26 February, 2008

Bland

For the next few days, I am supposed to eat a very bland diet, consisting of rice, toast, applesauce, and bananas. Why, you ask? My doc thinks my gallbladder "contracted" because bile can't get out (see story below). She wrote me a bunch of prescriptions for some pretty weird tests. First, have gallbladder ultrasounded. If that test is negative, drink radioactive stuff, force gallbladder to contract-which means I throw up-and see how much bile comes out. If the radioactivity test shows that my gallbladder isn't up to snuff, she wants to take it out. I don't like that drastic idea. I don't like the idea of drinking radioactive stuff and throwing up, either. I like the idea of calling my naturopathic friends and seeing if they have a solution for dissolving gallstones. If you do, please share! You may be responsible for saving my gallbladder!

Weird note: The doc told me that this mostly happens to fair, overweight women in their 40's. I'm not overweight (any more), though I am fair. Am I 40? According to my birth certificate, I'm not. But I keep getting "old-people" diseases. First arthritis...then this... I ran this idea past my Mom, who laughed and said "But you're too beautiful to be old!" She forgets two things:
1) Age does not necessarily mean beauty
2) I look the same as I did when I was 10, except I've got nicer glasses
So maybe I'm one of those people who just ages faster than they're supposed to! Or...not.


Here's my story of gallbladder contraction...
[Gross Alert--Do Not Read If Easily Repulsed. Also, if the story was terrible, please tell me. I hate deluding myself.]

On Monday I came home from fencing class and within 5 minutes was hurling my guts into the toilet. Before class I ate apple sauce with golden raisins and cinnamon in it and promptly got a stomach ache. During class I was getting woozy. My students were probably wondering why I was teaching while sitting on the floor. Ah, well. The stomach ache was very similar to the one I had in Virginia while visiting a dear friend, though I never threw up then. I got over that one with the help of fiber. Dad tried to feed me medicine (I forget what) for this one, but it wouldn't stay down long enough to do anything.

There's one good thing about this episode in my life, though...a funny story! I hope...

The pain in my abdomen would get closer and closer to "impossible to bear"...then fade...over and over again. "Is this what childbirth is like?" I asked Mom while gasping for breath after a surge of pain. She chuckled and said, "probably." If so, I'm glad for 3 things when it comes to labor:
1) Contractions don't last the whole time, they come and go
2) According to my genetic history, labor won't be as long as I was in pain for gallbladder contractions
3) Mothers hopefully get a baby at the end of labor. When my pain subsided, I got threatened with losing an organ.

My doctor, when telling me about my symptoms (ironic, isn't it? SHE told ME about MY symptoms!), said that the pain is often like labor. Heh.

8 comments:

iJosh said...

Ouch.

Mega ouch.

I'm amazed at the way you manage to joke about this. If I were you, I'd be complaining and probably not posting this to my blog, but moping around and whining. I'm glad you aren't me!

Even if this does mean that you are "old", I'll still "remember you like yesterday". A couple people in our church have had their gallbladder removed, and they are none for the worse! If you want to know who though, ask me, cause I'd rather not blast it all over the internet (as Riley Poole would say).

I didn't think your story was gross either.

[Insert Name Here] said...

I would describe drinking radioactive stuff, forcing your gallbladder to contract to see how much bile comes out when you throw up as gross... drinking something radioactive sounds impressive though... reminds me of Superman. =P

story's not terrible.

golden raisins were a positive note.

the doctor telling you about your symptoms reminded me of prescription commercials that instruct people to talk about with/recommend to their doctor a certain medicine...

a said...

Hmm, I could mix up a glass of chlorine in my basement. I don't know if that would work, but it's the closest thing I have to a radioactive tea.

Hey, really, what's another gall bladder? It seems the only thing they ever do is get removed, so maybe it's just doing its job. Eh, I'm probably just making things worse, so I'll shut up

Fuzzy said...

I know all about getting Old People's Afflictions while under 30.

Gout Sucks.

And I'd give that radioactive stuff another chance. You might get x-ray vision or Spider-Sense out of it. How about the power to kill a Yak from 50 yards... WITH MYND BULLETS!! (that's telekinesis).

a said...

I can't think of any reason a radioactive margarita would give you superpowers. Sure, it worked for every superhero and their moms, but I'm skeptical. Plus, if you did get superpowers, you would have to start working for a newspaper and wear strange oversized glasses.

Breka said...

Sorry, this semi-naturopathic friend has no suggestions. I am interested to discover that I'm not the only one that (apparently) looks the same as when I was 10 but feels closer to 80. Okay, maybe just 70.
I hope things get sorted out in a simple manner and you're feeling up to snuff soon.
Maybe this will post the first time round...

you guessed it said...

I had a cuppa radioactive goo when I broke my scafieiod. I think it only made me more crazy.

bvmfft

barney vomited mad frank fruiters today

Clear Ambassador said...

Non-disgusting, mildly-interesting story. :-)

Boy howdy do I know about feeling 50 when you should be young and strong. I think my body just sucks. Ah well. We're each given a cup of tea to drink in this life. Yours is probably radioactive :-P