Source: viewimages.comGuys--it's officially Christmas :-) OK, fine, it's been "officially Christmas" since the day before Halloween, but I just realized it.
How?
When I popped open a box of Sugar Plum Spice tea after frolicking in the snow for 20 minutes.
To celebrate, I'm posting in red :-D [EDIT-I never realized what red-on-green looks like. Sorry to those whose retinas were offended. It WAS red, now it's pink.]
n3
Originally uploaded by bowznstuff.
Hm, still not able to sleep. My left hand is numb; I can't feel the keys as I type. Weird.
Good news! I suppose...well, probably not. It turns out I am becoming a MuteMath groupie. Bummer. But I just bought their EP (Reset) off of half.com, where it had been previously priced at $35 ish. No, silly, I didn't get it for that much. Because I waited for 3 years (yeah, I knew about the band way back when they released the EP), I saved a whole $0.02!
I can feel my left hand now. Goodnight.
Happy Thanksgiving!
And by that, I do not mean "I hope you can be more gluttonous than you were last year, because you've overeaten on a more regular basis!" I mean something like...Be aware of the goodness that surrounds you! The people that may be here today and gone tomorrow, or the people who aren't here but are missed because of the love that once pervaded shared experiences. Or the daily comforts and blessings, like slippers, breakfast, a car, and salvation by grace alone.
Oh, so much to blog about. Seriously. Don't read my next post. But I wanted to see if anyone was interested in these concerts...
January 11-13, Joshua Bell will be in town again! He's the best musician I've ever heard...
February 21-23, a concert featuring parts of Tchaikovsky's Romeo & Juliet will be playing. The interesting thing about this concert, though, is that a female percussionist will be premiering a new concerto. Fascinating...
Would anyone be interested in coming with me? Let me know if you are. I definitely want to hear Joshua Bell again, and this percussionist seems worth at least $12.50.
Oh my. Where to start? With sleep deprivation from midterm preparation? With the cup of deliciously caffeinated frozen chai from Kiva Han's? From a religious demonstration on campus that was soon swallowed by an anti-demonstration of homosexuals where a friend was passionately reading something in support of gay rights? Or perhaps the 54C bus driver refusing to open the bus doors, causing me to be late?
Nah. It started years ago. I don't even remember when or why I first heard MuteMath, but I knew it had some connections to an old band I liked called Earthsuit. [EDIT: I just heard their song "Peculiar People," and I think that song got me interested in the band. I often sing this song as I walk to the bus stop, or feel particularly weird.] So I watched some videos, bought the album, and fell as deeply in love with them as one can with a band. No, I'm not a groupie. Their music is simply that good. I've heard it said that people who like Mute Math are fans of music, not the band. Interesting. Explains my point, I hope. Though I do think their creativity extends beyond music. Go look them up on YouTube...Darren is hilarious.
Years before Mute Math, however, I liked Eisley. I still don't understand why they're just an opening band...I've liked them for years! Are my musical tastes just that obscure? Anyway. I saw them on tour with Switchfoot, and it wasn't bad. They weren't amazing live, but kinda like playing the CD, just really loud, with bass that will shake your pants. So the sound was good, but not the show. Still, I like them a lot.
On Tuesday a month ago, all the fun stuff mentioned in the first paragraph was accomplished and/or observed. That whole religion vs. gay rights thing had me thinking pretty hard, and I may actually blog those thoughts when I have time (like...when? Yeah). Yay for a newfound friend, Steve. He's a lot of fun, and during this trip I got a good quote out of him, though I forget the details. Something to the effect of "I just don't get awkward." I shall have to keep that in mind.
After I found a bus driver who would open the door for me, I got to Steve's neighborhood. We jumped in hiss black Taurus and found John Behrens and took off for Cleveland. John zonked out in the back seat, so Steve and I talked about music and road trips (he took 4 friends, 3.5 weeks, and a few thousand dollars to tour the US. So cool!). Dinner was some sandwich from Au Bon Pain that had really spicy guacamole. But I got a jar of actual tea, which was cool. No preservatives, no high fructose corn syrup, nothing but not-from-concentrate tea. Cleveland was crowded because the Indians were there for a playoff game. Parking was expensive and hard to find, but we found a sweet meter which was a block away from John Q's Grille. Never been there, but the name was cool!
Then, back to the creepy, oppressive House of Blues. They've got this thing going on..."Unity in Diversity," or something, and have icons from major world religions all over the place. Ugh. But the first thing I noticed were my friends. Some of the Akron kids came up for the show, and I had a sweet reunion with Jess. That girl is a breath of joyful, beautiful air, and I wish I had more time to spend with her. I got to meet some of Steve's friends, too (he grew up near Cleveland). So we mulled around, chatting a bit, forcing our way forward as much as possible, and waiting for Eisley.
Eisley was good. This time around the vocals (which I've always loved) were much more stylized, and I think Stacy and Sherri have gotten much better with time. Garron (the bassist) had a disgusted look on his face...I felt bad for him. They also played songs from their new CD, which was cool. Their new sound is a lot more aggressive. Nice. They finally played Trolley Wood :-D At points during their set, I'd realize what they're playing, light up, glance at John, and we'd both exclaim "I LOVE this song!" or some variation thereof. Dave T also got hooked. He kept muttering about poetry inspirations and stuff.
