the ceiling
2. Staring at the insides of my eyelids
3. Listening to music in my head
4. Praying (I lack the discipline to pray for 4 straight hours)
5. Reading
6. Sketching

The painting in the post below has my artistic mind churning. I tried to sketch a sunset resembling Munch's, with some of my own technique, but couldn't figure out how to make the sunrays and the waves interact. So then I got out some color, hoping that would help...but I think pastel is the wrong media for such a blatant image. Too soft. Also, I should get/make a blending pencil. Some day.

I'm kinda concerned that I can't sleep. College fencing practice is tomorrow, and I'd really like to go, but after that I have set-up for church (it's in a different location, ergo the Saturday set-up) and then 4 hours of work. I've been doing nothing all week due to illness, so I'm concerned that no sleep + fencing + set up + work could equal a sicker Elf come Sunday morning. Sigh. And I already didn't go to practice on Thursday because I didn't feel good.

Oh wow! I haven't blogged about the tournament last weekend yet! Well, then, here's the report.

The weekend was a smashing success. My fears about what could happen when a bunch of college students rent some hotel rooms for a weekend were unfounded, at least for the night I spent with them. Thank God! I fenced the best I ever have in my life, which is remarkable because by 2 PM I was a metabolic mess. I had failed to carbo-load the day before the tournament, so after a few hours of fencing my body had no more energy to give my muscles or my brain. Ergo I could have won the bronze medal match for my team, but failed by one point. I tracked my performance, and won 7 bouts in a row before crashing...maybe next time I'll be able to extend that streak by planning better. Ah well. 4th place out of 20 colleges ain't bad, and we even got medals! So now I can say I medalled in a collegiate fencing conference :-)

The girls fenced the first day and the guys fenced the day afterward, so for the day that I was fencing I had a wonderful support group of guys from the team. Will was our main coach, and did a fantastic job. If he weren't so keen on leaving my city I'd ask him to join my coaching staff. Josh, who is planning to get his Master's degree in fencing (ack! So jealous), helped me with doing specific drills for some of my opponents, and tried to get me to fence smarter :-P Maybe I should ask him to join my staff...

Why did I fence so much better that weekend than other tournaments? The team aspect made a huge difference to me--I'm used to it because of high school. Individual bouts were better because I was not trying to analyze every scrap of information I could. Apparently I fence better when I'm slightly spaced out! By the end of the day I was pretty giddy and probably annoyed a lot of my teammates. Oops. Being sick didnt help that.

A note on some teams...our first match was against Swarthmore College, our hosts. None of us had warmed up (BAD idea), so we lost miserably. But we finished way ahead of them in the standings. Huh. Navy had a team there...and I was like "oh these girls should be fun to beat," expecting them to be all hardcore etc. Nope. Not so much as a fleche out of them. (PS I scored on fleches a lot! Weird.) William & Mary's team looked like they could all be relatives...after our match, one of their girls asked me if I spoke Icelandic. I don't, but told her I was a linguistics major, which made her explode in joy. Rather funny to watch someone else have reactions that I usually have :-) We had beaten Florida earlier in the day, but they beat us in the bronze medal match. Both matches were won or lost by one bout. They were a frustrating team to fence, but it was good fencing.

Also, I found a magic weapon. Well, ok, it wasn't magical, but the grip (large Belgian) fit my hand remarkably well, and though the blade had several weak spots (I prayed it wouldn't break on any of my opponents), it was light enough that the weight of the weapon was pretty far toward my hand. Yay! It's a lot easier to fence with lighter weapons and/or weapons that are weighted toward the hand. I was borrowing this particular weapon from Alex, because all of my weapons failed. Jason fixed one of my weapons and fell in love with it (it has a German grip and really flexible blade), so I told him I'd trade it for Alex's weapon (named Lucille). Maybe I should show up at practice tomorrow, if only to see if Jason got that worked out with Alex!

With that, I think I'm going to try this novel thing they call "sleeping."

Edvard Munch

Images move me. This particular image I found because of the D'arte Board.

The Sun by Edvard Munch

I could stare at this painting for a long time and still be learning. Agh! This is why they say a picture is worth a thousand words...I can't really describe to you why I appreciate it. Edvard Munch used "blood" a lot to describe the substance of a sunset, and he got it here. It's elegantly violent, what with the water and rocks and shooting red/blue/yellow rays. And then the ring pattern around the sun. Some day I would like to get a large poster version of this and hang it in my studio space.

Please, please tell me you recognize this artist. Recently his most famous painting was stolen and damaged by the thieves. The news made me sick to my stomach.

Images move me.

Layout

Welcome to my new--well, different-- blog! A certain feline friend of mine texted me yesterday and said "I need ur username and password for Blogger to upload ur new layout." And I was like "oh? I have a new layout?" And this is what I found when I got home :-) Isn't it beautiful? As Jason noted below, I've always had a pre-fab design, which was adequate for my blog (I do love green), but really wasn't as unique as the blogger. So I'm happy that someone who knows HTML better than I has made it unique. The elf in the header looks remarkably accurate.

Changes, however, will probably occur, since there are always rough spots in transitions, such as my Flickr flash disappearing. Also, even though 99% of the people in my city identify with the colors of black and gold (as well as many outside of my city), it just doesn't resonate with my blog so much. Maybe because I associate black and gold with football, I just can't see it working in an elvish realm :-) So the green is on its way back.

Storytelling

Thanks to Dord Defined, I heard this sermon and thought it would be worth remembering and sharing :-)

Home Less

Today, I had the privilege of spending about an hour and a half with a homeless girl. I honestly can't remember her name, so I'm going to call her Carli. She and her friend were panhandling on one of the many steep roads that lead to my college campus. "Stranded!" their sign announced. And then more letters and something about being "...very hungry!" My heart flip flopped, and I pulled over.

I've been reading a book called Under the Overpass, which hasn't changed my views on homeless people, but has strongly encouraged me to put those views into practical application. My policy: I never approach homeless or panhandling men. When they approach me, I'm extremely cautious and never give them anything (except maybe the time of day or directions). I would love to change this policy, but experience has taught me that strangers, and especially male strangers, should not be trusted. Most of the homeless that I've seen are male, so my ability to minister to the homeless is frighteningly small. Ergo I've been praying that God might put me in the path of some homeless females.

Lo and behold, God answered my prayers today! Honestly, I drove around the block several times while wrestling with the duty that called. I had a purpose that didn't include these young women. I didn't know who they were, or what they were doing, or what they could do. A quick call to my mom confirmed that my purpose and questions were disposable, and this is the first time I've seen women panhandling in months. So, I parked and introduced myself to Carli and her friend. I offered a ride, and mentioned food. They jumped at the chance, deciding that Carli would come with me and her friend would watch their stuff and wait to meet Carli's boyfriend. So, my adventure began.

After blasting the heat in hopes that Carli would stop shivering, I drove all around Oakland looking for a parking spot. A grocery store was very close to where I picked her up, but had no parking, so we meandered around (and narrowly avoided crashing into a bus--not my fault!) for a long time, looking for a store with a parking lot. Giant Eagle appeared unexpectedly, and in we went. I told Carli to get whatever she wanted, and she kept her costs around $10, despite my offers of band-aids for her blisters and some purified water. Efficient shopper, that girl!

Throughout this trip, I learned that Carli was a native to this city, but left home at the age of 16 because there was no more home. Her father died, various family members fell ill...so she started drifting. She'd been to lots of places throughout the US, traveling on the Greyhound, which sounded cool to me. She and her friend were living under a bridge in a park near my school, and had made friends with the guy who lived under the other end of the bridge. Do I believe her story? Yes. Do I think she could be living in a more secure place, with a more secure future? Yes to the first part, no to the second. Surely her wanderlust had compounded problems that were already there, ergo her constant wandering and lack of resources. However, none of us have a secure future. If I were in her shoes, I can't say I'd make different choices.

