March 30th Was A Long Time Ago...

...considering the speed of the internet. However, at the consistent encouragement of iJosh, I am now on Twitter. Fo now, I am pointing my words at this webpage.

Tonight I visited another fencing club and had a terrible performance in the midst of serious, experienced fencers. I enjoyed the competition, but am frustrated with the mental block between what I know and what I do. Kinda like how I'm helpless before spiritual enemies. I've been meditating on Psalm 116 a lot recently (and Psalm 27). How appropriate to tie my physical weaknesses to my spiritual weaknesses. Even in "fair" competition, I am helpless without my Lord.

Words escape me, so allow me to paint a picture. I'm driving home from fencing, disappointed in myself and asking God why. The David Crowder Band's Church Music album is playing, and the lyrics break through my confusion.

"O grant us reprieve from the fighting

So we just rest our head on the shoulder of the One!"

I can't drive any more, because the Spirit has arrested my soul, and road safety is secondary to the One.

"We are loved!

And it's quite enough

That we are loved!"

Those Psalms come to mind, and I thank the Lord, for

"He has heard

my voice and my pleas for mercy."

I recently decided to pursue an even higher education. An education that will allow me to translate the Bible for people groups who have yet to read the Holy Word in their mother tongue. Think of how different your life would be if the Bible were still in Vulgate Latin, and you can imagine their difficulty. God has placed a specific people group on my heart for whom to pray. I can't picture their faces; I don't know how they communicate; but I want to be the lampstand from which the Holy Spirit illuminates the Bible to them. I get goosebumps, thinking about the possibilities.

None of this is possible on my own. Every day, I wake up and rely on the Lord for inspiration and providence and joy.

It's the Late, Late--I mean, Really Early Show!

Yes, yes...it's 4 AM and I cannot sleep. Methods I've tried tonight:

1. Staring at the ceiling
2. Staring at the insides of my eyelids
3. Listening to music in my head
4. Praying (I lack the discipline to pray for 4 straight hours)
5. Reading
6. Sketching

The painting in the post below has my artistic mind churning. I tried to sketch a sunset resembling Munch's, with some of my own technique, but couldn't figure out how to make the sunrays and the waves interact. So then I got out some color, hoping that would help...but I think pastel is the wrong media for such a blatant image. Too soft. Also, I should get/make a blending pencil. Some day.

I'm kinda concerned that I can't sleep. College fencing practice is tomorrow, and I'd really like to go, but after that I have set-up for church (it's in a different location, ergo the Saturday set-up) and then 4 hours of work. I've been doing nothing all week due to illness, so I'm concerned that no sleep + fencing + set up + work could equal a sicker Elf come Sunday morning. Sigh. And I already didn't go to practice on Thursday because I didn't feel good.

Oh wow! I haven't blogged about the tournament last weekend yet! Well, then, here's the report.

The weekend was a smashing success. My fears about what could happen when a bunch of college students rent some hotel rooms for a weekend were unfounded, at least for the night I spent with them. Thank God! I fenced the best I ever have in my life, which is remarkable because by 2 PM I was a metabolic mess. I had failed to carbo-load the day before the tournament, so after a few hours of fencing my body had no more energy to give my muscles or my brain. Ergo I could have won the bronze medal match for my team, but failed by one point. I tracked my performance, and won 7 bouts in a row before crashing...maybe next time I'll be able to extend that streak by planning better. Ah well. 4th place out of 20 colleges ain't bad, and we even got medals! So now I can say I medalled in a collegiate fencing conference :-)

The girls fenced the first day and the guys fenced the day afterward, so for the day that I was fencing I had a wonderful support group of guys from the team. Will was our main coach, and did a fantastic job. If he weren't so keen on leaving my city I'd ask him to join my coaching staff. Josh, who is planning to get his Master's degree in fencing (ack! So jealous), helped me with doing specific drills for some of my opponents, and tried to get me to fence smarter :-P Maybe I should ask him to join my staff...

Why did I fence so much better that weekend than other tournaments? The team aspect made a huge difference to me--I'm used to it because of high school. Individual bouts were better because I was not trying to analyze every scrap of information I could. Apparently I fence better when I'm slightly spaced out! By the end of the day I was pretty giddy and probably annoyed a lot of my teammates. Oops. Being sick didnt help that.

