Education Reform and the Presidential Race

This article (yes, I know, another link to Boundless) is a perfect example of why the education system in the United States should be demolished. Even as someone who wasn't mass-educated with peers, the system still affects me in negative ways. I hate it.

Which is why I'm voting for Chuck Baldwin as President. The man wants to disband the Department of Education, which is one of the things that Ron Paul wanted to do. By the way, Ron Paul endorsed Chuck Baldwin. While voting for Chuck isn't quite like voting for Ron Paul, I'm more confident in a vote for Chuck than I would be for any other candidate. Chuck's policies resonate with my convictions except in one area. He's said nothing about the environment and the so-called energy crisis, and I care very much about those issues.

Some would say that I'm throwing my vote away on a candidate who will never get into office. I disagree. Vehemently. Voting for one of two majority parties, neither of which I support or agree with, is throwing my vote away. Voting for the candidate who seems most likely to get into office but barely agrees with my views on anything is foolish. I don't want McCain in office! Sure, he's pro-life, but consider that he won't have power to stop abortion! I don't agree with his energy policy or his foreign policy or his VP candidate or the reasons why he chose Sarah Palin as his VP candidate. And yet, I can't vote for Barack Obama. The man has terrible views on foreign policy and would bring this country even closer to a socialist state. I can't vote for that.

I'm sick of this two-party majority.

Story of My (Night) Life

Daydreaming at Night
Thoughts spinning, I write
Nonsense over again.

Heart thumping, breathing,
Eyes open, staring
I want to fall asleep.

Analyzing all
Anything at all
My brain won't stop thinking.

Metallic tasting
I search for something
That makes my brain shut off.

No rest for the weary.

The Office

Today I was able to help around my church's office for a bit while Mom got ready to leave. As I was scribbling an address on a package, the assistant pastor walked up and sighed.
"Can I help you?" I asked.
"Nahh...I'm just tired."
"Oh. How many hours of sleep did YOU get last night?"
"Well, um...probably more than you did!"

I don't know if I got more or less sleep than he did, but that post on tithing took quite a bit of time out of last night. So when I got home from the office I slept for 6 hours, and here I am...awake still! 5 AM! Yay!

Remember how I watched a lot of action flicks this Summer during late nights? Now that school has started, I'm memorizing vocab lists :-) And occasionally researching theological topics.

Tithing

The two responses I've had to my last post indicate that I need to clarify my position on tithing. Thank you to those who responded! You challenged me to evaluate tithing from a strictly biblical perspective.

As a child, I learned about giving. My parents often gave me quarters to put in the offering box. (Why? I'm not sure.) The children's ministry in my church once did a skit about tithing. One of my teachers dressed up as a Hebrew woman, put some oranges in a basket, prayed that God would use them for his glory, and left them on a shelf. This left a big impact on me, because it was the first time I associated tithing with glorifying God. I remember distinctly getting $2 from somewhere (probably a gift-I was about 4) and deciding I would give it to God. So I dressed up as a Hebrew girl, put my $2 in a basket, prayed that God would use it for his glory, and left it on my dresser for weeks. I expected them to disappear. Nothing happened. I put them in the offering box at church, figuring it was more convenient for God to use them there. God still hasn't taken my tithes directly from me.

I couldn't think of any verses relating to tithing off the top of my head. That was embarrassing. The closest thing I could remember was the spiritual gift of giving (which I've prayed to receive). So I searched in my concordance for "tithe." There were 35 verses containing the word.

Tithing is first mentioned when Moses talked to God on Mt. Sinai. People were supposed to give gifts to God, and quite a few gifts are mentioned. The only quantitative value mentioned, however, is a tenth of seeds, fruit, and animals. All these gifts (not just the tithe) were given to the Levites, because they served in the Temple. The Levites were supposed to tithe on the tithes they collected. However, tithes also went to travelers, orphans, and widows.

Then there's the "Robbing God" passage, which seems to be a popular source of ideas on tithing.

Will man rob God? Yet you are robbing me. But you say, ‘How have we robbed you?’ In your tithes and contributions. You are cursed with a curse, for you are robbing me, the whole nation of you. Bring the full tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. And thereby put me to the test, says the Lord of hosts, if I will not open the windows of heaven for you and pour down for you a blessing until there is no more need. I will rebuke the devourer for you, so that it will not destroy the fruits of your soil, and your vine in the field shall not fail to bear, says the Lord of hosts. Then all nations will call you blessed, for you will be a land of delight, says the Lord of hosts.

This makes sense from personal experience and other testimonies. My parents have gone through periods of tithing and not tithing, and God was faithful to provide in either situation. But, according to my father, my family was blessed to not just "get by" but give sacrificially when tithing. However, I don't think God will only bless those who tithe. That's ridiculous; it ignores the grace that God continually pours on us, whether we acknowledge him or not. But it is a wonderful opportunity for God to prove his faithfulness and use us as tools for his will. Don't you want to be part of God's plan? I do! I think tithing can be one way that we participate in God's will.

Tithing is not supposed to be a burden. Jesus hated legalism, and said so with pretty strong language.

“Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you tithe mint and dill and cumin, and have neglected the weightier matters of the law: justice and mercy and faithfulness. These you ought to have done, without neglecting the others. You blind guides, straining out a gnat and swallowing a camel!"

But I would argue that, if you find tithing to be a burden, your wallet is not at fault. Your heart is. I do not know anyone who is destitute. I've never met anyone who is destitute, even the panhandlers that line the streets of my city. This is fodder for another blog post, but none of them have ever taken my offer of a free lunch after I refuse to give them money. I am not destitute, despite being what most classify as a "poor college student." I don't know any poor college students. If you're in college, which is an incredible privilege, you are not poor. Granted, you probably have a huge financial responsibility, but the fact that you were able to take on that responsibility indicates some amount of resources. If God has indicated that, by going to college, you are giving sacrificially, great! He hasn't given me that desire, but I'm not going to rule it out as a possibility for others.

The Bible doesn't reference a group of people who should not tithe. Even in the New Testament, Jesus encouraged his disciples (most of whom did not have jobs) to give sacrificially, and praised a woman who gave every financial asset she had.

And he sat down opposite the treasury and watched the people putting money into the offering box. Many rich people put in large sums. And a poor widow came and put in two small copper coins, which make a penny. And he called his disciples to him and said to them, “Truly, I say to you, this poor widow has put in more than all those who are contributing to the offering box. For they all contributed out of their abundance, but she out of her poverty has put in everything she had, all she had to live on.”

Financial assets are not the only thing that God commands us to give. He commands us to give him everything. What's the difference between tithing and sacrificial giving? To tithe means to give 10% of one's income, but does sacrificial giving encompass that? Cain and Abel offered the fruits of their labor to God, which I'm sure was not easy to do, considering their working and living conditions.

Tithing is mentioned in the New Testament as something that Jews did, in a mostly legalistic sense. Jesus never commanded us to tithe in the New Testament. However, in Hebrews 7 (interesting chapter...go read it!), tithing is mentioned as part of the Law, which could not provide perfection.

Now if perfection had been attainable through the Levitical priesthood (for under it the people received the law), what further need would there have been for another priest to arise after the order of Melchizedek, rather than one named after the order of Aaron? [...] For on the one hand, a former commandment is set aside because of its weakness and uselessness (for the law made nothing perfect); but on the other hand, a better hope is introduced, through which we draw near to God. [...] For it was indeed fitting that we should have such a high priest, holy, innocent, unstained, separated from sinners, and exalted above the heavens. He has no need, like those high priests, to offer sacrifices daily, first for his own sins and then for those of the people, since he did this once for all when he offered up himself.

So, then, I think we're called to a standard above and beyond a simple tithe in the same way that Jesus went above and beyond the standards of Levitical priesthood. Ever heard The Sheep And The Goats by Keith Green? It references the Final Judgment in Matthew 25. That kind of giving is far beyond tithing, and is motivated by love, not duty.

So, why do I tithe? 10% is not a magical number. It is, however, a historical benchmark that I find useful to evaluate just what, exactly, I ought to give my church. Ideally, I would tithe from every pay check consistently because it serves as a reminder of my financial priorities. When God calls me to go above and beyond that, I pray that my heart is willing and ready to follow his calling. I won't judge others because they don't tithe, but I do think it is important that Christians make it a priority to honor God with their finances and give when he leads them to.