This venture opened up so many possibilities. Forget that I never finished my shopping list. Forget that my wallet is $11 lighter and that I used a lot of gas while looking for a parking lot. Mostly what I'd like to do is learn how to help her more. Sure, what I did might have fed her and her friend for a bit, and the heat in the car felt good, and hopefully our conversation was uplifting, but is that really helping? She mentioned hanging out at a christian shelter called "Connections," but I can't find anything on the internet related to that. I'm really curious about the possibility of volunteering with some such place, though.

Regardless of what I feed her or can do for her physical needs, she needs one thing only: Salvation by Christ alone. Carli told me that she loves Jesus and wants to be like him, but despises organized religion. She went to a Catholic school as a child, and knew some interesting things about the Bible. "Revelations is is WEIRD, man," and "those books--some former generation decided what goes in the Bible and what stays out--how do we know that it's OK for us today?" were two notable quotes. I mentioned that my church was unaffiliated, but couldn't remember the word..."like, non-denominational?" she asked. She seemed cool with that idea, and suddenly changed her opinion and said she likes to go to church and be with people who love each other and love God. Hmm. I regret not asking her to come to my church, but I knew she'd be unable to get there and I won't be at church this coming Sunday, so I am praying that she goes to some church, or that Connections will provide some spiritual guidance, or that God somehow moves in her life so she realizes what she needs.

Why do I write such things? Not to say anything about myself or Carli, but so that you, my dear readers, might be encouraged to see God in this situation and in situations around you. I pray that you and I will be salt unto the earth, that you would see God at work around you, and that you would seek to be part of it.

Please pray with me for Carli, her friend, and her boyfriend.

Yay 2009!

The first month of 2009 has been full of God's grace! Allow me to recount his blessings, and please forgive my scattered recollections...

I spent the first few days of 2009 (and the last few days of 2008) in Akron, OH. I am seriously considering the possibility of God moving me to that city in order to glorify and enjoy him there. Nothing is wrong with where I am now, though. My heart sometimes fills with tension when I consider my future.

Speaking of my future, I've been applying for quite a few jobs since finishing college (I haven't graduated yet, but that's a long story...). No interviews. Huh. I'm tempted to doubt God's grace in this area, but he has provided for me in so many ways through so many times that reason demands I continue to daily place my faith in him. The struggle to trust him for a job in the right place has been oddly constant, but I'm learning more about perseverance. And I can't honestly say I'm uncomfortable about it. Learning about perseverance and faith in such pleasant circumstances is a surprise.

When I returned from my sojourn in Akron, I was privileged to sit under some amazing teaching at my local church. This message about fear brought about some particularly sweet times of repentance. I realized that I've been idolizing fencing, and trying to plan my future around my high school team at the expense of God's plans for me. As a result, I've been afraid of change, lest my idol fall. Because of Mr. Pierson's ministry, I've shifted my priorities into a more correct formation, and though the thought of leaving my team still makes me sad, I am willing to follow Christ joyfully, into whatever future he has planned for me.

Concerning fencing, my high school team is doing all right. Authority is a dangerous tool. I enjoy wielding it, but am constantly aware that I could be abusing it. A friend who fenced with me in high school returned to help coach for a few weeks before leaving to serve with the Marines. It was great to hang out with him, because his Senior year of high school was fraught with troubles, some of his own doing and some of divine intervention. Since joining the Marines, he has regained control over his life, and redeemed his time in the military well. When he finishes, he hopes to come help me coach again. I hope so! I am praying fervently that he gives authority of his life to God, who helped him conquer drugs and addictive habits. What a sweet thing that would be. His situation gives me hope for some who are currently in the fencing program.

And also, soon I will be able to say that I competed as a collegiate fencer. Next weekend I am headed East to participate in a large fencing tournament for college fencing clubs. I'm so excited! I hope I am able to keep my scheming mind calm enough to compete well and also be a witness to those who are in the darkness. I suspect I am the only Christian going on this trip, and there will be many opportunities to display my hope in Christ.

I'm also able to say that I've been ice climbing and mountaineering :-) I spent approximately 24 hours with a family in my church, and what fun we had! It actually was more than 24 hours, if one counts the service we rendered to the church as part of the Tech team. After church, a lot of people went sledding, which provided me an opportunity to ask Mr. C about ice climbing. He had tentative plans to go the next day, and invited me. The family was kind enough to share dinner and give me a place to sleep until we departed at 6 AM. We climbed and mountaineered for most of the day, and finished with a trip to Sheetz. Dinner followed at their home, then I went to my house to recuperate. I was bruised and beaten and inspired. I can't thank them enough for 1) planning the trip, 2) coming on the trip, or 3) staying home and caring for the rest of the family while the crazy people went climbing. I love climbing. It's the best (and safest) adrenaline rush I've experienced so far :-) Here are photos, if you're interested.

And I'm happy to say I've done all this without missing a high school fencing practice :-) Though my attendance at college practices have been lax...

Random: I'm developing a taste for coffee. Odd!

Yay 2009?

Yay!

Random, I know. See Jason's Ode.

Amazement

And they say we just happened by chance...also, how is it that something built 2,000 years ago took us a hundred years to figure out?



Also, I'm amazed at my recent ability to track my packages on the internet. Right now, my climbing shoes are in Salt Lake City, UT :-)

One more thing...I'm amazed that I haven't posted in almost a month. Silly me. Semester review is coming up soon :-)

Sarah Grace

While writing my last post, I thought quite a bit about adoption. Thoughts about adoption bring to my mind thoughts about a particular family, who is in the process of adopting. Will you pray for them and their daughter?

Adoption

What a beautiful example of redemption. I was adopted, you know...God now treats me as his child, rather than his enemy.

1 Peter 3:7

Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.

This passage has always bothered me. How should I respond to it? Male and female roles in society have changed a lot from what they used to be, and will change again, I'm sure. So my initial response was to shove it under the (often inaccurate) blanket statement that, well, it must have been a cultural thing, and it doesn't apply to me now. But if all scripture is inspired by God and useful for many things, then how did this verse get into the Bible? The implications are a lot more serious than merely a cultural difference. Prayer is not a cultural thing, so how could Peter say that it could be hindered by something cultural?

After attacking this from a lot of different angles, the Holy Spirit illumined the scriptures to me. This passage is making no claims that all women are weaker than all men. I am not married, right? So it is making no claims about me, either. And if I am to be married some day, then I most certainly do want to marry a man who is spiritually stronger than I so that he can lead our family. So, when I get married, this verse will certainly apply to my husband. COOL!

3rd Party Woes

Vote (noun): The right to indicate a choice in an election.
Note that this definition doesn't say that the vote matters, just that it is indicated.

I cannot, in good conscience, choose McCain as President.

I will not vote for Obama for many, many reasons.

Problem? I think not, because I have more than two choices. Do you know how many people are running for President of the United States? I had to look it up. Six. Even the government's website only had two listed (anyone else find this outrageous and sick?). Did you know a Black woman was running for President? From the look of things, she has some good credentials, too. Just to be fair, there's this guy again and the Libertarian and the man I'm voting for.

If only the media were a bit more liberal in their coverage. Not Liberal, mind you, but liberal. Maybe "balanced" is a better word. Why do we hear so much about Sarah Palin and Barack Obama? Why is the media practically making up stuff to report about the Republican and Democrat nominees when there are four others who don't get coverage? Why aren't other candidates included in the debates?

Because the average voter is content to eat what mainstream media feeds them.

Forget about Left and Right. There's Up, and Down, and Forward, and Backward. Who knew?

"All education is self education." (Louis L'Amour) If people would educate themselves about the candidates they may choose, I'm convinced that the two domineering parties would be overtaken quite easily.

