06 May, 2008

Souls Aren't Built of Stone

Perfection is unattainable. So, how close to perfection must one be?

Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.
I desire a husband, a home, and children! I'm so sensitive to these desires I can't even listen to Amateur Lovers without pitying myself. It's sickening.
For the wicked boasts of the desires of his soul, and the one greedy for gain curses and renounces the Lord.
Of course I wouldn't make a perfect wife; I don't have the skills for that yet. But I'll never attain perfection, and I am not gifted for an entire life of singleness!
Arise, O Lord; O God, lift up your hand; forget not the afflicted.
If only my standards weren't so high! If only intimacy weren't so hard! Maybe this should change! Maybe I shouldn't ask myself to do the impossible!
Why does the wicked renounce God and say in his heart,
“You will not call to account”?
But you do see, for you note mischief and vexation,
that you may take it into your hands
I am not asking myself to do the impossible; God is.
Break the arm of the wicked and evildoer;
call his wickedness to account till you find none.
Asking God to lower his standards is a despicable idea. It is beyond language that describes filthy, undesirable actions. Yet I cannot refuse God's request.
O Lord, you hear the desire of the afflicted;
you will strengthen their heart; you will incline your ear
Society does not value my strong commitment to these ideals. Daily I am assaulted by language, images, and attitudes that reject what I strive so hard to uphold. I feel like Job when he says:
My spirit is broken...
My days are past; my plans are broken off, the desires of my heart.
They make night into day: ‘The light,’ they say, ‘is near to the darkness.’
If I hope for Sheol as my house, if I make my bed in darkness,
If I say to the pit, ‘You are my father,’ and to the worm, ‘My mother,’ or ‘My sister,’
Where then is my hope? Who will see my hope?
Will it go down to the bars of Sheol? Shall we descend together into the dust?
Fellowship with Christians is helpful because I realize that there are those who also recognize and resist this clashing of culture with Christ. But I constantly fight against the potentiality of sin, even among Christian brothers!

I suppose this was my idea. School was supposed to be a mission field, so I refused to attend one that was full of students and ideals that claimed to be Christian. In some ways, I am very glad of this.
For all that is in the world—the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride in possessions—is not from the Father but is from the world.
Every time this ugly sin manages to seize my attention and appear so attractive, God gently, methodically, consistently brings my attention back to him.
Now we have received not the spirit of the world, but the Spirit who is from God, that we might understand the things freely given us by God.
EVERY TIME! God is faithful, and he's showing me what "faithfulness" is. This is so hard to comprehend. Sure, I could give you a dictionary description of the word, but the concept...God is giving me something to reference every time I think of the word "faithful," which makes it so much more meaningful.
Do not be conformed to this age, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the good and acceptable and perfect will of God.

1 comment:

The Stranger said...

Very nice! I'll have to qoute you sometime.