If I am wrong, please tell me how! If you're struggling with giving sacrificially, please talk to someone about it! If you have repented of your sins and are seeking to love God with all your heart, your soul, your mind, and your strength, it is important to put your money where your mouth is.

The LORD Is At Hand, And Will Provide

Lately I've been feeling distant from God. I "feel" him when I pray and worship, but there's a constant nearness of God that I've been missing for the past few days. Tonight I reluctantly opened my Bible to Jeremiah 16, wondering if I should be reading something more emotional to get that "nearness" feeling back. But this chapter was next on my list, so I read it.

Then I ran into verses 10-12.

“And when you tell this people all these words, and they say to you, ‘Why has the Lord pronounced all this great evil against us? What is our iniquity? What is the sin that we have committed against the Lord our God?’ then you shall say to them: ‘Because your fathers have forsaken me, declares the Lord, and have gone after other gods and have served and worshiped them, and have forsaken me and have not kept my law, and because you have done worse than your fathers, for behold, every one of you follows his stubborn, evil will, refusing to listen to me.

God pushed a button.

I'm not disciplined with tithing, and God showed me that I've been making my tuition bill a financial idol. I haven't forgotten to tithe, but I've pushed it back "until this bill gets paid." Um. The point of tithing is giving God the FIRST fruits of my labor, not the dregs. *cough*

Soooooo, maybe I've been feeling distant from God because I'm not completely focused on him? DUH.

Tonight I sorted through months of pay stubs and figured out what I should have tithed and stuck a check in my Bible for next Sunday. But I found something among all those pay stubs. I found a paycheck that more than covered what I should have been tithing...so...it kinda drove home the point that what I have is not mine. It's God's, and I'm foolish to think that I can keep what is rightfully his. He provides, even for tithing.

Fireproof

I came away from this movie with two dominant thoughts: I would never be able to love anyone unconditionally on my own, and I am so glad that someone loves me unconditionally. This movie was superb in almost all aspects. The content sets it apart from most films in that it shows Love, not fluffy romance.

Technically, this movie is much better than the average low-budget religious film. The Kendrick brothers (a director/producer duo) seem to have learned a lot from Facing the Giants, and put that experience and knowledge to work even harder on Fireproof. The actors did a tough job very well, especially for inexperienced volunteers. There were moments where I wished certain actors would diversify their facial expressions and poses, but the acting rarely felt forced and flowed smoothly. The soundtrack did exactly what it was supposed to do: Support the actors' emotions and occasionally become part of the story. The song "While I'm Waiting" became part of the story, and I loved it.

Most religous films get uncomfortably preachy. Some deal with this up front (like VeggieTales). Some try to hide it, and generally fail miserably. Fireproof was not preachy; it was a story. Everything that happened was for the sake of character development or the plot. At no point did I ever feel like someone broke the 4th wall (which is when movies start to get preachy) and gave me info that could possibly help me, but had little to do with the story. However, as I thought about the movie, I was reminded of Bible verses and sermons that expounded upon topics that were integral to the film and applicable to my life. It was PERFECT!

You've probably heard me rant before about the Disney Princess Franchise. I have come to hate Disney Princess movies and other such romantic trash. There is little redeeming value in those stories, and they've brainwashed my generation of women to expect perfection from obviously flawed men. What's more romantic than a man devoted to a wife who will not love him? I work in a household where the husband shoulders a staggeringly large burden in order to care for his wife, and in two years I've never heard him complain about it. That's romantic. "Making out" under the Eiffel Tower is not romantic. Romance is when a wife lays down her agenda and desires to follow her husband to the ends of the earth, not waking up when the "right" man (i.e. whoever happens to find her first) kisses her.

So this movie was like water to my romantically parched soul. At the same time it gave me hope and despair. Despair that I will ever be able to love the way God does, and hope that God can change the hearts of sinful, dirty humans like me. My ideals of Love were challenged. I realized that a marriage can reflect the Love that Christ has for the Church, and I also realized that I know much less about Love than I thought I did. My first thought when the end credits rolled was, "man, I am never going to be able to get married." And then, "but honestly, would I want marriage if it meant anything less than what I just saw?" The answer was, of course, no. So now, instead of looking for a husband, I am looking for Christ in a man. And training myself to Love unconditionally. I think the latter will be the hardest.

Ack! I'd love to talk about details, but the movie is SO GOOD if you don't know the story. So go watch it. Then talk to me about details. Go watch it multiple times, in fact. The first time I saw it was the best, but the second time was more meaningful, if that makes any sense whatsoever. I'd like to go watch it a third time...my brain still hasn't processed everything that happened, and the story is SO GOOD!

Dear Kendrick Brothers, please make a sequel to Fireproof! Caleb and Katherine could have children, and you could call it Childproof! :-P

More Boundless

The title of this post makes no grammatical sense. But we all know that Boundless is a noun and an adjective, right? :-P

This post was particularly good, and appropriate for the season. I suggest you read it, and keep your eyes peeled.

"Don't just follow your heart, lead your heart!"

I learned about Fireproof via Josh Harris' blog. It's being made by the same church who did Facing the Giants (which I still have not seen). Anyone want to go? It's at a theater very close to my house and I'll be going on Friday...and hopefully on Sunday, if it warrants a second viewing.

Offshore Drilling

I found this graphic via EcoGeek. Please allow me to state that I have no opinion on offshore drilling...most reports I've seen of that situation are extremist and emotional, and I don't want to form an extremist, emotional opinion. If any of you happen to have some balanced proof as to why offshore drilling should or should not happen, please share! I'm sick of listening to people who either have no regard for Creation or who think that preservation of Nature is more important than preservation of Mankind.

Anyway. This graphic uses stats taken from the US government (which isn't a reliable source, but that's another topic). It's the first attempt at an objective evaluation of offshore drilling that I've seen. And I find it amusing.

Not only would it take years for such a thing to reach peak production, it would only produce 200,000 barrels/day, which is about 1% of overall predicted production.

I still don't have an opinion on offshore drilling, but I think those who expect it to lower gas prices might want to look for a different solution.

Bengal Cat

Leo-kitten
Originally uploaded by Norma1.

I WANT ONE!

With shockingly green eyes, and large spots.

I'll probably adopt it, since buying an expensive breed is (in my opinion) ridiculous.

Some day.

Rock Climbing

Climber
Originally uploaded by Tyromind.

Today, I went top roping for the first time since I knew what I was doing (last time was at Ohiopyle with a dude in our church who took a bunch of us climbing. It took me 3 tries to climb 10 feet.). It was FUN! I tell ya, if everyone could find a means of exercise that made them this excited, there would be a lot less fat people in this world.

Adrenaline rushes are addicting. Dude, I thought jumping off the wall when bouldering (a 12 foot drop) was fun...try belaying off the top of a 30 foot wall! Also, every time I push myself to reach for something that I don't want to risk and/or don't think I can do, and make it, I get euphoric. Handel's Messiah plays in my head. Fun stuff. If only I had more endurance in my upper body!

(If you're wondering how I'm learning to climb, my school has a pretty nice wall that they use to teach classes. Yes, I'm getting college credit to learn how to climb stuff :-D )

Live Like You Were Dying

People say one should live as if life would end soon. Tonight, as I watched the night sky, I thought of my list of "Things I Want To Do If I Ever Am Diagnosed With Something Terminal." One of those things is going to Alaska and watching the Northern Lights.
"Why don't I just drop everything and go see the Northern Lights now?" I asked myself.
Self replied, "Well, you do have a job to do this weekend, and school on Monday. You can't ignore those responsibilities."
"Yes, but what if I found out that I will probably die in 3 weeks? What then? What if I suddenly die without any warning? Wouldn't my trip to Alaska be justified?"
"Well, yeah," said Self. "Well, no! I mean...if you're going to die soon, you'll be with Jesus soon. So what's the point of seeing the Northern Lights? Sure, I've never experienced them but they are definitely not as amazing as Jesus' face. Why focus on carnal pleasure when you're so close to spiritual wholeness?"
"Then why do so many people focus on fulfilling 'dreams' when they get to the end of life? Hmm...shouldn't life be continually fulfilling a big dream? I.e. purpose? And if God's given me a purpose in this life, then if I were to learn that I'd die before Christmas, I shouldn't want to do anything differently than what God has me doing now."
"Weird. But it makes sense, too. Because how will one glorify God and enjoy him if one were to just satisfy carnal desires for the entirety of one's life? Such a life would be empty."
"..."
"Exactly. I think you need to rewrite your 'Things I Want To Do If I Ever Am Diagnosed With Something Terminal' list."
"In order to live as if I were dying, I'd need to live as if I were fulfilling God's purpose for me, which would be my dream. I, uh...certainly don't think along these lines when I wake up on the average morning."
"Looks like we have an attitude adjustment to make! Hurry, let's sleep so the morning comes sooner!"