From what I've learned in my Game Theory class, my vote matters very little when it comes to national politics (one reason why I invest more in local politics than national politics). Besides, there's the Electoral College, which isn't even required to vote according to the wishes of the people they represent. However, my vote still matters because it indicates which candidate I choose and which candidates I do not choose. If not choosing McCain means that Obama gets in office, so be it. My conscience is at rest. God is omnipotent, and I pray he gives me the faith to let him control the election's outcome.



I'm debating about getting this shirt for $5. Two negatives: it costs $5 and it's white. But it involves kayaking (woohoo!) and politics.

Education Reform and the Presidential Race

This article (yes, I know, another link to Boundless) is a perfect example of why the education system in the United States should be demolished. Even as someone who wasn't mass-educated with peers, the system still affects me in negative ways. I hate it.

Which is why I'm voting for Chuck Baldwin as President. The man wants to disband the Department of Education, which is one of the things that Ron Paul wanted to do. By the way, Ron Paul endorsed Chuck Baldwin. While voting for Chuck isn't quite like voting for Ron Paul, I'm more confident in a vote for Chuck than I would be for any other candidate. Chuck's policies resonate with my convictions except in one area. He's said nothing about the environment and the so-called energy crisis, and I care very much about those issues.

Some would say that I'm throwing my vote away on a candidate who will never get into office. I disagree. Vehemently. Voting for one of two majority parties, neither of which I support or agree with, is throwing my vote away. Voting for the candidate who seems most likely to get into office but barely agrees with my views on anything is foolish. I don't want McCain in office! Sure, he's pro-life, but consider that he won't have power to stop abortion! I don't agree with his energy policy or his foreign policy or his VP candidate or the reasons why he chose Sarah Palin as his VP candidate. And yet, I can't vote for Barack Obama. The man has terrible views on foreign policy and would bring this country even closer to a socialist state. I can't vote for that.

I'm sick of this two-party majority.

Story of My (Night) Life

Daydreaming at Night
Thoughts spinning, I write
Nonsense over again.

Heart thumping, breathing,
Eyes open, staring
I want to fall asleep.

Analyzing all
Anything at all
My brain won't stop thinking.

Metallic tasting
I search for something
That makes my brain shut off.

No rest for the weary.

The Office

Today I was able to help around my church's office for a bit while Mom got ready to leave. As I was scribbling an address on a package, the assistant pastor walked up and sighed.
"Can I help you?" I asked.
"Nahh...I'm just tired."
"Oh. How many hours of sleep did YOU get last night?"
"Well, um...probably more than you did!"

I don't know if I got more or less sleep than he did, but that post on tithing took quite a bit of time out of last night. So when I got home from the office I slept for 6 hours, and here I am...awake still! 5 AM! Yay!

Remember how I watched a lot of action flicks this Summer during late nights? Now that school has started, I'm memorizing vocab lists :-) And occasionally researching theological topics.

Tithing

The two responses I've had to my last post indicate that I need to clarify my position on tithing. Thank you to those who responded! You challenged me to evaluate tithing from a strictly biblical perspective.

As a child, I learned about giving. My parents often gave me quarters to put in the offering box. (Why? I'm not sure.) The children's ministry in my church once did a skit about tithing. One of my teachers dressed up as a Hebrew woman, put some oranges in a basket, prayed that God would use them for his glory, and left them on a shelf. This left a big impact on me, because it was the first time I associated tithing with glorifying God. I remember distinctly getting $2 from somewhere (probably a gift-I was about 4) and deciding I would give it to God. So I dressed up as a Hebrew girl, put my $2 in a basket, prayed that God would use it for his glory, and left it on my dresser for weeks. I expected them to disappear. Nothing happened. I put them in the offering box at church, figuring it was more convenient for God to use them there. God still hasn't taken my tithes directly from me.

I couldn't think of any verses relating to tithing off the top of my head. That was embarrassing. The closest thing I could remember was the spiritual gift of giving (which I've prayed to receive). So I searched in my concordance for "tithe." There were 35 verses containing the word.

Tithing is first mentioned when Moses talked to God on Mt. Sinai. People were supposed to give gifts to God, and quite a few gifts are mentioned. The only quantitative value mentioned, however, is a tenth of seeds, fruit, and animals. All these gifts (not just the tithe) were given to the Levites, because they served in the Temple. The Levites were supposed to tithe on the tithes they collected. However, tithes also went to travelers, orphans, and widows.

Then there's the "Robbing God" passage, which seems to be a popular source of ideas on tithing.

Will man rob God? Yet you are robbing me. But you say, ‘How have we robbed you?’ In your tithes and contributions. You are cursed with a curse, for you are robbing me, the whole nation of you. Bring the full tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. And thereby put me to the test, says the Lord of hosts, if I will not open the windows of heaven for you and pour down for you a blessing until there is no more need. I will rebuke the devourer for you, so that it will not destroy the fruits of your soil, and your vine in the field shall not fail to bear, says the Lord of hosts. Then all nations will call you blessed, for you will be a land of delight, says the Lord of hosts.

This makes sense from personal experience and other testimonies. My parents have gone through periods of tithing and not tithing, and God was faithful to provide in either situation. But, according to my father, my family was blessed to not just "get by" but give sacrificially when tithing. However, I don't think God will only bless those who tithe. That's ridiculous; it ignores the grace that God continually pours on us, whether we acknowledge him or not. But it is a wonderful opportunity for God to prove his faithfulness and use us as tools for his will. Don't you want to be part of God's plan? I do! I think tithing can be one way that we participate in God's will.

Tithing is not supposed to be a burden. Jesus hated legalism, and said so with pretty strong language.

“Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you tithe mint and dill and cumin, and have neglected the weightier matters of the law: justice and mercy and faithfulness. These you ought to have done, without neglecting the others. You blind guides, straining out a gnat and swallowing a camel!"

But I would argue that, if you find tithing to be a burden, your wallet is not at fault. Your heart is. I do not know anyone who is destitute. I've never met anyone who is destitute, even the panhandlers that line the streets of my city. This is fodder for another blog post, but none of them have ever taken my offer of a free lunch after I refuse to give them money. I am not destitute, despite being what most classify as a "poor college student." I don't know any poor college students. If you're in college, which is an incredible privilege, you are not poor. Granted, you probably have a huge financial responsibility, but the fact that you were able to take on that responsibility indicates some amount of resources. If God has indicated that, by going to college, you are giving sacrificially, great! He hasn't given me that desire, but I'm not going to rule it out as a possibility for others.

The Bible doesn't reference a group of people who should not tithe. Even in the New Testament, Jesus encouraged his disciples (most of whom did not have jobs) to give sacrificially, and praised a woman who gave every financial asset she had.

And he sat down opposite the treasury and watched the people putting money into the offering box. Many rich people put in large sums. And a poor widow came and put in two small copper coins, which make a penny. And he called his disciples to him and said to them, “Truly, I say to you, this poor widow has put in more than all those who are contributing to the offering box. For they all contributed out of their abundance, but she out of her poverty has put in everything she had, all she had to live on.”

Financial assets are not the only thing that God commands us to give. He commands us to give him everything. What's the difference between tithing and sacrificial giving? To tithe means to give 10% of one's income, but does sacrificial giving encompass that? Cain and Abel offered the fruits of their labor to God, which I'm sure was not easy to do, considering their working and living conditions.

Tithing is mentioned in the New Testament as something that Jews did, in a mostly legalistic sense. Jesus never commanded us to tithe in the New Testament. However, in Hebrews 7 (interesting chapter...go read it!), tithing is mentioned as part of the Law, which could not provide perfection.

