March 30th Was A Long Time Ago...

...considering the speed of the internet. However, at the consistent encouragement of iJosh, I am now on Twitter. Fo now, I am pointing my words at this webpage.

Tonight I visited another fencing club and had a terrible performance in the midst of serious, experienced fencers. I enjoyed the competition, but am frustrated with the mental block between what I know and what I do. Kinda like how I'm helpless before spiritual enemies. I've been meditating on Psalm 116 a lot recently (and Psalm 27). How appropriate to tie my physical weaknesses to my spiritual weaknesses. Even in "fair" competition, I am helpless without my Lord.

Words escape me, so allow me to paint a picture. I'm driving home from fencing, disappointed in myself and asking God why. The David Crowder Band's Church Music album is playing, and the lyrics break through my confusion.

"O grant us reprieve from the fighting

So we just rest our head on the shoulder of the One!"

I can't drive any more, because the Spirit has arrested my soul, and road safety is secondary to the One.

"We are loved!

And it's quite enough

That we are loved!"

Those Psalms come to mind, and I thank the Lord, for

"He has heard

my voice and my pleas for mercy."

I recently decided to pursue an even higher education. An education that will allow me to translate the Bible for people groups who have yet to read the Holy Word in their mother tongue. Think of how different your life would be if the Bible were still in Vulgate Latin, and you can imagine their difficulty. God has placed a specific people group on my heart for whom to pray. I can't picture their faces; I don't know how they communicate; but I want to be the lampstand from which the Holy Spirit illuminates the Bible to them. I get goosebumps, thinking about the possibilities.

None of this is possible on my own. Every day, I wake up and rely on the Lord for inspiration and providence and joy.

Galatians 6:9-10

Let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap if we do not give up. So then, as we have opportunity, let us do good to everyone and especially to those who are of the household of faith.
~Galatians 6:9-10

It amazes me how God is constantly by my side, speaking to me and guiding me. The verse above (in lyrical form, thanks to Mark Altrogge) and the song Divine Romance by Phil Wickham have been replaying in my mind all of today. For that, I am grateful.

Recent events have conspired against my plans. I decide that, yes, I will take concrete steps toward international deaf missions, and outline future plans on paper. Guess what happens next. Temptation, of course. Temptation in a form I couldn't imagine and certainly didn't expect. Temptation in the form of a friend...who wants to move beyond friendship.

I agree with him on some levels. On a superficial level, and even a personality level, we could form a good team with a little work. However, there's a level that finds people in their nightmares, in their daydreams, in the moments when all is lost or everything is gained. It is at that level that we are not compatible. I love this man as a friend, and yearn for his salvation. But I know it would be foolish to yoke myself to an unbeliever. The relationship he desires would only distract me from the One I hold Most Dear, and the purpose for which I am on Earth.

It is what I think I want, but not how I want it... or perhaps some of what I want, but not good enough. Like the Israelites in the wilderness who were tired of manna and cried for meat.

I thank him who has given me strength, Christ Jesus our Lord, because he judged me faithful, appointing me to his service, though formerly I was a blasphemer, persecutor, and insolent opponent. But I received mercy because I had acted ignorantly in unbelief, and the grace of our Lord overflowed for me with the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus. The saying is trustworthy and deserving of full acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am the foremost. But I received mercy for this reason, that in me, as the foremost, Jesus Christ might display his perfect patience as an example to those who were to believe in him for eternal life. To the King of ages, immortal, invisible, the only God, be honor and glory forever and ever. Amen.
~1 Timothy 1:12-17

God, may I prove true to the challenge you have set before me. Set my feet upon a rock! I feel the firey darts of Apollyon whizzing past my ear--protect me, Lord, and guide my sword in the attack. Thank you for bringing to my attention the dangers to both myself and my friend.

Um, don't follow that last link if you're sensitive to foul language.

Some scripture that the Holy Spirit illuminated during this battle (:

Ephesians 6:10-18
Ephesians 5:15- 21
James 1:22-26
**This is why the Bible needs interpreting. How else could I fight if I did not know my Sword?
Romans 10:5-17
Romans 7:7-25
Ephesians 3:14-21
Ephesians 4:17-32
Hebrews 12:1-2
(Shoutout to my new pastors, who preached through Ephesians last year. It helped a lot--thanks, guys!)