[Yes, I know the title of this post is from a country song. For the record, that song is, musically speaking, horrible. But the line was good.]

Nature Speaks of God

The heavens declare the glory of God,
and the sky above proclaims his handiwork.
Psalm 19:1

And God came here? To save us?

[Note: There will be a meteorite shower very early on Tuesday morning...check it out!]

The Power of Words and The Wonder of God

I recently went to WorshipGod 08, which was the best conference I've been to in years. I hope to blog about that eventually...but, while I was there, they mentioned the Desiring God 08 conference, and I dearly want to go to that! Anyone want to come with me? I'd stay at the Minneapolis International Hostel, which is "for the budget traveler" (read: Cheap).

What a wonderful opportunity this would be for me as a linguist! What a wonderful opportunity for those of you who use language! Anyone else interested in going?

AHC

You're looking at the new Associate Head Coach of my fencing club. Scary, ain't it? I tell ya, responsibility can be a great agent for commitment. This next season will be a huge challenge...bring it on! I'm not comfortable in my position yet, but I'm going to take the advice my coach gave me in high school: Make aggressive mistakes! I was driving home from the fencing awards tonight pondering this, and recognizing that my pedestal is now higher...which means a fall would be harder. But the Gospel Song sprang to my lips...Praise God, for from him ALL blessings flow! He has already paid for my mistakes--I need not worry about my future! I am free to do as he wishes (which is the best plan of all), rather than cowering in fear of failure. Who can stand against him? Please pray for my team! They need a saving knowledge of Christ!

ESPN and Josh Hamilton

It's long, but if you've got 10 minutes you ought to read this. The story is amazing, but I also find it amazing that it's published by such a widely known news source. COOL!

Praise God

...for all blessings come from him. Time for a praise report!

• Youth Camp. So many things happened here...
• People were saved! Including a girl on my team! AHHHH! More than cool! Awesome!
  
• Something happened to me, too. I feel like...the old me. Like me in, say...11th grade. Not that 11th grade was great (pfft), but my attitude is way more cheerful than it has been recently. To what can I contribute this recent joy? God.
• Made some great friends. The people on my team were great! My co-team-leader (Tim) is a gift from God. I had a great experience as team leader last year with Jason and was afraid my expectations would be too high this year, but Tim was fantastic. And the campers were incredibly willing to participate and a few really interacted with God.
• "The Bible is the story of all God has done for me." (Josh Harris) That is incredible. God has done a lot. For me. *breaks into song* Oh! It was all for me! It was your grace that drew me to the cross!
• When I write thank-you lists to God, I tend to focus on physical stuff; i.e. right now I'd be listing all the great assets God's given to me. But I don't want to focus on that. So I'm gonna focus on stuff like:
• School. Gotta work on thanking God for one more semester at school...need to start expecting his work there.
• Evangelism. I went street evangelizing recently for the first time in years, and though I generally don't like the results because I generally don't see them, street evangelism is FUN! The Holy Spirit was definitely pruning my branches through that experience. I can hardly wait for another one (which will come this month, hopefully)!
• Friends. So much of my life is good because of friends, and especially their prayers. I love my friends. Some day, in the New Earth, I expect to be able to cultivate my friendships a lot more than I can now. Thank God for the little bit I can do now!
• Parents. I am learning a lot about humility and submission because I still live with them. I am not humble or submissive, but I'm learning about it...

Dude, God's awesome. Not kidding in any sense. I wish I could write music for him. Or dance. Or...something. But I guess nothing I do can add to what he's done, so why stress? Ah, God. You're a freaking genius.

All I Could Do...

...was watch it again. And again. And thank God for talent :-)

Why...

...are we here?

This is the theme of YCo8. Please be praying for the activity of the Holy Spirit during camp! We're going to be delving into some serious stuff, which is great. Camp is generally the best part of my summer, and so many lives are impacted (just ask the guy who's my co-team-leader). I hear the messages are going to be online, if you're curious about listening to them. However, I highly suggest you visit in person. Camp is great.

WE FINGERPAINT BETTER THAN YOU!!!
(Inside joke. To be explained at a later date.)

Sick

You know what's worse than not being able to sleep? It's being sick and not being able to sleep. Usually when I'm sick I can sleep like a newborn, which is great 'cos I don't feel sick when I'm asleep. But now...ugh.

This article was good encouragement, though.

Why don't I see a doc? Last time I saw her for a head cold/chest congestion, she gave me albuterol and amoxicillin. Amoxicillin is a terrible thing to hand out for minor-ish sicknesses like mine. It doesn't work, and there's a chance that whatever I'm sick with could get resistant to the drug. Beg to differ, if you'd like...but I have a long, colorful history with that drug, and for me at least, it doesn't shorten recovery time and leaves me weaker than if I hadn't taken it. Albuterol, though...man, that stuff works in ways it shouldn't. It's supposed to dilate the bronchioles and make it easier to breathe. However, it also dilates the blood vessels, which means the heart starts pounding (which mine does anyway when I'm sick, 'cos I usually get dehydrated), which makes the adrenal glands get all excited, which means I breathe faster...and eventually I start bouncing off the roof. I'm surprised people don't just huff albuterol in the mornings instead of drinking coffee. It works faster.

Sleep

*Cue BNL's "Who Needs Sleep" song. If you don't know who BNL is...um...just search for the song. I can't mention their name on my site without getting unwanted attention. Regardless, the song is ridiculously appropriate.*

Lately, my cures for insomnia involve adventure films. Granted, I've spent most of the last two weeks in the Big Apple (post forthcoming?), so my insomnia has been embraced and encouraged, but eventually I had to come and the late hours have followed. Anyway.

Tonight I watched X-Men 2. It's certainly got a few minutes of iffy-ness with regards to morality, and the premise is irrational, but (excepting the FFWD moments) I enjoyed it. I watched the scene where Xavier's academy gets invaded several times because the action's so...viscerally good. There's so much in there to chew on...the power of government and science, acceptance of "unusual" people, appreciating those you don't like/understand/are different, the role of religion in life, how disgusting it is that people have blindly accepted macro-evolution as a "theory," etc. etc. etc.

Last night (two nights ago?) I watched Annapolis, which is about a young man's first year in the Naval Academy. That move made me think about bravery, loyalty to self/others, motivation, and courage. It was wildly inaccurate, but I enjoyed this one also.

Why do I like these movies? Besides the fact that the leading actors were some of my favorite (though James Franco's expressions do get repetitive), I find them inspiring. People do things that are bigger than themselves. Their actions affect others in a positive way. These movies aren't "realistic" in that they're about people I know or situations that I could be in, but they contain themes that challenge me to think and to act beyond myself.

Prediction: If society continues down the path I see it going, the action/thriller genre will shrivel considerably. Everyone loves hearing about the glory and praise a hero receives, but eventually we will love comfort and ease and self so much that learning about the challenges a hero must overcome before earning victory won't be worth the thrilling end.

The more life I live, the more I learn that the journey determines the destination. One may choose a destination, but how often does one reach that destination? By all indicators as a high school senior, I should have just started my first week of graduate school, earning my doctorate degree in physical therapy. My journey has led me pretty far from that destination, though it may lead me back in the distant future.

I can't claim to know the future. So how does watching action flicks tie into this? Life is an adventure, even if the adventure lies in choosing to serve my church rather than slave over college classes. Watching others do hard things inspires me to do hard things in return, even if it isn't deflecting missiles with my mind or returning for a second semester of military school. Most of my challenges involve waking up early to get to church set-up on time, or putting my game face on (yes, coaches have them too) when entering the door of the fencing salle. Huge challenge: Budgeting. I hate doing it, but without it I can't glorify God to my best ability.

Note: I'm dying to read Do Hard Things, but since it just came out, I can't buy it. Anyone want to lend me a copy? I'll be nice to it!