Now if perfection had been attainable through the Levitical priesthood (for under it the people received the law), what further need would there have been for another priest to arise after the order of Melchizedek, rather than one named after the order of Aaron? [...] For on the one hand, a former commandment is set aside because of its weakness and uselessness (for the law made nothing perfect); but on the other hand, a better hope is introduced, through which we draw near to God. [...] For it was indeed fitting that we should have such a high priest, holy, innocent, unstained, separated from sinners, and exalted above the heavens. He has no need, like those high priests, to offer sacrifices daily, first for his own sins and then for those of the people, since he did this once for all when he offered up himself.

So, then, I think we're called to a standard above and beyond a simple tithe in the same way that Jesus went above and beyond the standards of Levitical priesthood. Ever heard The Sheep And The Goats by Keith Green? It references the Final Judgment in Matthew 25. That kind of giving is far beyond tithing, and is motivated by love, not duty.

So, why do I tithe? 10% is not a magical number. It is, however, a historical benchmark that I find useful to evaluate just what, exactly, I ought to give my church. Ideally, I would tithe from every pay check consistently because it serves as a reminder of my financial priorities. When God calls me to go above and beyond that, I pray that my heart is willing and ready to follow his calling. I won't judge others because they don't tithe, but I do think it is important that Christians make it a priority to honor God with their finances and give when he leads them to.

If I am wrong, please tell me how! If you're struggling with giving sacrificially, please talk to someone about it! If you have repented of your sins and are seeking to love God with all your heart, your soul, your mind, and your strength, it is important to put your money where your mouth is.

The LORD Is At Hand, And Will Provide

Lately I've been feeling distant from God. I "feel" him when I pray and worship, but there's a constant nearness of God that I've been missing for the past few days. Tonight I reluctantly opened my Bible to Jeremiah 16, wondering if I should be reading something more emotional to get that "nearness" feeling back. But this chapter was next on my list, so I read it.

Then I ran into verses 10-12.

“And when you tell this people all these words, and they say to you, ‘Why has the Lord pronounced all this great evil against us? What is our iniquity? What is the sin that we have committed against the Lord our God?’ then you shall say to them: ‘Because your fathers have forsaken me, declares the Lord, and have gone after other gods and have served and worshiped them, and have forsaken me and have not kept my law, and because you have done worse than your fathers, for behold, every one of you follows his stubborn, evil will, refusing to listen to me.

God pushed a button.

I'm not disciplined with tithing, and God showed me that I've been making my tuition bill a financial idol. I haven't forgotten to tithe, but I've pushed it back "until this bill gets paid." Um. The point of tithing is giving God the FIRST fruits of my labor, not the dregs. *cough*

Soooooo, maybe I've been feeling distant from God because I'm not completely focused on him? DUH.

Tonight I sorted through months of pay stubs and figured out what I should have tithed and stuck a check in my Bible for next Sunday. But I found something among all those pay stubs. I found a paycheck that more than covered what I should have been tithing...so...it kinda drove home the point that what I have is not mine. It's God's, and I'm foolish to think that I can keep what is rightfully his. He provides, even for tithing.

Fireproof

I came away from this movie with two dominant thoughts: I would never be able to love anyone unconditionally on my own, and I am so glad that someone loves me unconditionally. This movie was superb in almost all aspects. The content sets it apart from most films in that it shows Love, not fluffy romance.

Technically, this movie is much better than the average low-budget religious film. The Kendrick brothers (a director/producer duo) seem to have learned a lot from Facing the Giants, and put that experience and knowledge to work even harder on Fireproof. The actors did a tough job very well, especially for inexperienced volunteers. There were moments where I wished certain actors would diversify their facial expressions and poses, but the acting rarely felt forced and flowed smoothly. The soundtrack did exactly what it was supposed to do: Support the actors' emotions and occasionally become part of the story. The song "While I'm Waiting" became part of the story, and I loved it.

Most religous films get uncomfortably preachy. Some deal with this up front (like VeggieTales). Some try to hide it, and generally fail miserably. Fireproof was not preachy; it was a story. Everything that happened was for the sake of character development or the plot. At no point did I ever feel like someone broke the 4th wall (which is when movies start to get preachy) and gave me info that could possibly help me, but had little to do with the story. However, as I thought about the movie, I was reminded of Bible verses and sermons that expounded upon topics that were integral to the film and applicable to my life. It was PERFECT!

You've probably heard me rant before about the Disney Princess Franchise. I have come to hate Disney Princess movies and other such romantic trash. There is little redeeming value in those stories, and they've brainwashed my generation of women to expect perfection from obviously flawed men. What's more romantic than a man devoted to a wife who will not love him? I work in a household where the husband shoulders a staggeringly large burden in order to care for his wife, and in two years I've never heard him complain about it. That's romantic. "Making out" under the Eiffel Tower is not romantic. Romance is when a wife lays down her agenda and desires to follow her husband to the ends of the earth, not waking up when the "right" man (i.e. whoever happens to find her first) kisses her.

So this movie was like water to my romantically parched soul. At the same time it gave me hope and despair. Despair that I will ever be able to love the way God does, and hope that God can change the hearts of sinful, dirty humans like me. My ideals of Love were challenged. I realized that a marriage can reflect the Love that Christ has for the Church, and I also realized that I know much less about Love than I thought I did. My first thought when the end credits rolled was, "man, I am never going to be able to get married." And then, "but honestly, would I want marriage if it meant anything less than what I just saw?" The answer was, of course, no. So now, instead of looking for a husband, I am looking for Christ in a man. And training myself to Love unconditionally. I think the latter will be the hardest.

Ack! I'd love to talk about details, but the movie is SO GOOD if you don't know the story. So go watch it. Then talk to me about details. Go watch it multiple times, in fact. The first time I saw it was the best, but the second time was more meaningful, if that makes any sense whatsoever. I'd like to go watch it a third time...my brain still hasn't processed everything that happened, and the story is SO GOOD!

Dear Kendrick Brothers, please make a sequel to Fireproof! Caleb and Katherine could have children, and you could call it Childproof! :-P

More Boundless

The title of this post makes no grammatical sense. But we all know that Boundless is a noun and an adjective, right? :-P

This post was particularly good, and appropriate for the season. I suggest you read it, and keep your eyes peeled.

"Don't just follow your heart, lead your heart!"

I learned about Fireproof via Josh Harris' blog. It's being made by the same church who did Facing the Giants (which I still have not seen). Anyone want to go? It's at a theater very close to my house and I'll be going on Friday...and hopefully on Sunday, if it warrants a second viewing.

Offshore Drilling

I found this graphic via EcoGeek. Please allow me to state that I have no opinion on offshore drilling...most reports I've seen of that situation are extremist and emotional, and I don't want to form an extremist, emotional opinion. If any of you happen to have some balanced proof as to why offshore drilling should or should not happen, please share! I'm sick of listening to people who either have no regard for Creation or who think that preservation of Nature is more important than preservation of Mankind.

Anyway. This graphic uses stats taken from the US government (which isn't a reliable source, but that's another topic). It's the first attempt at an objective evaluation of offshore drilling that I've seen. And I find it amusing.

Not only would it take years for such a thing to reach peak production, it would only produce 200,000 barrels/day, which is about 1% of overall predicted production.

I still don't have an opinion on offshore drilling, but I think those who expect it to lower gas prices might want to look for a different solution.

Bengal Cat

Leo-kitten
Originally uploaded by Norma1.

I WANT ONE!

With shockingly green eyes, and large spots.

I'll probably adopt it, since buying an expensive breed is (in my opinion) ridiculous.

Some day.

Rock Climbing

Climber
Originally uploaded by Tyromind.

Today, I went top roping for the first time since I knew what I was doing (last time was at Ohiopyle with a dude in our church who took a bunch of us climbing. It took me 3 tries to climb 10 feet.). It was FUN! I tell ya, if everyone could find a means of exercise that made them this excited, there would be a lot less fat people in this world.