A note on some teams...our first match was against Swarthmore College, our hosts. None of us had warmed up (BAD idea), so we lost miserably. But we finished way ahead of them in the standings. Huh. Navy had a team there...and I was like "oh these girls should be fun to beat," expecting them to be all hardcore etc. Nope. Not so much as a fleche out of them. (PS I scored on fleches a lot! Weird.) William & Mary's team looked like they could all be relatives...after our match, one of their girls asked me if I spoke Icelandic. I don't, but told her I was a linguistics major, which made her explode in joy. Rather funny to watch someone else have reactions that I usually have :-) We had beaten Florida earlier in the day, but they beat us in the bronze medal match. Both matches were won or lost by one bout. They were a frustrating team to fence, but it was good fencing.

Also, I found a magic weapon. Well, ok, it wasn't magical, but the grip (large Belgian) fit my hand remarkably well, and though the blade had several weak spots (I prayed it wouldn't break on any of my opponents), it was light enough that the weight of the weapon was pretty far toward my hand. Yay! It's a lot easier to fence with lighter weapons and/or weapons that are weighted toward the hand. I was borrowing this particular weapon from Alex, because all of my weapons failed. Jason fixed one of my weapons and fell in love with it (it has a German grip and really flexible blade), so I told him I'd trade it for Alex's weapon (named Lucille). Maybe I should show up at practice tomorrow, if only to see if Jason got that worked out with Alex!

With that, I think I'm going to try this novel thing they call "sleeping."

Yay 2009!

The first month of 2009 has been full of God's grace! Allow me to recount his blessings, and please forgive my scattered recollections...

I spent the first few days of 2009 (and the last few days of 2008) in Akron, OH. I am seriously considering the possibility of God moving me to that city in order to glorify and enjoy him there. Nothing is wrong with where I am now, though. My heart sometimes fills with tension when I consider my future.

Speaking of my future, I've been applying for quite a few jobs since finishing college (I haven't graduated yet, but that's a long story...). No interviews. Huh. I'm tempted to doubt God's grace in this area, but he has provided for me in so many ways through so many times that reason demands I continue to daily place my faith in him. The struggle to trust him for a job in the right place has been oddly constant, but I'm learning more about perseverance. And I can't honestly say I'm uncomfortable about it. Learning about perseverance and faith in such pleasant circumstances is a surprise.

When I returned from my sojourn in Akron, I was privileged to sit under some amazing teaching at my local church. This message about fear brought about some particularly sweet times of repentance. I realized that I've been idolizing fencing, and trying to plan my future around my high school team at the expense of God's plans for me. As a result, I've been afraid of change, lest my idol fall. Because of Mr. Pierson's ministry, I've shifted my priorities into a more correct formation, and though the thought of leaving my team still makes me sad, I am willing to follow Christ joyfully, into whatever future he has planned for me.

Concerning fencing, my high school team is doing all right. Authority is a dangerous tool. I enjoy wielding it, but am constantly aware that I could be abusing it. A friend who fenced with me in high school returned to help coach for a few weeks before leaving to serve with the Marines. It was great to hang out with him, because his Senior year of high school was fraught with troubles, some of his own doing and some of divine intervention. Since joining the Marines, he has regained control over his life, and redeemed his time in the military well. When he finishes, he hopes to come help me coach again. I hope so! I am praying fervently that he gives authority of his life to God, who helped him conquer drugs and addictive habits. What a sweet thing that would be. His situation gives me hope for some who are currently in the fencing program.

And also, soon I will be able to say that I competed as a collegiate fencer. Next weekend I am headed East to participate in a large fencing tournament for college fencing clubs. I'm so excited! I hope I am able to keep my scheming mind calm enough to compete well and also be a witness to those who are in the darkness. I suspect I am the only Christian going on this trip, and there will be many opportunities to display my hope in Christ.

I'm also able to say that I've been ice climbing and mountaineering :-) I spent approximately 24 hours with a family in my church, and what fun we had! It actually was more than 24 hours, if one counts the service we rendered to the church as part of the Tech team. After church, a lot of people went sledding, which provided me an opportunity to ask Mr. C about ice climbing. He had tentative plans to go the next day, and invited me. The family was kind enough to share dinner and give me a place to sleep until we departed at 6 AM. We climbed and mountaineered for most of the day, and finished with a trip to Sheetz. Dinner followed at their home, then I went to my house to recuperate. I was bruised and beaten and inspired. I can't thank them enough for 1) planning the trip, 2) coming on the trip, or 3) staying home and caring for the rest of the family while the crazy people went climbing. I love climbing. It's the best (and safest) adrenaline rush I've experienced so far :-) Here are photos, if you're interested.