I want YOU!

At every turn God is challenging me. "Will you choose me, or the world?" He seems to ask.

You, Lord! You alone! Help me in my unbelief. Remove from me the fear of man. Though I know the process will be painful, I yearn to be free from what you do not require. I know that pain is temporary. Put light on your scripture, Spirit, and show me the way.

I'm So Excited!

EEEK! How will I be able to wait until 2011 for THIS? *sighs of rapture*

Epiphany 2.0

Yesterday I had a nice long chat with my pastor and his wife about Wycliffe Bible Translators. It was humbling and effective. I wanted to hear that I was perfect for the role and should continue in my happy way, but they probed deeper than I thought and shone light on potential problems I'd not anticipated.

Today I realized I needed to take my mind off the trivial stresses I'm currently experiencing and realize there is something beyond me that I cannot fix because Jesus is the only One who can. Rather than watching Batman Begins again, I read Called To Die by Steve Estes. It's a biography of Chet Bitterman, a linguist who worked for Wycliffe and died because of his work translating the Bible. I'm on page 116, and the thought hit me; Can I be motivated for work as a Wycliffe linguist? Jeff and Jo Smothermom (whose stories I was reading) were translating when asked to serve WBT in supportive roles. They hesitated because of their passion for the people for whom they worked. I'd be happy to serve, but could I serve as wholeheartedly and specifically as they? My pastor asked me why I wanted to translate, and the answer I gave was "so I could glorify God and enjoy him forever." Not incorrect, but way too prescripted. I am not motivated to study and fundraise for months before knowing the people for whom I'd be translating.

Dear God, please give me patience on this journey. Give me faces to identify, souls to reach, a culture to learn and a community to become part of so that I may glorify you and, with the help of the Spirit, to illumine the Scriptures to those unreached.

Challenges

Sometimes, life comes at you fast. This past month has been one of those times. Going from one challenge to another messes with one's priorities. Example: Job challenges are far below spiritual challenges. As you may know, I've recently been fighting the good fight (or Fight, as it may be) to a different (higher?) degree. Yesterday, I Peter 5:7 came to mind as I was praying for the various trials of friends and family. I was (am) unable to bear up under such things; fortunately I am not required to carry even the weight of my own sin. Today I was talking with Galadriel while finishing gluten-free cookies for my Faerie roommate. We began with Keith Green and wandered all over the topics of fatalism, ideology, predestination, spiritual warfare, Eastern religion, sociology...you get the picture. I was challenged that my standard was not high enough. I see that I've taken the perspective of "well, I'm doing all I can so that must be enough." I also see that the perspective I should (and have) had is, to put it very simply, "nothing I do is good enough. God does all. Follow Him." Galadriel brought up Romans 14:23b and challenged me. I was challenged. I searched the phrase "sober minded" in the ESV, and was particuarly struck by I Peter 5:8, a good follow-up to the verse I mentioned earlier (link). I will commit these verses to memory. I will spend more time in my prayer closet. By the grace of God...

Boasting About Tomorrow

Come now, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a town and spend a year there and trade and make a profit”— yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes. Instead you ought to say, “If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that.” As it is, you boast in your arrogance. All such boasting is evil. So whoever knows the right thing to do and fails to do it, for him it is sin.
~ James 4:13-17

Today, as I drove home from a promising job interview, this verse proved to be poignantly true twice. God kept me alive for a reason...God, please help me to discern the right thing to do!

The Illumination of Scripture

Aiiee! So much to blog about...so many half-baked thoughts that I haven't translated to English yet! Ah, well. Since blogging last, I've failed to blog about Zambia, fractured my fibula, gotten violently ill, traveled to the Worship God 09 conference and bid "farewell" (of sorts) to an old friend. And did I mention that the Holy Spirit has been mightily at work? Allow me to share some of his workings...

Matthew 4:1-11
Two things can be observed through this passage: The behavior of Christ and of Satan.

• Jesus was following the leading of the Spirit when he went to the wilderness and fasted.
• Satan came uninvited.
• Satan tempted Jesus in three ways:

1. For natural provision (food)
2. To test God’s promise (protection)
3. His faithfulness to God

• Jesus responded the same to all three temptations: With scripture.
• Satan quoted scripture to Jesus as well, but Jesus responded with scripture that was in context.
  