...And this ties into sleep how? Action flicks help me sleep. Not kidding. My brain does not shut off, even in sleep. Chewing on the issues presented by these films keeps me from dreaming horrible, nasty things. Horrible, nasty dreams tend to drag on while my subconscious searches for something meritorious to end it on a good note, but "thinking" dreams are beneficial and usually end quickly. Garbage in equals garbage out, though, so some action flicks don't help.

I'm off to ponder the relationship between Wolverine and Rogue. What makes Wolverine seem like a father figure? How does Rogue respect him? Etc. etc......zzzzzzzzz

Blogroll

I recently made some updates to the links I have on the sidebar of my blog, and I'd like to highlight them and why they're linked to my blog.

Da Ketter - I've known David Ketter for quite a while, and this blog is a collaborative work between him and several other godly young men. I've found lots of encouragement and challenging statements here.

Big Guy - New blog from a good friend who is dating a very close friend.

Melder of Words - Writer friend whose poetry I find stunning. Also, I enjoy his laugh.

Liberian Missionary - A friend who is evangelizing in Liberia with Samaritan's Purse. My prayers go with her!

Philly Teacher - The chronicles of a friend who is evangelizing and teaching in inner-city Philly.

Unconformed - the collaborative blog of several godly young women, one of whom I am privileged to call "friend."

[Former] Evil Editor - A "kindred spirit" who (I desperately hope) will be spending her summer with me. We have quite a colorful history together.

Boundless Webzine - This site is full of great perspectives on much that's relevant to my life.

Eco Geek . Org - Though it doesn't share my Christian perspective, this site is full of ways that I can preserve the earth God created, as well as cool tech projects that attempt to do the same.

Pray For Ian - I can't believe I didn't have this link up until now. A childhood friend of mine is dealing with serious brain damage after a car crash. Please pray for him.

The Uncultured Project - Rather than buying an Xbox 360, this grad student traveled to India to see what a difference his Xbox money could make. You think your little contribution won't help? IT WILL.

Good Bassist; Great Band - the blog of the bassist of my (current) favorite band, Mute Math.

Church

My church is changing. You know, in The Lion, The Witch, And The Wardrobe where everyone's whispering "Aslan's on the move!" My church has that feeling, only it's not Aslan, but the Holy Spirit. Thank you, God! My church has needed more of the Spirit! Yes, we're mostly Reformed, but we are certainly not cessationists.

God is so incredibly...um, indescribable? "Good" doesn't capture it. The concept of "goodness" is too small to apply to God. For the past few Sunday mornings God has astonished me more than the last time, which generally leaves me on my knees with a shaking soul and a joyful heart. It's cool. It's more than cool.

Last month, in addition to God greatly reducing my pain, he healed a two-year-old who was thought to have bone cancer in his hip. God has been giving my assistant pastor prophetic songs, which he performs on the piano. He's never performed on piano in his life. During several Sundays, my pastors felt lead to deviate from their sermon notes--for which I am very glad! You ought to go listen to the sermons. Last Sunday's sermon was particularly striking.

College Night was last month. Jeremy (the assistant pastor) did not have notes for the evening, just a handful of songs and fervent prayer for the Spirit to move. Nothing *spectacular* happened, though people were impacted. I was convicted that I haven't been treating my sin as harshly as I ought. However, as most people left, a handful of people were left sitting on the floor of the Church office, praying and singing and encouraging one another. It was a sweet time of ministry, and a memory I will carry for a very, very long time.

I should also mention that our church had a Church-wide fasting and prayer meeting. I'm humbled to say that, for the first time in my life, I fasted for a whole day. It was certainly not my strength that carried me through the day. Verse I meditated on while fasting:

Your words were found, and I ate them, and your words became to me a joy and the delight of my heart
Jeremiah 15:16

Why? 'Cos I was fasting, and wanted (still do) to feast on God's words while abstaining from food.

I am so excited to see what God will do for my church! Sunday has been the best day of the week for most of my life, but these Sundays have a certain element of surprise to them, an electric expectation to see God, to glorify him more, and fellowship with his Bride.

Souls Aren't Built of Stone

Perfection is unattainable. So, how close to perfection must one be?

Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.
Reference

I desire a husband, a home, and children! I'm so sensitive to these desires I can't even listen to Amateur Lovers without pitying myself. It's sickening.

For the wicked boasts of the desires of his soul, and the one greedy for gain curses and renounces the Lord.
Reference

Of course I wouldn't make a perfect wife; I don't have the skills for that yet. But I'll never attain perfection, and I am not gifted for an entire life of singleness!

Arise, O Lord; O God, lift up your hand; forget not the afflicted.
Reference

If only my standards weren't so high! If only intimacy weren't so hard! Maybe this should change! Maybe I shouldn't ask myself to do the impossible!

Why does the wicked renounce God and say in his heart,
“You will not call to account”?
But you do see, for you note mischief and vexation,
that you may take it into your hands
Reference

I am not asking myself to do the impossible; God is.

Break the arm of the wicked and evildoer;
call his wickedness to account till you find none.
Reference

Asking God to lower his standards is a despicable idea. It is beyond language that describes filthy, undesirable actions. Yet I cannot refuse God's request.

O Lord, you hear the desire of the afflicted;
you will strengthen their heart; you will incline your ear
Reference

Society does not value my strong commitment to these ideals. Daily I am assaulted by language, images, and attitudes that reject what I strive so hard to uphold. I feel like Job when he says:

My spirit is broken...
My days are past; my plans are broken off, the desires of my heart.
They make night into day: ‘The light,’ they say, ‘is near to the darkness.’
If I hope for Sheol as my house, if I make my bed in darkness,
If I say to the pit, ‘You are my father,’ and to the worm, ‘My mother,’ or ‘My sister,’
Where then is my hope? Who will see my hope?
Will it go down to the bars of Sheol? Shall we descend together into the dust?
Reference

Fellowship with Christians is helpful because I realize that there are those who also recognize and resist this clashing of culture with Christ. But I constantly fight against the potentiality of sin, even among Christian brothers!

I suppose this was my idea. School was supposed to be a mission field, so I refused to attend one that was full of students and ideals that claimed to be Christian. In some ways, I am very glad of this.

For all that is in the world—the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride in possessions—is not from the Father but is from the world.
Reference

Every time this ugly sin manages to seize my attention and appear so attractive, God gently, methodically, consistently brings my attention back to him.

Now we have received not the spirit of the world, but the Spirit who is from God, that we might understand the things freely given us by God.
Reference

EVERY TIME! God is faithful, and he's showing me what "faithfulness" is. This is so hard to comprehend. Sure, I could give you a dictionary description of the word, but the concept...God is giving me something to reference every time I think of the word "faithful," which makes it so much more meaningful.

Do not be conformed to this age, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the good and acceptable and perfect will of God.
Reference

Ridiculosity!

This got me mad. But it also gave me an excuse to link to a site I enjoy...not that I've gotten a Car-ectomy, (I've never had a car), but it's full of useful tips.

Hope Springs Eternal

Originally uploaded by -gadgetgirl-.

So, I just got back from fencing (duh...where else would I be right before a huge paper is due?). Life is not going smoothly, but my fencing class is :-) Today I had 4 new kids: two 9 year olds, a 45 year old, and a 60 year old. Tell me that's not a difficult class to teach. It wasn't difficult. I had a lot of fun. I'm still exhausted and have a huge list of papers to write, homework to do, sleep to get...wait, who am I trying to kid? April Fool's is tomorrow! Speaking of which, this was a great AF joke.

Good-ish news! Whatever my health problem is, they Docs have ruled out my gallbladder. Fat has reentered my diet. Normally I prefer healthy foods, but to celebrate I got a cheeseburger with everything on it at 5 Guys Burgers & Fries. Talk about grease. The thing was a veritable ball of a sandwich...so much was in that bun...*sigh* (Note: I am not endorsing greasy food or a gluttonous lifestyle.) BUT on Sunday morning Mr. Pierson asked those who wanted healing (physical or spiritual) to come forward for prayer...and since then I have had discomfort but no pain. I'm supposed to get an appointment with a gastrointerologist (hopefully not next year), which may get me closer to some sort of a solution for the problem. But thank God that I'm not in pain!