And I'm happy to say I've done all this without missing a high school fencing practice :-) Though my attendance at college practices have been lax...

Random: I'm developing a taste for coffee. Odd!

AHC

You're looking at the new Associate Head Coach of my fencing club. Scary, ain't it? I tell ya, responsibility can be a great agent for commitment. This next season will be a huge challenge...bring it on! I'm not comfortable in my position yet, but I'm going to take the advice my coach gave me in high school: Make aggressive mistakes! I was driving home from the fencing awards tonight pondering this, and recognizing that my pedestal is now higher...which means a fall would be harder. But the Gospel Song sprang to my lips...Praise God, for from him ALL blessings flow! He has already paid for my mistakes--I need not worry about my future! I am free to do as he wishes (which is the best plan of all), rather than cowering in fear of failure. Who can stand against him? Please pray for my team! They need a saving knowledge of Christ!

Hope Springs Eternal

Originally uploaded by -gadgetgirl-.

So, I just got back from fencing (duh...where else would I be right before a huge paper is due?). Life is not going smoothly, but my fencing class is :-) Today I had 4 new kids: two 9 year olds, a 45 year old, and a 60 year old. Tell me that's not a difficult class to teach. It wasn't difficult. I had a lot of fun. I'm still exhausted and have a huge list of papers to write, homework to do, sleep to get...wait, who am I trying to kid? April Fool's is tomorrow! Speaking of which, this was a great AF joke.

Good-ish news! Whatever my health problem is, they Docs have ruled out my gallbladder. Fat has reentered my diet. Normally I prefer healthy foods, but to celebrate I got a cheeseburger with everything on it at 5 Guys Burgers & Fries. Talk about grease. The thing was a veritable ball of a sandwich...so much was in that bun...*sigh* (Note: I am not endorsing greasy food or a gluttonous lifestyle.) BUT on Sunday morning Mr. Pierson asked those who wanted healing (physical or spiritual) to come forward for prayer...and since then I have had discomfort but no pain. I'm supposed to get an appointment with a gastrointerologist (hopefully not next year), which may get me closer to some sort of a solution for the problem. But thank God that I'm not in pain!

Fencing Is My Boyfriend (Why I Love Fencing)

Folks, I have a confession to make. I'm in a very serious relationship with an enigma we'll call Fencing. I know we shouldn't have kept our relationship so secret...but it's hard to explain why we're together when people don't understand. Some do, but they're often in similar relationships themselves. Please, allow me to clarify.

Fencing and I started out as something casual. I took to Fencing because it didn't monopolize my weeknights, gave me great coaches and good teammates, and was a good outlet for energy and occasional anger management. We got serious roundabout the time the head coach asked me to be part of his coaching staff. Though we didn't see each other more often, Fencing was on my mind much more than it had been in high school. When Fencing became part of the Recreation department, things got out of control. I now spend about 4 nights per week with fencing--this week it'll be five, and occasionally we'll spend Saturdays together. It's crazy.

Our relationship borders on abusive sometimes. I admit, I've cheated on Fencing before. Usually to go do crazy stuff like driving to see concerts or put on shows, but nothing really serious. Still, Fencing occasionally will beat me up and enjoy it. Tomorrow I'm going to have lots of welts on my right shoulder, and my left calf muscle is going to ache, and it's all Fencing's fault!

So, why don't we just break up? It's not really that simple...see, now that I'm financially dependent on Fencing, breaking up would involve a lot more work. It's just easier to keep things how they are. And honestly, I think our relationship might improve. At least, I've tried harder to not cheat...

Ha! Did I lie well enough to make you think that Fencing was tangible and we were headed toward trouble? Abusive relationships are nothing to joke about, but it struck me as funny when I realized one could see my involvement with fencing as such. Just for the record, I am not in any serious relationship of any kind (see the end of my post). Now, the post I initially wanted to write...