Adrenaline rushes are addicting. Dude, I thought jumping off the wall when bouldering (a 12 foot drop) was fun...try belaying off the top of a 30 foot wall! Also, every time I push myself to reach for something that I don't want to risk and/or don't think I can do, and make it, I get euphoric. Handel's Messiah plays in my head. Fun stuff. If only I had more endurance in my upper body!

(If you're wondering how I'm learning to climb, my school has a pretty nice wall that they use to teach classes. Yes, I'm getting college credit to learn how to climb stuff :-D )

Live Like You Were Dying

People say one should live as if life would end soon. Tonight, as I watched the night sky, I thought of my list of "Things I Want To Do If I Ever Am Diagnosed With Something Terminal." One of those things is going to Alaska and watching the Northern Lights.
"Why don't I just drop everything and go see the Northern Lights now?" I asked myself.
Self replied, "Well, you do have a job to do this weekend, and school on Monday. You can't ignore those responsibilities."
"Yes, but what if I found out that I will probably die in 3 weeks? What then? What if I suddenly die without any warning? Wouldn't my trip to Alaska be justified?"
"Well, yeah," said Self. "Well, no! I mean...if you're going to die soon, you'll be with Jesus soon. So what's the point of seeing the Northern Lights? Sure, I've never experienced them but they are definitely not as amazing as Jesus' face. Why focus on carnal pleasure when you're so close to spiritual wholeness?"
"Then why do so many people focus on fulfilling 'dreams' when they get to the end of life? Hmm...shouldn't life be continually fulfilling a big dream? I.e. purpose? And if God's given me a purpose in this life, then if I were to learn that I'd die before Christmas, I shouldn't want to do anything differently than what God has me doing now."
"Weird. But it makes sense, too. Because how will one glorify God and enjoy him if one were to just satisfy carnal desires for the entirety of one's life? Such a life would be empty."
"..."
"Exactly. I think you need to rewrite your 'Things I Want To Do If I Ever Am Diagnosed With Something Terminal' list."
"In order to live as if I were dying, I'd need to live as if I were fulfilling God's purpose for me, which would be my dream. I, uh...certainly don't think along these lines when I wake up on the average morning."
"Looks like we have an attitude adjustment to make! Hurry, let's sleep so the morning comes sooner!"

[Yes, I know the title of this post is from a country song. For the record, that song is, musically speaking, horrible. But the line was good.]

Nature Speaks of God

The heavens declare the glory of God,
and the sky above proclaims his handiwork.
Psalm 19:1

And God came here? To save us?

[Note: There will be a meteorite shower very early on Tuesday morning...check it out!]

The Power of Words and The Wonder of God

I recently went to WorshipGod 08, which was the best conference I've been to in years. I hope to blog about that eventually...but, while I was there, they mentioned the Desiring God 08 conference, and I dearly want to go to that! Anyone want to come with me? I'd stay at the Minneapolis International Hostel, which is "for the budget traveler" (read: Cheap).

What a wonderful opportunity this would be for me as a linguist! What a wonderful opportunity for those of you who use language! Anyone else interested in going?

AHC

You're looking at the new Associate Head Coach of my fencing club. Scary, ain't it? I tell ya, responsibility can be a great agent for commitment. This next season will be a huge challenge...bring it on! I'm not comfortable in my position yet, but I'm going to take the advice my coach gave me in high school: Make aggressive mistakes! I was driving home from the fencing awards tonight pondering this, and recognizing that my pedestal is now higher...which means a fall would be harder. But the Gospel Song sprang to my lips...Praise God, for from him ALL blessings flow! He has already paid for my mistakes--I need not worry about my future! I am free to do as he wishes (which is the best plan of all), rather than cowering in fear of failure. Who can stand against him? Please pray for my team! They need a saving knowledge of Christ!

ESPN and Josh Hamilton

It's long, but if you've got 10 minutes you ought to read this. The story is amazing, but I also find it amazing that it's published by such a widely known news source. COOL!

Praise God

...for all blessings come from him. Time for a praise report!

• Youth Camp. So many things happened here...
• People were saved! Including a girl on my team! AHHHH! More than cool! Awesome!
  
• Something happened to me, too. I feel like...the old me. Like me in, say...11th grade. Not that 11th grade was great (pfft), but my attitude is way more cheerful than it has been recently. To what can I contribute this recent joy? God.
• Made some great friends. The people on my team were great! My co-team-leader (Tim) is a gift from God. I had a great experience as team leader last year with Jason and was afraid my expectations would be too high this year, but Tim was fantastic. And the campers were incredibly willing to participate and a few really interacted with God.
• "The Bible is the story of all God has done for me." (Josh Harris) That is incredible. God has done a lot. For me. *breaks into song* Oh! It was all for me! It was your grace that drew me to the cross!
• When I write thank-you lists to God, I tend to focus on physical stuff; i.e. right now I'd be listing all the great assets God's given to me. But I don't want to focus on that. So I'm gonna focus on stuff like:
• School. Gotta work on thanking God for one more semester at school...need to start expecting his work there.
• Evangelism. I went street evangelizing recently for the first time in years, and though I generally don't like the results because I generally don't see them, street evangelism is FUN! The Holy Spirit was definitely pruning my branches through that experience. I can hardly wait for another one (which will come this month, hopefully)!
• Friends. So much of my life is good because of friends, and especially their prayers. I love my friends. Some day, in the New Earth, I expect to be able to cultivate my friendships a lot more than I can now. Thank God for the little bit I can do now!
• Parents. I am learning a lot about humility and submission because I still live with them. I am not humble or submissive, but I'm learning about it...

Dude, God's awesome. Not kidding in any sense. I wish I could write music for him. Or dance. Or...something. But I guess nothing I do can add to what he's done, so why stress? Ah, God. You're a freaking genius.

All I Could Do...

...was watch it again. And again. And thank God for talent :-)

Why...

...are we here?

This is the theme of YCo8. Please be praying for the activity of the Holy Spirit during camp! We're going to be delving into some serious stuff, which is great. Camp is generally the best part of my summer, and so many lives are impacted (just ask the guy who's my co-team-leader). I hear the messages are going to be online, if you're curious about listening to them. However, I highly suggest you visit in person. Camp is great.

WE FINGERPAINT BETTER THAN YOU!!!
(Inside joke. To be explained at a later date.)

Sick

You know what's worse than not being able to sleep? It's being sick and not being able to sleep. Usually when I'm sick I can sleep like a newborn, which is great 'cos I don't feel sick when I'm asleep. But now...ugh.

This article was good encouragement, though.

Why don't I see a doc? Last time I saw her for a head cold/chest congestion, she gave me albuterol and amoxicillin. Amoxicillin is a terrible thing to hand out for minor-ish sicknesses like mine. It doesn't work, and there's a chance that whatever I'm sick with could get resistant to the drug. Beg to differ, if you'd like...but I have a long, colorful history with that drug, and for me at least, it doesn't shorten recovery time and leaves me weaker than if I hadn't taken it. Albuterol, though...man, that stuff works in ways it shouldn't. It's supposed to dilate the bronchioles and make it easier to breathe. However, it also dilates the blood vessels, which means the heart starts pounding (which mine does anyway when I'm sick, 'cos I usually get dehydrated), which makes the adrenal glands get all excited, which means I breathe faster...and eventually I start bouncing off the roof. I'm surprised people don't just huff albuterol in the mornings instead of drinking coffee. It works faster.

Sleep

*Cue BNL's "Who Needs Sleep" song. If you don't know who BNL is...um...just search for the song. I can't mention their name on my site without getting unwanted attention. Regardless, the song is ridiculously appropriate.*

Lately, my cures for insomnia involve adventure films. Granted, I've spent most of the last two weeks in the Big Apple (post forthcoming?), so my insomnia has been embraced and encouraged, but eventually I had to come and the late hours have followed. Anyway.