Fencing Is My Boyfriend (Why I Love Fencing)

Folks, I have a confession to make. I'm in a very serious relationship with an enigma we'll call Fencing. I know we shouldn't have kept our relationship so secret...but it's hard to explain why we're together when people don't understand. Some do, but they're often in similar relationships themselves. Please, allow me to clarify.

Fencing and I started out as something casual. I took to Fencing because it didn't monopolize my weeknights, gave me great coaches and good teammates, and was a good outlet for energy and occasional anger management. We got serious roundabout the time the head coach asked me to be part of his coaching staff. Though we didn't see each other more often, Fencing was on my mind much more than it had been in high school. When Fencing became part of the Recreation department, things got out of control. I now spend about 4 nights per week with fencing--this week it'll be five, and occasionally we'll spend Saturdays together. It's crazy.

Our relationship borders on abusive sometimes. I admit, I've cheated on Fencing before. Usually to go do crazy stuff like driving to see concerts or put on shows, but nothing really serious. Still, Fencing occasionally will beat me up and enjoy it. Tomorrow I'm going to have lots of welts on my right shoulder, and my left calf muscle is going to ache, and it's all Fencing's fault!

So, why don't we just break up? It's not really that simple...see, now that I'm financially dependent on Fencing, breaking up would involve a lot more work. It's just easier to keep things how they are. And honestly, I think our relationship might improve. At least, I've tried harder to not cheat...

Ha! Did I lie well enough to make you think that Fencing was tangible and we were headed toward trouble? Abusive relationships are nothing to joke about, but it struck me as funny when I realized one could see my involvement with fencing as such. Just for the record, I am not in any serious relationship of any kind (see the end of my post). Now, the post I initially wanted to write...

Why I Love Fencing

• Ever had that feeling of pure happiness brought about after a night of fencing well against challenging opponents? When Rita's Ice fills your belly and replenishes your muscles' supply of carbs? When the cool summer air rushes through the car windows and cools your slick, sweaty head?
• Ever had that feeling of triumph when you beat an opponent soundly because you've practiced more and sweated gallons and lunged farther and parried efficiently and hit more accurately?
• Ever had that feeling of gratitude when you realize you've just outrun your old self and it was all because your teammates encouraged you?
• Ever had that feeling of euphoria when you coach a kid you've trained for his whole career in fencing and he's winning?
• Ever had that feeling of power when you tell a kid how to change his game to beat the other guy, and your ideas plus his skill win the bout?
• Ever had that feeling of soreness due to literal wounds inflicted by friends and muscle exhaustion?

There are lots of reasons why I love to fence, and to coach fencing. These are some (minus the last one). Leaving my team will be hard, if God leads me to do so. But I know that, as he has given me the grace to continue in such a pursuit to give him glory, he will give me the grace to leave this pursuit and glorify him in other ways. I'm so glad he's given me this pursuit for now.

Creative Writing, Health, And NYR Update

Tonight was great. The air felt alive with the energy of Anakin as he makes his decision to join the dark side or continue on the road he's already chosen. The setting sun only served to clarify this energy. Darkness snaked long fingers around corners and into tree branches, yet light still glistened on grass blades and windowpanes. It was the kind of evening that, when one wears a jacket, is pleasant. The lukewarm air whispered on one's cheek. It filled the lungs easily, and made one want to sing just so one could breathe another lungful. Dampness crept into collars and under pant legs, snuggling against hot skin and chilling it. Going inside felt like a tragic loss. (What do you think of that? Breka, I'm 'specially interested in your opinion, if you have one...)

Last week, I got my gallbladder ultrasounded. Funny story: Nurse picks up a file for a female patient, aged 22, who is here for an ultrasound. She assumes I'm pregnant, and stares at me trying to figure out why I'm getting an ultrasound when it's obvious the baby's not big enough to really notice on the ultrasound. Heh. Final ultrasound results: Normal. I have no gallstones (and just for the record, I am not pregnant either :-P ). The doc thinks I might have "sludge" (precursor to gallstones) in there, so on Wednesday I get to drink radioactive goo and trace it through my gallbladder just to see what happens. Kinda yucky...but hopefully it will clarify SOMETHING. Also, I'm beginning to wonder if this pain is, in fact, my gallbladder. Tonight I had an estimated total of 28 grams of fat during dinner, which is a LOT considering I've been mostly vegan for the past two weeks. I have pain, but nothing abnormal. However, when I tasted JPB's rum on Sunday night I had almost instant pain that lasted for hours. The doc warned me that alcohol would have the same effect as fat...hmm. PS- being vegan ain't bad. The food is great, though it drastically slims down menu choices at Eat'n'Park. Which is a terrible restaurant anyway.

New Year's Resolution Update: So far, I have bought only one thing that's brand new this year (besides perishables etc.), which was a racquet for my gym class. Kinda necessary. It's freeing, actually, to not buy stuff. I don't feel a need to flip through magazines or go to stores looking for good buys, because I can't buy it anyway. However, I am getting slightly worried about shoes. I'll be needing a pair of dress shoes and dress sandals very soon, and permanently borrowing Mom's would be cheating since she'd just go out and buy herself a brand new pair anyway. And dressy footwear shouldn't really be duct-taped.

Bland

For the next few days, I am supposed to eat a very bland diet, consisting of rice, toast, applesauce, and bananas. Why, you ask? My doc thinks my gallbladder "contracted" because bile can't get out (see story below). She wrote me a bunch of prescriptions for some pretty weird tests. First, have gallbladder ultrasounded. If that test is negative, drink radioactive stuff, force gallbladder to contract-which means I throw up-and see how much bile comes out. If the radioactivity test shows that my gallbladder isn't up to snuff, she wants to take it out. I don't like that drastic idea. I don't like the idea of drinking radioactive stuff and throwing up, either. I like the idea of calling my naturopathic friends and seeing if they have a solution for dissolving gallstones. If you do, please share! You may be responsible for saving my gallbladder!

Weird note: The doc told me that this mostly happens to fair, overweight women in their 40's. I'm not overweight (any more), though I am fair. Am I 40? According to my birth certificate, I'm not. But I keep getting "old-people" diseases. First arthritis...then this... I ran this idea past my Mom, who laughed and said "But you're too beautiful to be old!" She forgets two things:
1) Age does not necessarily mean beauty
2) I look the same as I did when I was 10, except I've got nicer glasses
So maybe I'm one of those people who just ages faster than they're supposed to! Or...not.


Here's my story of gallbladder contraction...
[Gross Alert--Do Not Read If Easily Repulsed. Also, if the story was terrible, please tell me. I hate deluding myself.]

On Monday I came home from fencing class and within 5 minutes was hurling my guts into the toilet. Before class I ate apple sauce with golden raisins and cinnamon in it and promptly got a stomach ache. During class I was getting woozy. My students were probably wondering why I was teaching while sitting on the floor. Ah, well. The stomach ache was very similar to the one I had in Virginia while visiting a dear friend, though I never threw up then. I got over that one with the help of fiber. Dad tried to feed me medicine (I forget what) for this one, but it wouldn't stay down long enough to do anything.

There's one good thing about this episode in my life, though...a funny story! I hope...

The pain in my abdomen would get closer and closer to "impossible to bear"...then fade...over and over again. "Is this what childbirth is like?" I asked Mom while gasping for breath after a surge of pain. She chuckled and said, "probably." If so, I'm glad for 3 things when it comes to labor:
1) Contractions don't last the whole time, they come and go
2) According to my genetic history, labor won't be as long as I was in pain for gallbladder contractions
3) Mothers hopefully get a baby at the end of labor. When my pain subsided, I got threatened with losing an organ.

My doctor, when telling me about my symptoms (ironic, isn't it? SHE told ME about MY symptoms!), said that the pain is often like labor. Heh.

Strangeness

Today I feel like a "normal" student. I stayed on campus after classes were over because I plan to hang out with friends tonight. First weird experience was eating dinner...all by myself...surrounded by strangers who were also eating. I read my textbook on English grammar to keep myself from feeling suicidal. Then I went to the computer lab (where I am now) to download & print various things. I've gotten decently good at managing "fun" time on the internet, so after I was done scrolling through blogs, Flickr, and YouTube, I -gasp!- did some studying. Man, it would be so much easier to study if I lived on campus. I'm sure there are distractions here, but I feel so ridiculously lonely and faceless that I'm studying child psychology just because it gives some sort of purpose to the evening. Which brings me to another realization. Fencing takes up A LOT of my time, and a lot of my identity is in fencing. Which isn't bad, but it's just interesting to realize that, besides church, fencing takes up an awful lot of time.