Why I Love Fencing

• Ever had that feeling of pure happiness brought about after a night of fencing well against challenging opponents? When Rita's Ice fills your belly and replenishes your muscles' supply of carbs? When the cool summer air rushes through the car windows and cools your slick, sweaty head?
• Ever had that feeling of triumph when you beat an opponent soundly because you've practiced more and sweated gallons and lunged farther and parried efficiently and hit more accurately?
• Ever had that feeling of gratitude when you realize you've just outrun your old self and it was all because your teammates encouraged you?
• Ever had that feeling of euphoria when you coach a kid you've trained for his whole career in fencing and he's winning?
• Ever had that feeling of power when you tell a kid how to change his game to beat the other guy, and your ideas plus his skill win the bout?
• Ever had that feeling of soreness due to literal wounds inflicted by friends and muscle exhaustion?

There are lots of reasons why I love to fence, and to coach fencing. These are some (minus the last one). Leaving my team will be hard, if God leads me to do so. But I know that, as he has given me the grace to continue in such a pursuit to give him glory, he will give me the grace to leave this pursuit and glorify him in other ways. I'm so glad he's given me this pursuit for now.

Strangeness

Today I feel like a "normal" student. I stayed on campus after classes were over because I plan to hang out with friends tonight. First weird experience was eating dinner...all by myself...surrounded by strangers who were also eating. I read my textbook on English grammar to keep myself from feeling suicidal. Then I went to the computer lab (where I am now) to download & print various things. I've gotten decently good at managing "fun" time on the internet, so after I was done scrolling through blogs, Flickr, and YouTube, I -gasp!- did some studying. Man, it would be so much easier to study if I lived on campus. I'm sure there are distractions here, but I feel so ridiculously lonely and faceless that I'm studying child psychology just because it gives some sort of purpose to the evening. Which brings me to another realization. Fencing takes up A LOT of my time, and a lot of my identity is in fencing. Which isn't bad, but it's just interesting to realize that, besides church, fencing takes up an awful lot of time.

Miike (Bubs) just called. Bye.

Weekend(s) II

I thought I had this published, but it seems I didn't...so, the week before last weekend (does this sound familiar?) was especially enjoyable. So this is from the last weekend in October.

On Friday I went to the zoo with Heather D., her children, and the children from another family in church. I touched a stingray! Several, actually! Their skin is remarkably soft. The lion roared for us, too :-D God's creation is so amazing. He is truly the Creator, the only one, and the epitome of creativeness. This struck me yet again at the zoo. Everything from cheetahs to glow-in-the-dark scorpions to giant octopi. What hasn't he created? And there are worlds out there full of his imagination that would terrify us! It makes me want to create by imitating him more than ever, though I know I can but cheaply imitate him.

Later, I went to the last boot camp of the preseason and studied all the kids that will make up the future of my team. I like it. I think it's a good mix, and I'm excited about next season (especially epee...I think I picked up a few converts :D )

After THAT I ran around like a madwoman to get ready for yet ANOTHER SYMPHONIC CONCERT! I wore my mother's school dance outfit of the 70's: black velvet vest, black velvet pencil skirt, a collared, button-down shirt that had renaissance sleeves, and my elvish necklace. Though it's hard to walk in, I love this outfit and rarely wear it. Dad looked at me and said, "The last time I saw that get-up your Mom was wearing it." Way cool! I also found out that my paternal grandfather always wanted to see me in black velvet. Interesting.

This time I went to go hear several choral pieces by Bach and Beethoven's 5th symphony with John and Katie (we switched brothers ;-)). There was one fly in the soup: The trolley was late so I barely got there in time for the start of the concert. But after that things went swimmingly. I've rarely enjoyed any concert as much as that one. Afterwards John showed us around the Chem-E computer lab in the basement of Benedum while we talked about school and futures and stuff like that. Then we went to Fuel and Fuddle for my first time. I got woodchuck draft cider and we all shared a really good pizza that had blue cheese on it.

On Sunday I mixed the sound for church service. I tried SO HARD to keep it under 90 dB, and suceeded most of the time. However, I didn't have to sacrifice anything to keep it so low! The guitars and piano really clicked, so I could push the electric guitar in a way I've never felt the freedom to do without expecting complaints. Normally it's just acoustic and piano...and though I "featured" certain instruments for certain songs, I never had to blank one or the other because they clashed. It was so fun. I kept chuckling during worship because it is so fun to just play with the instruments...something I've never done before to that extent.

There were many, many more events...but at this time, my memory fails me. I shall write more as it comes to mind!