Tonight I watched X-Men 2. It's certainly got a few minutes of iffy-ness with regards to morality, and the premise is irrational, but (excepting the FFWD moments) I enjoyed it. I watched the scene where Xavier's academy gets invaded several times because the action's so...viscerally good. There's so much in there to chew on...the power of government and science, acceptance of "unusual" people, appreciating those you don't like/understand/are different, the role of religion in life, how disgusting it is that people have blindly accepted macro-evolution as a "theory," etc. etc. etc.

Last night (two nights ago?) I watched Annapolis, which is about a young man's first year in the Naval Academy. That move made me think about bravery, loyalty to self/others, motivation, and courage. It was wildly inaccurate, but I enjoyed this one also.

Why do I like these movies? Besides the fact that the leading actors were some of my favorite (though James Franco's expressions do get repetitive), I find them inspiring. People do things that are bigger than themselves. Their actions affect others in a positive way. These movies aren't "realistic" in that they're about people I know or situations that I could be in, but they contain themes that challenge me to think and to act beyond myself.

Prediction: If society continues down the path I see it going, the action/thriller genre will shrivel considerably. Everyone loves hearing about the glory and praise a hero receives, but eventually we will love comfort and ease and self so much that learning about the challenges a hero must overcome before earning victory won't be worth the thrilling end.

The more life I live, the more I learn that the journey determines the destination. One may choose a destination, but how often does one reach that destination? By all indicators as a high school senior, I should have just started my first week of graduate school, earning my doctorate degree in physical therapy. My journey has led me pretty far from that destination, though it may lead me back in the distant future.

I can't claim to know the future. So how does watching action flicks tie into this? Life is an adventure, even if the adventure lies in choosing to serve my church rather than slave over college classes. Watching others do hard things inspires me to do hard things in return, even if it isn't deflecting missiles with my mind or returning for a second semester of military school. Most of my challenges involve waking up early to get to church set-up on time, or putting my game face on (yes, coaches have them too) when entering the door of the fencing salle. Huge challenge: Budgeting. I hate doing it, but without it I can't glorify God to my best ability.

Note: I'm dying to read Do Hard Things, but since it just came out, I can't buy it. Anyone want to lend me a copy? I'll be nice to it!

...And this ties into sleep how? Action flicks help me sleep. Not kidding. My brain does not shut off, even in sleep. Chewing on the issues presented by these films keeps me from dreaming horrible, nasty things. Horrible, nasty dreams tend to drag on while my subconscious searches for something meritorious to end it on a good note, but "thinking" dreams are beneficial and usually end quickly. Garbage in equals garbage out, though, so some action flicks don't help.

I'm off to ponder the relationship between Wolverine and Rogue. What makes Wolverine seem like a father figure? How does Rogue respect him? Etc. etc......zzzzzzzzz

Blogroll

I recently made some updates to the links I have on the sidebar of my blog, and I'd like to highlight them and why they're linked to my blog.

Da Ketter - I've known David Ketter for quite a while, and this blog is a collaborative work between him and several other godly young men. I've found lots of encouragement and challenging statements here.

Big Guy - New blog from a good friend who is dating a very close friend.

Melder of Words - Writer friend whose poetry I find stunning. Also, I enjoy his laugh.

Liberian Missionary - A friend who is evangelizing in Liberia with Samaritan's Purse. My prayers go with her!

Philly Teacher - The chronicles of a friend who is evangelizing and teaching in inner-city Philly.

Unconformed - the collaborative blog of several godly young women, one of whom I am privileged to call "friend."

[Former] Evil Editor - A "kindred spirit" who (I desperately hope) will be spending her summer with me. We have quite a colorful history together.

Boundless Webzine - This site is full of great perspectives on much that's relevant to my life.

Eco Geek . Org - Though it doesn't share my Christian perspective, this site is full of ways that I can preserve the earth God created, as well as cool tech projects that attempt to do the same.

Pray For Ian - I can't believe I didn't have this link up until now. A childhood friend of mine is dealing with serious brain damage after a car crash. Please pray for him.

The Uncultured Project - Rather than buying an Xbox 360, this grad student traveled to India to see what a difference his Xbox money could make. You think your little contribution won't help? IT WILL.

Good Bassist; Great Band - the blog of the bassist of my (current) favorite band, Mute Math.

Church

My church is changing. You know, in The Lion, The Witch, And The Wardrobe where everyone's whispering "Aslan's on the move!" My church has that feeling, only it's not Aslan, but the Holy Spirit. Thank you, God! My church has needed more of the Spirit! Yes, we're mostly Reformed, but we are certainly not cessationists.

God is so incredibly...um, indescribable? "Good" doesn't capture it. The concept of "goodness" is too small to apply to God. For the past few Sunday mornings God has astonished me more than the last time, which generally leaves me on my knees with a shaking soul and a joyful heart. It's cool. It's more than cool.

Last month, in addition to God greatly reducing my pain, he healed a two-year-old who was thought to have bone cancer in his hip. God has been giving my assistant pastor prophetic songs, which he performs on the piano. He's never performed on piano in his life. During several Sundays, my pastors felt lead to deviate from their sermon notes--for which I am very glad! You ought to go listen to the sermons. Last Sunday's sermon was particularly striking.

College Night was last month. Jeremy (the assistant pastor) did not have notes for the evening, just a handful of songs and fervent prayer for the Spirit to move. Nothing *spectacular* happened, though people were impacted. I was convicted that I haven't been treating my sin as harshly as I ought. However, as most people left, a handful of people were left sitting on the floor of the Church office, praying and singing and encouraging one another. It was a sweet time of ministry, and a memory I will carry for a very, very long time.

I should also mention that our church had a Church-wide fasting and prayer meeting. I'm humbled to say that, for the first time in my life, I fasted for a whole day. It was certainly not my strength that carried me through the day. Verse I meditated on while fasting:

Your words were found, and I ate them, and your words became to me a joy and the delight of my heart
Jeremiah 15:16

Why? 'Cos I was fasting, and wanted (still do) to feast on God's words while abstaining from food.

I am so excited to see what God will do for my church! Sunday has been the best day of the week for most of my life, but these Sundays have a certain element of surprise to them, an electric expectation to see God, to glorify him more, and fellowship with his Bride.

Souls Aren't Built of Stone

Perfection is unattainable. So, how close to perfection must one be?

Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.
Reference

I desire a husband, a home, and children! I'm so sensitive to these desires I can't even listen to Amateur Lovers without pitying myself. It's sickening.

For the wicked boasts of the desires of his soul, and the one greedy for gain curses and renounces the Lord.
Reference

Of course I wouldn't make a perfect wife; I don't have the skills for that yet. But I'll never attain perfection, and I am not gifted for an entire life of singleness!

Arise, O Lord; O God, lift up your hand; forget not the afflicted.
Reference

If only my standards weren't so high! If only intimacy weren't so hard! Maybe this should change! Maybe I shouldn't ask myself to do the impossible!

Why does the wicked renounce God and say in his heart,
“You will not call to account”?
But you do see, for you note mischief and vexation,
that you may take it into your hands
Reference

I am not asking myself to do the impossible; God is.

Break the arm of the wicked and evildoer;
call his wickedness to account till you find none.
Reference

Asking God to lower his standards is a despicable idea. It is beyond language that describes filthy, undesirable actions. Yet I cannot refuse God's request.