Miike (Bubs) just called. Bye.

Clowns Won't Eat Me

Guess what! I'm awake! And I've got a knot in my left upper trapezius...

Homework #4 in my Psych class is due tomorrow. I'm supposed to find 5 sentences that I come across in "normal" reading that I don't understand. I can't find that many. I can't find one. I can find ambiguous sentences, grammatically incorrect sentences, and sentences that don't speak truth...but none that I can't understand. *sigh* Sometimes being smart earns bad grades... :-P

In other news, tonight will be the second consecutive night that I'll be reading the Bible before I fall asleep. It's pitiful, I know, but that's why God took pity on me. Last night I read several chapters from Isaiah (one of these years I'll finish that book), and this verse was really cool: Isaiah 45:19. It's been a huge part of my theological thought life in the past 24 hours...this verse is a perfect candidate for a scripture memory song.

Happy birthday to Mrs. Behrens...what a cool day to be born!

The Power of Media

On Monday nights I usually listen to the last 30 minutes of This American Life. Sometimes it's worthwhile. Sometimes it isn't. Last Monday's section was GREAT. It featured Malcolm Gladwell, who was talking at a comedy club about his experiences working for the Washington Post. The MP3 (free and legal) is here, though you've gotta fast-forward to the last part (or you could listen to the whole thing...). Also, ignore the one bad word...

This is going to be a pain for you (if you choose to do it), but I wanted to record the link in case I ever feel like looking up this guy for some obscure reason. Let me know if you heard it, and what you thought about it!

Late? Nahhh...

This was really good. I liked the verse from Proverbs that was quoted. A lot. Also, the author quoted Philippians, which reminded me of this recent sermon, which was also really good.

I complain most (I think) in competitive environments. Sometimes it's a way to apologize to someone for me losing or not having enough skill to be a challenge to them, which is stupid and I'll stop it when I notice it (God, could I get some help in this area? K thanks).

Where and when do you complain? Well, STOP IT! (with God's help, of course) :-P

I Should Write A Song About This

I'm not tired at all! And I'm craving chocolate, which is a terrible combination. But, in other news, the Forrest Gump Suite by Alan Silvestri is really good! 80's movies had good soundtracks, despite the hair and the general foul-mouth-ed-ness. Also, Sarah Chang will be playing Vivaldi's Four Seasons in my city soon...

Speaking of music (I do a lot of that, don't I?), check out this song. It's got an interesting history.
You can download the mp3 for free!

Men = Kleenex?

(This was written in response to a paper I read for class, "Penguins Don't Care, but Women Do: A Social Identity Analysis" by Fatemeh Khosroshahl. I edited it slightly so you, dear readers, might understand it a bit more. Please, let me know what you think! Answer my questions!)

According to this article, men view the word "he" as something like a brand name that covers generic humans and men specifically in the same way that many people use the word "Kleenex" to refer to the brand and generic facial tissues. This analogy was good, but I was struck by the humorous images in my head. How does one picture generic humans, anyway? (UGH! Never mind...)

Perhaps we overuse pronouns, and just need to get more creative with English. Every phrase I can think of that needs a generic pronoun can be rephrased to not include pronouns and be more precise.
Examples:

1. "Somebody left his/her bike in the yard" --> "Somebody left a bike in the yard."
   
2. "Man, being a mammal, excretes milk for his young" --> "Humans, being mammals, excrete milk for their young."
   
3. "The average reader of this blog can afford his own car" --> "Average readers of this blog can afford their own cars" (Hopefully there's more than one reader, right? Even if you can't afford a car?).
   

Am I wrong? Can anyone think of phrases where using a singular generic pronoun is unavoidable?

Also, what about titles like "dude"? Historically, it referred to males, but in an appropriate context I use it to address both genders quite frequently and will respond to someone calling me a dude. Some of my friends have a problem with this, and ironically most who have voiced this opinion are male. I'd be curious to know how many people (and their age and gender) associate "dude" with the male gender.

Dust To Dust

Today Fluffy was buried. Her grave is under my bedroom window, in memoriam of all the times when she'd sit on windowsills and watch my family. Her shroud is a soft blanket with angels on it--the blanket that Grandma Q gave me for Christmas. When she was covered up, I played May It Be (by Enya, on the LotR-FotR soundtrack). Emotions are complex.

Thanks, Dad, for burying Fluffy with me.

Sadness

Remember this post? Well, that dear cat is dead. For real. No ifs, ands, buts, or regrets. I'm glad I had such a cat, and do not expect to have another like Fluffy any time soon. Poor girl.

My Professor Might Hate Me

Well, actually, the TA might. She's gonna be the one reading this ridiculous essay I have to hand in at 9 AM on Sunday. What kind of weird time is that? Even if it is a digital paper!

And I can't get the silly thing written. It's supposed to be relatively easy, but the topic is just too interesting and I keep obsessing over little things.

Wikipedia
Oh how you enable me
I used to love you
But now I hate you
Sorry
Please forgive my
linguisti-geek-y-ness

~by Yours Truly

BUT, I've gotta finish it before 7. 'Cos I gotta get ready for church and be there by 7:30 ( ? Yeah, right. You Calvettis are probably laughing at that).

I don't think I'm going to sleep this weekend. Downer. I wonder what in the world I'm wearing to church tomorrow--er, today, rather.

Just in case you're wondering, I'm writing about essays concerning bilingualism and bilingual education. Black Vernacular English (Or African American Language, or Ebonics, or...pick your acronym) in particular, though I've also delved into Spanish, Gaelic, Welsh, and basically any indigenous language on the African continent. Quite fun, really...until you put a deadline on it.

What Does A "Lost Generation" Look Like?

I know I have Jason's blog link on my sidebar, but I was particularly affected by this post. It has a rather unusual writing style for him, but he picked a great writing method to communicate his story.

Originally uploaded by -gadgetgirl-.

Not Dead Yet

I've had the same stereo for about 10 years. I love it. I paid $70 for it all that time ago, and it's served me incredibly well. It's balanced very well and has a good range. It may be small enough for me to pick up, but the bass can shake the floor. But the tweeters are quality too...and it puts out good mids. It's got a somewhat weak 3-band EQ, but hey--it's an EQ. The only thing I don't like about it is that it lacks an auxiliary input.

During the Christmas season, when I was making peppermint fudge like it would solve the problem of world hunger, this stereo resided in the kitchen to assist in the fudging process. When I moved it back into my room, it didn't work. Weird. I switched out the power cord to see if that would help. It didn't. I tried a third power cord. No go. So today when I cleaned my room, I put it outside my door to trash it. I was sad--this thing had been the instrument on which so much good music had become auditory. Its bass had bothered my parents to no end (sorry, Mom) and caused me much rejoicing. Ah, well. Maybe, in a few months, I'd be able to afford another (used, of course) stereo. Until then, I'd assault my ear drums with headphones. *sigh*

On my way through the house looking for a cord to connect my camera to the computer, I found yet a fourth power cord that could work for my stereo. Hmm..why not? I tried it. IT WORKS!

It's stuff like this that makes me sure that God is very present and cares deeply about me. You probably are confused and amused that I'm so excited to have my stereo back, but God seems to understand the significance :-P I can't wait to blast Mae's Everglow album on that thing :-D But for now I gotta get out of my PJs and fence...

New Music

I had no clue that not buying music this year would be so hard. I also had no clue that my favorite beatboxer/flautist was recording a CD with his band, PROJECT. They're pretty sweet! I'm definitely going to be looking out for this album in 2009...and hey, maybe they'll come visit my city! (Not my father's cave-city in Mirkwood, silly! Although I'm sure they'd be welcome there, if they could find the place.)

Can Anything Be Truly Random?

Certain readers of my blog would find it interesting to know that I found my iPod this morning. It was in my backpack...which I had vigorously searched on several occasions. It fell out when I shook the dust off the backpack. Although, for those interested readers, Mom's iPod is with my sister, and once Mom has it back she plans on using it. Sorry!