Eisley left, and we waited. Craig reminded me of the Switchfoot concert, when I got tired and sore, so I just sat down on the floor between sets. Well this time I talked to Dave, tried to convince Steve that we should swing dance to the background music, rubbed John's shoulders, and tickled Jess. We pressed forward as much as possible to get close to the stage...I'd guess I was about 5 feet from it? REALLY close. Close enough to tell that Paul Meany was sweating before he started playing. Fortunately, we were also on the drummer's side of the stage.
"I approach my instrument as a frustrated athlete."~Darren King (source)Ohhh, MuteMath. You rock. In so many ways. So, check this out--Darren, the drummer, TAPES HIS HEADPHONES TO HIS HEAD. That's certainly a sign that one should prepare for an adventure. He also had a sparse drum kit, but boy he used it maximally. He is amazing. Love in the form of a drummer, as Steve said. Heh. Any time I saw Steve he was gaping at Darren, as if he could become a better drummer just by watching Darren's genius firsthand. I certainly enjoyed the drumming. His vibes are close to my soul's rhythm, if that makes sense. His beats are creative and unpredictable and tight. At one point in the show, he pulled his drumset apart, heaped the kick drum and other random parts on the Rhodes piano and jammed there for a bit. Meanwhile Greg was playing his board full of effects pedals, Roy was playing a cymbal with his hands and a stick, and Paul was beating the life out of a freestanding bass drum.
"I want to make it hard for people to be hopeless." ~Paul Meany, in SoulshineThe lead singer/keyboardist, Paul, is childishly energetic. Not in an immature way, he just came up with crazy stuff to do and had weirdly cool dance moves and loved interacting with the crowd. He drifted between a synth, a Fender Rhodes piano, a keytar, and an instrument they made out of an Atari game console. Unfortunately the keytar broke about halfway through the concert, but I didn't miss it all that much. Paul likes to jump around, and at one point was pounding his keyboard, decided his feet would do better than his hands, and jumped on it. Bad idea--he was unbalanced and hit the stage pretty hard, knocking his mic stand over in the process (it almost hit me!). But he bounded up and kept going. A note about the Rhodes piano (get it?)--they sawed the lid in half so that just the keys were exposed, thereby protecting the rest of the instrument. Wow. Oh, yeah, he'd hit a chord then do handstands on the thing, too. I laughed out loud.
Long story + no time = very short post. These pictures are for Breka, my dear old Evil Editor, who has hacked her way through the Anti-Entering Authority to reach me.
Of course, anyone is welcome to enjoy them...
My amazing closet outfitted all three of us girls (and I was wondering what I had for a RenFest!), except for the brown velvet shirt. Fuzzy, if you wanna tell the story about those pants...go right ahead. You don't still have them, do you? :-P
Here I am, in greater detail (though I really should crop this picture). I loved this costume...it felt so comfortable and not too hot and (I thought) it looked fabulous. (Ignore the weird look on my face or the buttons that would never have adorned a lady from the Renaissance. Please?) It consisted of a humongous black skirt (from the thrift store--it was handmade, and I think it must have been for a theater production. The waist is high and small, and it's really long--even for me), a blue dress (which I made in high school), a black velvet vest (I called it a bodice...my Mom wore it in college), and black leather boots from my grandmother.
Ha! I'm sitting in the computer lab at school, waiting for inspiration to finish my paper. But I thought I'd be the "first" to blog about YC07, since that was probably the biggest event this summer. [Edit: This post actually took me 6 weeks to write.]
I love camp!
This is the best picture of YC07, or of Monster Volleyball--EVER. Kudos to Mike for taking it.
Games were amazing.
"Check out our whiteness!"Many people think that they will become good just by doing no harm--but that's a lie...that way lies stagnation, mediocrity.
Just slap anything on when you see a blank canvas staring at you like some imbecile. You don't know how paralyzing that is, that stare of a blank canvas, which says to the painter: you can't do a thing. The canvas has an idiotic stare and mesmerizes some painters so much that they turn into idiots themselves. Many painters are afraid in front of the blank canvas, but the blank canvas is afraid of the real, passionate painter who dares and who has broken the spell of "you can't" once and for all.
~Vincent van Gogh, in a letter to his brother "Theo" in October 1884
Wow. I've been kicking around the idea of selling art online, but didn't know where. So I've also been kicking around the idea of starting an online business. Since then I've learned a lot about online businesses, but I don't know if my idea will work all that well...because I found my idea. It's called Etsy.com, and I love it. I may be putting my own stuff up there, but I found a cool bowl, the London skyline, an abstract painting, a sweet ring, ooh, and here's another, a leather journal, and--OH! Check out the sweet design on this search page! Cool place to get ideas and spend dough :-P I think I may try to get Laedelas' name there...
In other news, I just saw a sweet design for a dress. It was a satin...wrap, almost, with a tulle skirt underneath. The satin was a closely tailored, asymmetrical tunic, and the tulle was full and had sparkly stuff embroidered in it. Sweet!