O Lord, you hear the desire of the afflicted;
you will strengthen their heart; you will incline your ear
Reference

Society does not value my strong commitment to these ideals. Daily I am assaulted by language, images, and attitudes that reject what I strive so hard to uphold. I feel like Job when he says:

My spirit is broken...
My days are past; my plans are broken off, the desires of my heart.
They make night into day: ‘The light,’ they say, ‘is near to the darkness.’
If I hope for Sheol as my house, if I make my bed in darkness,
If I say to the pit, ‘You are my father,’ and to the worm, ‘My mother,’ or ‘My sister,’
Where then is my hope? Who will see my hope?
Will it go down to the bars of Sheol? Shall we descend together into the dust?
Reference

Fellowship with Christians is helpful because I realize that there are those who also recognize and resist this clashing of culture with Christ. But I constantly fight against the potentiality of sin, even among Christian brothers!

I suppose this was my idea. School was supposed to be a mission field, so I refused to attend one that was full of students and ideals that claimed to be Christian. In some ways, I am very glad of this.

For all that is in the world—the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride in possessions—is not from the Father but is from the world.
Reference

Every time this ugly sin manages to seize my attention and appear so attractive, God gently, methodically, consistently brings my attention back to him.

Now we have received not the spirit of the world, but the Spirit who is from God, that we might understand the things freely given us by God.
Reference

EVERY TIME! God is faithful, and he's showing me what "faithfulness" is. This is so hard to comprehend. Sure, I could give you a dictionary description of the word, but the concept...God is giving me something to reference every time I think of the word "faithful," which makes it so much more meaningful.

Do not be conformed to this age, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the good and acceptable and perfect will of God.
Reference

Ridiculosity!

This got me mad. But it also gave me an excuse to link to a site I enjoy...not that I've gotten a Car-ectomy, (I've never had a car), but it's full of useful tips.

Hope Springs Eternal

Originally uploaded by -gadgetgirl-.

So, I just got back from fencing (duh...where else would I be right before a huge paper is due?). Life is not going smoothly, but my fencing class is :-) Today I had 4 new kids: two 9 year olds, a 45 year old, and a 60 year old. Tell me that's not a difficult class to teach. It wasn't difficult. I had a lot of fun. I'm still exhausted and have a huge list of papers to write, homework to do, sleep to get...wait, who am I trying to kid? April Fool's is tomorrow! Speaking of which, this was a great AF joke.

Good-ish news! Whatever my health problem is, they Docs have ruled out my gallbladder. Fat has reentered my diet. Normally I prefer healthy foods, but to celebrate I got a cheeseburger with everything on it at 5 Guys Burgers & Fries. Talk about grease. The thing was a veritable ball of a sandwich...so much was in that bun...*sigh* (Note: I am not endorsing greasy food or a gluttonous lifestyle.) BUT on Sunday morning Mr. Pierson asked those who wanted healing (physical or spiritual) to come forward for prayer...and since then I have had discomfort but no pain. I'm supposed to get an appointment with a gastrointerologist (hopefully not next year), which may get me closer to some sort of a solution for the problem. But thank God that I'm not in pain!

Fencing Is My Boyfriend (Why I Love Fencing)

Folks, I have a confession to make. I'm in a very serious relationship with an enigma we'll call Fencing. I know we shouldn't have kept our relationship so secret...but it's hard to explain why we're together when people don't understand. Some do, but they're often in similar relationships themselves. Please, allow me to clarify.

Fencing and I started out as something casual. I took to Fencing because it didn't monopolize my weeknights, gave me great coaches and good teammates, and was a good outlet for energy and occasional anger management. We got serious roundabout the time the head coach asked me to be part of his coaching staff. Though we didn't see each other more often, Fencing was on my mind much more than it had been in high school. When Fencing became part of the Recreation department, things got out of control. I now spend about 4 nights per week with fencing--this week it'll be five, and occasionally we'll spend Saturdays together. It's crazy.

Our relationship borders on abusive sometimes. I admit, I've cheated on Fencing before. Usually to go do crazy stuff like driving to see concerts or put on shows, but nothing really serious. Still, Fencing occasionally will beat me up and enjoy it. Tomorrow I'm going to have lots of welts on my right shoulder, and my left calf muscle is going to ache, and it's all Fencing's fault!

So, why don't we just break up? It's not really that simple...see, now that I'm financially dependent on Fencing, breaking up would involve a lot more work. It's just easier to keep things how they are. And honestly, I think our relationship might improve. At least, I've tried harder to not cheat...

Ha! Did I lie well enough to make you think that Fencing was tangible and we were headed toward trouble? Abusive relationships are nothing to joke about, but it struck me as funny when I realized one could see my involvement with fencing as such. Just for the record, I am not in any serious relationship of any kind (see the end of my post). Now, the post I initially wanted to write...

Why I Love Fencing

• Ever had that feeling of pure happiness brought about after a night of fencing well against challenging opponents? When Rita's Ice fills your belly and replenishes your muscles' supply of carbs? When the cool summer air rushes through the car windows and cools your slick, sweaty head?
• Ever had that feeling of triumph when you beat an opponent soundly because you've practiced more and sweated gallons and lunged farther and parried efficiently and hit more accurately?
• Ever had that feeling of gratitude when you realize you've just outrun your old self and it was all because your teammates encouraged you?
• Ever had that feeling of euphoria when you coach a kid you've trained for his whole career in fencing and he's winning?
• Ever had that feeling of power when you tell a kid how to change his game to beat the other guy, and your ideas plus his skill win the bout?
• Ever had that feeling of soreness due to literal wounds inflicted by friends and muscle exhaustion?

There are lots of reasons why I love to fence, and to coach fencing. These are some (minus the last one). Leaving my team will be hard, if God leads me to do so. But I know that, as he has given me the grace to continue in such a pursuit to give him glory, he will give me the grace to leave this pursuit and glorify him in other ways. I'm so glad he's given me this pursuit for now.

Creative Writing, Health, And NYR Update

Tonight was great. The air felt alive with the energy of Anakin as he makes his decision to join the dark side or continue on the road he's already chosen. The setting sun only served to clarify this energy. Darkness snaked long fingers around corners and into tree branches, yet light still glistened on grass blades and windowpanes. It was the kind of evening that, when one wears a jacket, is pleasant. The lukewarm air whispered on one's cheek. It filled the lungs easily, and made one want to sing just so one could breathe another lungful. Dampness crept into collars and under pant legs, snuggling against hot skin and chilling it. Going inside felt like a tragic loss. (What do you think of that? Breka, I'm 'specially interested in your opinion, if you have one...)

Last week, I got my gallbladder ultrasounded. Funny story: Nurse picks up a file for a female patient, aged 22, who is here for an ultrasound. She assumes I'm pregnant, and stares at me trying to figure out why I'm getting an ultrasound when it's obvious the baby's not big enough to really notice on the ultrasound. Heh. Final ultrasound results: Normal. I have no gallstones (and just for the record, I am not pregnant either :-P ). The doc thinks I might have "sludge" (precursor to gallstones) in there, so on Wednesday I get to drink radioactive goo and trace it through my gallbladder just to see what happens. Kinda yucky...but hopefully it will clarify SOMETHING. Also, I'm beginning to wonder if this pain is, in fact, my gallbladder. Tonight I had an estimated total of 28 grams of fat during dinner, which is a LOT considering I've been mostly vegan for the past two weeks. I have pain, but nothing abnormal. However, when I tasted JPB's rum on Sunday night I had almost instant pain that lasted for hours. The doc warned me that alcohol would have the same effect as fat...hmm. PS- being vegan ain't bad. The food is great, though it drastically slims down menu choices at Eat'n'Park. Which is a terrible restaurant anyway.

New Year's Resolution Update: So far, I have bought only one thing that's brand new this year (besides perishables etc.), which was a racquet for my gym class. Kinda necessary. It's freeing, actually, to not buy stuff. I don't feel a need to flip through magazines or go to stores looking for good buys, because I can't buy it anyway. However, I am getting slightly worried about shoes. I'll be needing a pair of dress shoes and dress sandals very soon, and permanently borrowing Mom's would be cheating since she'd just go out and buy herself a brand new pair anyway. And dressy footwear shouldn't really be duct-taped.