• Conclusion: Know Scripture! How can one wield a sword poorly forged?
  

Romans 7:7-25

"I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. ... Wretched [wo]man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself serve the law of God with my mind, but with my flesh I serve the law of sin." (v. 15, 24-25)

James 4:13-17
As I ponder my future and past and present, these verses are particularly poignant. Especially when placed next to some good Proverbs. One moment, I am despairing of ever moving forward. Another, I am tossed about on the winds of indecision. God is indeed my rock, refuge, and shelter.

God's Promises

I am currently meditating on God's promises to me. A friend and I were talking, and the topic came up. I teach the 3-5 year-old class in my church's children's ministry, and one of the modules that I taught was on God's promises. It drove home the point that God always keeps his promises, which has been great encouragement to me. But tonight I was wondering exactly what God has promised me, and the few results I've come up with are astonishing. Eternal life, being an heir with Christ, a way out from temptation, gifts of the Holy Spirit, a spirit of power, love, and self-control...the list goes on. And on. I may add to what I know of this list, when it's not 1 AM the day before I leave for Zambia. Which of God's promises do you know about?

Birthday

[So much to blog about, so little time. I may get around to it before I leave for Zambia, but probably not. Sorry, Future Self! I hope the memories stick around without the aid of this blog.]

So, my birthday was on Saturday. A friend posted 1 Timothy 4:12 on my Facebook wall, and it was really encouraging. Usually around my birthday I meditate on my own frailty, mortality, and fallenness, but this verse made me meditate on how Paul exhorted Timothy to live. "...set the believers an example in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity." Why did Paul write those things in that order? Considering that this was Paul, and it's scripture, that order was not haphazard. I'm thinking it reflects a person's character, working from what is immediately noticeable toward one's heart.

Five parts to a young leader's moral foundation...

1. Speech
2. Conduct
3. Love
4. Faith
5. Purity

Number 1 caught my attention. My speech habits have not been exemplary of late. I am not a perfect example in any of these five areas, but I certainly ignore my speech. Not only is it the first item on this list, it's one of the first things people notice about me. So many verses in the Bible convict me of habits that used to prick my conscience but no longer damage my calm. I pray God would give me the grace to be a loudspeaker for him, to produce only the sounds he wills me to speak.

Thanks, David, for the verse!

1 Peter 3:7

Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.

This passage has always bothered me. How should I respond to it? Male and female roles in society have changed a lot from what they used to be, and will change again, I'm sure. So my initial response was to shove it under the (often inaccurate) blanket statement that, well, it must have been a cultural thing, and it doesn't apply to me now. But if all scripture is inspired by God and useful for many things, then how did this verse get into the Bible? The implications are a lot more serious than merely a cultural difference. Prayer is not a cultural thing, so how could Peter say that it could be hindered by something cultural?

After attacking this from a lot of different angles, the Holy Spirit illumined the scriptures to me. This passage is making no claims that all women are weaker than all men. I am not married, right? So it is making no claims about me, either. And if I am to be married some day, then I most certainly do want to marry a man who is spiritually stronger than I so that he can lead our family. So, when I get married, this verse will certainly apply to my husband. COOL!

Clowns Won't Eat Me

Guess what! I'm awake! And I've got a knot in my left upper trapezius...

Homework #4 in my Psych class is due tomorrow. I'm supposed to find 5 sentences that I come across in "normal" reading that I don't understand. I can't find that many. I can't find one. I can find ambiguous sentences, grammatically incorrect sentences, and sentences that don't speak truth...but none that I can't understand. *sigh* Sometimes being smart earns bad grades... :-P

In other news, tonight will be the second consecutive night that I'll be reading the Bible before I fall asleep. It's pitiful, I know, but that's why God took pity on me. Last night I read several chapters from Isaiah (one of these years I'll finish that book), and this verse was really cool: Isaiah 45:19. It's been a huge part of my theological thought life in the past 24 hours...this verse is a perfect candidate for a scripture memory song.

Happy birthday to Mrs. Behrens...what a cool day to be born!