Also, I will buy a new racquet today (or tomorrow) for my racquetball class. I took my mom's racquet to class today, but it's about half the size and not bouncy (dense?) compared to "modern" racquets. I'd look in thrift stores for a new one, since it seems like something people would toss out a lot, but I don't have enough time :-(

Tonight I'll be writing two columns for my University's student newspaper as part of the application process to be a columnist. I think it'd be fun to write again...we shall see what they think of my writing!

Mom just told me that the beater arm for her stand mixer is gone. No one knows what happened...but the last time anyone saw it, it was in my mouth. She asked if I'd accidentally tossed it out. I highly doubt it (seriously, who would throw out an enameled metal thing?), but wouldn't that make for a great blonde joke? Hm...kinda...NOT!

NYR Again

Well, that lovely plastic folder thingy that tempted me to break my resolution is getting the axe. It looks great and seems like it would work, but getting a folder outside of the bigger folder which is in my backpack is a hassle. So I'm going back to the old-fashioned binder system (blue binders are M/W/F classes, black are for T/H classes). So, Lane...if you're interested in that folder thingy, give me a call :-) Or you could go to Office Depot...that's what I did...

As for getting new paper: Have you never heard of the 3 R's? (What DO they teach children in schools these days? :-P) Reduce, reuse, recycle. I rarely throw paper away. If I've got a sheet of paper with a mostly-clean side, I reuse it to print stuff like map directions, school assignments, etc. Only when I have to present a paper do I use new stuff. Also, recycling is great, but unfortunately our society (if it cares at all) likes to start with recycling, rather than use it as a last resort. BUT, if you've gotta buy new paper (and who doesn't at some point?), you could try to get recycled stuff. It's not that hard to find any more.

Jon, thanks for commenting. I don't like "cheap" stuff, either. Annie Leonard's statistics do seem unrealistic, and I did wonder if she got tired of speaking in such an emphatic, high tone. Did you listen to the sermon? I'd be interested to get your take on that, too. I do plan on writing about my Year of Used Stuff, because it will hopefully get creative. (If I can't find black dress shoes that are second-hand, could I make them out of duct tape? :-P )

NYR Update

So, I go 8 days without buying anything brand new. That's pitiful. But I don't mind. The New Year's Resolution came with a caveat (which I didn't mention earlier) that guilt must be prevented at all costs--yes, even the cost of destroying the Resolution. So it's still on, I'm just not suffering from guilt :-P

I need some way to organize recently acquired academic materials, and the resources in my basement weren't sufficient. So I got an expandable folder with removable folders in each slot. This way I can fill it with lined paper (that I already have) and can order my notes and class handouts chronologically (which is hard to do with a spiral bound notebook and I never get around to hole-punching handouts for binders). Sweet! But I plan to use it for more than just this semester, 'cos plastic is a terrible thing to throw away.

By the way, the website says it fits about 20 sheets of paper per folder. The folders are small, but I'm going to fit lots more than that in there...trust me ;-)

Irrevocable

So my last two posts have had pretty much no original content. Sorry. But still, I wanted to reference this post about happiness and decision-making. I love that the psychologist proposed to his girfriend after analyzing data.

"...knowing the future is not the same as knowing how much one will like it when one gets there"
~Daniel Gilbert

Comedic

Most of this blog's readers would appreciate this parody (you gotta click on the "Homeschool Family" video near the bottom left). Anyone else (or those who don't get the inside jokes) might enjoy the rest of Tim Hawkin's videos.

New Year's Resolution

I've never made a New Year's Resolution before. That tradition, in my opinion, would create more guilt than good, and so is harmful. But this year, I'm making a lifestyle change. Calling it a New Year's Resolution just happened to be convenient. Also, every time I write "2008," hopefully I'll think about it and keep myself from slipping back into my old ways.

First off, you should go watch this video. It's long, but it's worth it. Then you should go check out this blog post. Then go listen to this sermon.

I listened to the sermon first. It was incredible, and one of the reasons why I went to New Attitude '07. Eric Simmons is a great preacher. A few months later, I can't even remember how, I discovered one of the Compact people, via the blog link above. Just today, I watched the video after finding the link on Josh Harris' blog. Over the past year or so, I've had all these realizations that are, finally, resulting in action.

I solemnly swear to buy nothing new for the next year. This includes a new championship ring (should my team earn another championship), a new computer, a new cell phone, new clothes (with a few logical exceptions), and...music. (That's going to hurt more than most things!) Also, I'm going to recycle more purposefully than in the past. I recycle at school, and my family recycles plastics, but the trash that comes out of my room will be sorted accordingly.

Why? The statistics stated by Annie Leonard and the Compacters may or may not be 100% true, but the concepts they present and the problems they reveal about consumerism make me think. I agree with their solutions, and am following their examples to make the solutions personal. Consumerism is part of my culture. I choose to reject this part of my culture. Some people take offense to aspects of foreign cultures; this part of foreign culture has offended me enough to reject it.

Foreign culture? Yes. Being a Christian, I am in this world, but not of it. God commanded us (me) to subdue the earth. Not destroy it. We've done an incredibly poor job of cultivating God's creation, and instead have plundered and pillaged. I am not turning into a tree hugger or anything quite so extreme, but I'm doing this because God created the world to sustain humanity, and it may be hard to see at first, but there is plenty of physical suffering in the world that is aggravated (if not created) by our lust for affluence. I don't want to cause others to suffer just so I can have a green shirt that matches my striped vest. That's sick.

You may be asking why I singled out music. Music is a good thing! I love it! I got 6 CDs of fresh goodness for Christmas, and hope to enjoy them for a long time. I'm "fasting" from new music for the time being, because music is a "financial distraction" right now. Some day I may have it in my budget...but not now. Besides, free music can be found if one looks for it.

What will I buy, then? Most of my money will be going for my college tuition right now...but I still plan to go to concerts, eat food, and buy college textbooks (though I'll get those used through half.com).

Hopefully I'll blog about this throughout the year, and my first New Year's Resolution will result in positive change.

Insomnia Film Festival

Yeah, I still haven't fallen asleep. THIS was amazing, though! SO GOOD!

New Family Tradition?

Not Sad (Quite The Contrary)

Christmas resulted in a torrent of good, new music (my dad introduced me to the Brian Setzer Orchestra. Go check them out)! Huzzah!

One new album I have is Switchfoot's Oh! Gravity which I should have gotten myself long ago (at least before I saw them in concert recently--post about that is coming).

Their song Yesterdays is so, so so so so so good on every level I can think of (guitar parts? Aiie, they send shivers down my spine). If I had a six-star playlist like John, this would probably be on it. It is, however, on a playlist called Death/Funeral. By far, it's my favorite song of the four that are currently there, though the average rating is 4.75 stars. Why? The topic of death causes me to worship like few topics do. Please, let me explain. I know you're probably creeped out, but hey, it's my blog, and I really want to tell you this story.

Years ago, before Christ, I was deathly afraid to die. I would lay awake and imagine ghastly events resulting in death, or imagine that death was imminent. Because of this, gory things don't scare or gross me, and it probably contributed to my insomnia. My parents often dealt with this fear, since I woke them up a lot, claiming I could see smoke (in the dark?) and was convinced that the house was on fire and we'd all burn in our sleep. (How old was I, Dad? Four or five, maybe?) But one night, my dad gave me a verse to remember, which was Psalm 30:5*. He explained to me the concept of faith, and that faith is reaching out in the dark with my heart and knowing that God was there, beyond a shadow of a doubt, and had only good things in store for me.

At that tender age, I began to wrestle through thoughts of God's existence, sin, Heaven (reward), and Hell (punishment). God was certainly there; I can't remember a time in my life where his voice has not been audible to my soul. My (meager) life experience led me to believe that he did reward faith and punish sin, though he sincerely did not want to punish anyone. What had I to lose by culturing faith in God? Yet, everything was to gain by doing so.

Late one night when I lay awake seeing wisps of smoke and fighting the urge to wake my parents again, that verse came immediately to mind. "His favor lasts for life! ...Joy comes in the morning!" I latched onto that promise, and for the first time believed that God had only good things in store for me. Joy will come. At first, I hoped it meant that I would live to see the sun rise again, but if it didn't I would be seeing the Son, which must be better than anything I can see here. In those sleepless nights, God helped me cultivate a sense of anticipation, learning more about death and that it isn't the end, or even just a stagnation, but a portal. What lies beyond that portal depends on what one does before reaching it, and God accepted my childish faith and assured me of a purely good future. What exactly that goodness was, I could only imagine, but my faith filled that unknown.