Bland

For the next few days, I am supposed to eat a very bland diet, consisting of rice, toast, applesauce, and bananas. Why, you ask? My doc thinks my gallbladder "contracted" because bile can't get out (see story below). She wrote me a bunch of prescriptions for some pretty weird tests. First, have gallbladder ultrasounded. If that test is negative, drink radioactive stuff, force gallbladder to contract-which means I throw up-and see how much bile comes out. If the radioactivity test shows that my gallbladder isn't up to snuff, she wants to take it out. I don't like that drastic idea. I don't like the idea of drinking radioactive stuff and throwing up, either. I like the idea of calling my naturopathic friends and seeing if they have a solution for dissolving gallstones. If you do, please share! You may be responsible for saving my gallbladder!

Weird note: The doc told me that this mostly happens to fair, overweight women in their 40's. I'm not overweight (any more), though I am fair. Am I 40? According to my birth certificate, I'm not. But I keep getting "old-people" diseases. First arthritis...then this... I ran this idea past my Mom, who laughed and said "But you're too beautiful to be old!" She forgets two things:
1) Age does not necessarily mean beauty
2) I look the same as I did when I was 10, except I've got nicer glasses
So maybe I'm one of those people who just ages faster than they're supposed to! Or...not.


Here's my story of gallbladder contraction...
[Gross Alert--Do Not Read If Easily Repulsed. Also, if the story was terrible, please tell me. I hate deluding myself.]

On Monday I came home from fencing class and within 5 minutes was hurling my guts into the toilet. Before class I ate apple sauce with golden raisins and cinnamon in it and promptly got a stomach ache. During class I was getting woozy. My students were probably wondering why I was teaching while sitting on the floor. Ah, well. The stomach ache was very similar to the one I had in Virginia while visiting a dear friend, though I never threw up then. I got over that one with the help of fiber. Dad tried to feed me medicine (I forget what) for this one, but it wouldn't stay down long enough to do anything.

There's one good thing about this episode in my life, though...a funny story! I hope...

The pain in my abdomen would get closer and closer to "impossible to bear"...then fade...over and over again. "Is this what childbirth is like?" I asked Mom while gasping for breath after a surge of pain. She chuckled and said, "probably." If so, I'm glad for 3 things when it comes to labor:
1) Contractions don't last the whole time, they come and go
2) According to my genetic history, labor won't be as long as I was in pain for gallbladder contractions
3) Mothers hopefully get a baby at the end of labor. When my pain subsided, I got threatened with losing an organ.

My doctor, when telling me about my symptoms (ironic, isn't it? SHE told ME about MY symptoms!), said that the pain is often like labor. Heh.

Strangeness

Today I feel like a "normal" student. I stayed on campus after classes were over because I plan to hang out with friends tonight. First weird experience was eating dinner...all by myself...surrounded by strangers who were also eating. I read my textbook on English grammar to keep myself from feeling suicidal. Then I went to the computer lab (where I am now) to download & print various things. I've gotten decently good at managing "fun" time on the internet, so after I was done scrolling through blogs, Flickr, and YouTube, I -gasp!- did some studying. Man, it would be so much easier to study if I lived on campus. I'm sure there are distractions here, but I feel so ridiculously lonely and faceless that I'm studying child psychology just because it gives some sort of purpose to the evening. Which brings me to another realization. Fencing takes up A LOT of my time, and a lot of my identity is in fencing. Which isn't bad, but it's just interesting to realize that, besides church, fencing takes up an awful lot of time.

Miike (Bubs) just called. Bye.

Clowns Won't Eat Me

Guess what! I'm awake! And I've got a knot in my left upper trapezius...

Homework #4 in my Psych class is due tomorrow. I'm supposed to find 5 sentences that I come across in "normal" reading that I don't understand. I can't find that many. I can't find one. I can find ambiguous sentences, grammatically incorrect sentences, and sentences that don't speak truth...but none that I can't understand. *sigh* Sometimes being smart earns bad grades... :-P

In other news, tonight will be the second consecutive night that I'll be reading the Bible before I fall asleep. It's pitiful, I know, but that's why God took pity on me. Last night I read several chapters from Isaiah (one of these years I'll finish that book), and this verse was really cool: Isaiah 45:19. It's been a huge part of my theological thought life in the past 24 hours...this verse is a perfect candidate for a scripture memory song.

Happy birthday to Mrs. Behrens...what a cool day to be born!

The Power of Media

On Monday nights I usually listen to the last 30 minutes of This American Life. Sometimes it's worthwhile. Sometimes it isn't. Last Monday's section was GREAT. It featured Malcolm Gladwell, who was talking at a comedy club about his experiences working for the Washington Post. The MP3 (free and legal) is here, though you've gotta fast-forward to the last part (or you could listen to the whole thing...). Also, ignore the one bad word...

This is going to be a pain for you (if you choose to do it), but I wanted to record the link in case I ever feel like looking up this guy for some obscure reason. Let me know if you heard it, and what you thought about it!

Late? Nahhh...

This was really good. I liked the verse from Proverbs that was quoted. A lot. Also, the author quoted Philippians, which reminded me of this recent sermon, which was also really good.

I complain most (I think) in competitive environments. Sometimes it's a way to apologize to someone for me losing or not having enough skill to be a challenge to them, which is stupid and I'll stop it when I notice it (God, could I get some help in this area? K thanks).

Where and when do you complain? Well, STOP IT! (with God's help, of course) :-P

I Should Write A Song About This

I'm not tired at all! And I'm craving chocolate, which is a terrible combination. But, in other news, the Forrest Gump Suite by Alan Silvestri is really good! 80's movies had good soundtracks, despite the hair and the general foul-mouth-ed-ness. Also, Sarah Chang will be playing Vivaldi's Four Seasons in my city soon...

Speaking of music (I do a lot of that, don't I?), check out this song. It's got an interesting history.
You can download the mp3 for free!

Men = Kleenex?

(This was written in response to a paper I read for class, "Penguins Don't Care, but Women Do: A Social Identity Analysis" by Fatemeh Khosroshahl. I edited it slightly so you, dear readers, might understand it a bit more. Please, let me know what you think! Answer my questions!)

According to this article, men view the word "he" as something like a brand name that covers generic humans and men specifically in the same way that many people use the word "Kleenex" to refer to the brand and generic facial tissues. This analogy was good, but I was struck by the humorous images in my head. How does one picture generic humans, anyway? (UGH! Never mind...)

Perhaps we overuse pronouns, and just need to get more creative with English. Every phrase I can think of that needs a generic pronoun can be rephrased to not include pronouns and be more precise.
Examples:

1. "Somebody left his/her bike in the yard" --> "Somebody left a bike in the yard."
   
2. "Man, being a mammal, excretes milk for his young" --> "Humans, being mammals, excrete milk for their young."
   
3. "The average reader of this blog can afford his own car" --> "Average readers of this blog can afford their own cars" (Hopefully there's more than one reader, right? Even if you can't afford a car?).
   

Am I wrong? Can anyone think of phrases where using a singular generic pronoun is unavoidable?

Also, what about titles like "dude"? Historically, it referred to males, but in an appropriate context I use it to address both genders quite frequently and will respond to someone calling me a dude. Some of my friends have a problem with this, and ironically most who have voiced this opinion are male. I'd be curious to know how many people (and their age and gender) associate "dude" with the male gender.

Dust To Dust

Today Fluffy was buried. Her grave is under my bedroom window, in memoriam of all the times when she'd sit on windowsills and watch my family. Her shroud is a soft blanket with angels on it--the blanket that Grandma Q gave me for Christmas. When she was covered up, I played May It Be (by Enya, on the LotR-FotR soundtrack). Emotions are complex.

Thanks, Dad, for burying Fluffy with me.