Over the years, I've learned tiny bits about what Heaven and Judgment Day will be like, and have realized that there's more--my faith must result in action. But I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that death is going to be exciting! There are good things in this life that might not be in Heaven, but God has nothing but good in store for me, so if he chooses to give me another kind of goodness, it must be better than anything I've known yet. There are things, however, that I will be so glad to not have. Arthritis has pointed me toward the promise of Heaven so many countless times. Did you know that in Heaven, we'll have new bodies?!? This makes me breathless! No pain, ever! Did you know that God can't stand the presence of Evil? So if we're going to live in his presence (can't type, mind is exploding...), then we can't even consider the topic of Evil. Petty thoughts and hurtful actions will be GONE! AH! What could be better? No Utopia could match this! How can I even think about such a lofty ideal? I don't know! I know I can't realize any of it, or really predict anything. It's a wild, glorious unknown. It's a place I can barely wait to reach. In fact, I've thought about going there NOW, but Philippians 1:21-26 has kept me here to fulfill the good purpose God has for me.

If the paragraph above didn't make you breathless, or laugh, or at least smile, my writing has utterly failed. Language is a pitiful medium to communicate such ideas--that's why you should go read what the Bible says about faith, promises, goodness, and Heaven. Those aren't merely words; they're alive because of the Holy Spirit. He can communicate in ways I can't imagine.

Heaven is why death holds no qualms for me. I have fears about how death may come, and still lay awake imagining unlikely, unpleasant ways to die. But the pain will be over eventually and I, yes I, will see the the Son of God and will be an heiress with him. An equal with God's Son? This sounds blasphemous! But it's true! So true! Every fiber of my body screams in anticipation of this joyous event. (Not kidding. Even my nose is running really hard right now... :-P)

It's selfish of me to wish that no one would cry at my funeral, however. I mean, hopefully my life has impacted at least some others and shown them God's goodness. If they think that my death means God's goodness has ceased to be revealed in at least one aspect, I can't wish that they'd forget about God's goodness. But I don't want my funeral to cater to sadness and depression. Look up! Rejoice in God's goodness! Thank him for what was, and rejoice in what will be!

Every lament is a love song!
~Jon Foreman

*My first "real" Bible, a Precious Moments Bible, had a page dedicated to this verse. I recently gave it to my cousin's daughter. I pray that she learns the same precious truths that I learned, and a genuine faith grows in her heart as a result of that Bible.

The Semi-Annual Interview

[Cue: couch with one occupant. Sun is setting in window behind couch.]

Self: And welcome, folks, to this semester's edition of Thoughts of a Wood Elf! Once again, I'm hosting a guest, Self. But before we meet Self, let me give you all some background information. Self left the bureaucratic world of academia at a huge university and spent some months working at a sub joint. This fall she returned to school, and tonight we're going to hear about her experiences. Please, welcome Self!

[Applause.]

Self: Hi, thanks! I'm glad to be here.

Self: Self, it was rumored that you'd dropped out of college. Was that true?

Self: No, I'd never planned to leave college altogether. I certainly needed a break, and wasn't sure I'd be going back to the same school, but I always hoped to finish my degree.

Self: Why?

Self: I was so close to being done already, and a college degree can open doors, even if they're not in fields that one has studied. Personally, I wanted revenge, too. I felt like the College Experience tried its best to chew me up and spit me out, and I wanted to get back at "College," and prove I was actually smart enough to graduate.

Self: Wow. Has it worked?

Self: Oh, yeah. I haven't graduated yet, but this semester has been so different!

Self: So you've been sleeping 8 hours a night and eating meals at regular intervals?

Self: No, I'm still an insomniac and I actually stayed away from food on purpose this semester.

Self: Whoa, OK. Two questions: 1) Why did you stay away from food? 2) What was different, then?

Self: I stayed away from food because I wanted to lose weight but didn't feel healthy enough to work out. A long time ago I swore never to do this...but I did. Oh well. Next semester will be different, though, because I plan to work out regularly in an effort to stay healthy, rather than recognize that need after I get sick and too weak/lazy to exercise.

[Self passes a slip of paper to Self, which says "Note to Self, starving is a terribly inefficient way to lose weight."]

Self: So what's going to change about next semester?

Self: I discovered a program at my school that gives you a ton of resources to help you set fitness goals and reach them. So I'm going to invade the gym most days after classes, armed with knowledge and having specific goals. One of those goals will be to improve my fencing footwork. I hate feeling old and slow when I coach!

Self: [Chuckles.] Let's go back to academia. What changed in the months that you took a break from college, and how did that affect your studies when you went back to school?

Self: Well, I battled depression in the winter and spring. I wouldn't say I "recovered" from depression during the summer, but I was reminded of central truths that I had taken for granted or forgotten. I think part of depression is a worldview that causes one to keep looking back into oneself, which can be healthy but not in extremes. God changed my view to be focused on him, rather than myself. So I approached the fall semester with a very expectant attitude, waiting to see how God would glorify himself there.

Self: And did God come through?

Self: Of course, silly. When doesn't he? He taught me a lot about relationships this semester, for which I am incredibly grateful.

Self: How did your approach to school change?

Self: It didn't.

Self: So did your semester grades change?

Self: Well, I only took 4 classes, so I had more time to devote to studying...not that I really studied all that much more. But in the past, I've been excited to get something other than a C. This semester, I'll be disappointed if I get a C. Hopefully that trend will continue next semester.

Self: What, in your opinion, caused this change?

Self: Linguistics! I love it...I love that I can geek out over it with my classmates, and they participate in the geekiness and encourage it. It's hard to geek out over something like biology...something that is certainly mysterious and intriguing but which has been researched to death. Linguistics is such an undeveloped field...if I ever get to research stuff, I have a notebook full of questions I could easily turn into research projects. I mean, Sign Language alone has so much to offer that no one knows about, and it's only one of five languages I've studied. Oh, speaking of languages, I think I'll have time to study one more language before I graduate. Should I pick ancient Greek, ancient Hebrew, an African click language, or artificial languages like Klingon and Elvish?

Self: Um, perhaps we should poll the audience!

Self: Sounds good. Whaddya think?

[Turns and looks at you expectantly.]

If This Doesn't Make Sense, It's Vincent's Fault...

I've come to the sudden conclusion that it's hard to be idealistic about one's work. If I went into an art field, it would have something to do with the visual arts, but I've been afraid to follow this path because I'm idealistic about what and how I would create art. And yet, I love music but don't claim to be a musician. I am an instrumentalist, yes. I know how to play the violin and can produce good notes (with exception, of course). But I don't know music, and cannot produce good original music (I may be able to jam, but only because I've studied Sevcek's variations). So it's much easier to be idealistic about the kind of music I enjoy than the kind of art I create. After all, if my next meal would depend on the the shape of pot I throw, I'd certainly throw something that would sell, not necessarily the shape I want to throw (though hopefully I'd get to do that, too). There are careers to which this doesn't apply. I hope CPAs aren't not idealistic about their work...the idea is to have integrity, after all.

I love studying the interaction between the visual and the auditory art spheres.

Oh, man...

These guys amuse me, even when they don't have a huge tech crew and lots of money. Jon must have either taken singing lessons or gotten serious back pain from singing like that... And, wow, Tim must have stopped dyeing his hair between then and now. And Jon has yet to cut his since then. At least Chad has some follicular sense :-P

December 7th

Today, dear friends, is Pearl Harbor Day.

Source: viewimages.com

Please remember those who lost their lives in this tragic event, and remember the circumstances, so that history won't repeat itself. Thank the veterans and soldiers you may know for their courage.

(Also, could you pray for my younger brother? He got slammed in the head by a hockey puck, and is on his way to the emergency room.)

Tchaikovsky

Guys--it's officially Christmas :-) OK, fine, it's been "officially Christmas" since the day before Halloween, but I just realized it.

How?

When I popped open a box of Sugar Plum Spice tea after frolicking in the snow for 20 minutes.

To celebrate, I'm posting in red :-D [EDIT-I never realized what red-on-green looks like. Sorry to those whose retinas were offended. It WAS red, now it's pink.]



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Originally uploaded by bowznstuff.