I said this today to one of my fencers as we compared "idiot" and "crazy." What we think is normal cannot actually exist-it's just a statistical number, as the other Coach (Chris) pointed out. Hm.
Boundless had something to say on this, too. It's a long article, but please go read it. There are quite a few gems in it. It made me wonder about Britney Spears' situation. I know, I know...her sad story is old news, is told too often, you're sick of seeing, reading, and hearing about her...but her situation has been bothering me. She was the idol of so many young girls just a few years ago! I know this all too well--I babysat one such girl. And Britney has become the scapegoat of those who share her thirst for a perfect image. Because she couldn't keep up the act, her act has changed to mocking herself (or so it would seem).
[Disclaimer: I do not approve of Britney Spears' works. I have heard her music, but not willfully. It's "good" music, but the lyrics are corrupted. Please do not go listen to her music or watch her videos because of this.]
How could society let this happen? Not that Britney's massive fan base had a responsibility to ensure her well-being, but why have we become so obsessive over pretensions? It's shocking to realize that our culture would pressure someone so much. Sure, she was a sinful being before achieving fame, but she couldn't keep the perfect image "together," and lost a lot because of it.
A lot of people are disgusted by her fall. I am saddened. She was a smart young woman who knew what she wanted and how to get it. She is an example of what could happen to someone who achieves her ultimate goal.
What are the ultimate goals of people around me? How can I persuade them of the futility of any goal but that which glorifies God?
What is my ultimate goal?
This is my (re)new(ed) slogan. I think it's an old cheer, or something.
Heh, Mr. Pierson was just talking about our church's mission statement staying a mission statement, and not just becoming a slogan.
Oh well, I have a slogan. I've never had an "official" slogan before, but I loved this phrase years ago. Apparently, I lost my ability to stay focused some time near when I forgot the slogan. Ergo, it is renewed.
So, tonight Josh Harris taught me a bit about biblical masculinity & femininity, which is unfortunately a favorite sore spot of mine. Guys have to work at being biblically masculine! For years I've been resisting the traditional view of women, because it is supressive and certainly not complementarian (to clarify--personal views may not reflect this, but historically women have been denied many opportunities for growth and been put down by the men who claim to love them best). However, there are men out there who are also fighting this traditional view, even at the cost of their own comfort and status. I don't know why I didn't realize this before. No, actually--I do know. I was too proud of my "victim" status, of having to resist guys' attempts to control me and how I express my femininity. Viewing myself as a student, not a victim, would seem to encourage learning and friendship more, rather than getting upset when people try to change my mind and press me into a traditional female mold.
Thank you, Lord, for your grace in this area! I've been praying for relief, and though you are graciously allowing me to work through things logically, you also sustain me under temptation.
Amazing.
What an awesome God we serve.
(No, I'm not done blogging about New Attitude...or NYC...or Youth Camp...)
John Piper (I apologize for these notes. They're despicable. I can't remember the sermon at all, so apparently I was barely awake.)
Discerning what pleases God most--Himself!
Family Group
Meditating on John 15:1-17
Instructions:
CJ Mahaney
-the infamous “Idol Factory” message
Al Mohler
Mark Dever
Family Group
Meditating on Psalm 103
Instructions:
During this sermon, I was extremely convicted of stupidity. You'll see why.
When God convicts me of ignoring him and his word, and I refuse to act on that, I CAN’T SEE! I am spiritually blind--not discerning (i.e. stupid), rebelling, and rejecting the gifts God has given me.OW
BUT remember God’s mercy! (vs 1--of what, I don’t know, I’ll find out when the messages are online)
Here’s a verse I’d never heard before: James 3:17
It’s written on a page by itself in my notes, and I’m not sure why it was referenced, but it’s a good verse. (DUH)
NEW ATTITUDE!
This year’s Na was interesting. So interesting in so many ways. I think John Piper just burns energy from the Holy Spirit now...he is still human, but so very...very...empty of self and full of God. Yes, I realize he still sins. But he’s proof that humans can get SO shockingly close to God and so alarmingly empty of self. AH! (Speaking of which...)
Anyway.
Josh Harris promised that all of the messages would be free as mp3's on newattitude.org. I'm planning on linking to the individual messages as I can, and I hope to be editing the sermon notes I post here as I listen repeatedly to these messages. I'm also posting the messages in chronological order, and during the day/time they were written. Enjoy...
I am restless, and am ignoring the packing that needs to be done. There's a lot I haven't said on this blog lately, though there's a huge draft waiting to be posted. Ahh. Writing, how I miss thee. Here are sundry things I'd like to mention before I head off to a huge conference.
One of my jobs (caretaking) has become a blessing. Through it, I've learned of my own incredible selfishness and how easy it is to get my blood boiling. Great! New ways to see God's work in my life! The job has gone from painful to refreshing. Thanks, God.
I quit the sub shop. For multiple reasons. I think I could be classified as a workaholic...
Rte. 19 was repaved recently, or at least the part between the malls was. I was the first to drive on the new concrete. It was like driving on silk. So cool, yet so expensive...
Apparently, folks, elves can and will become emo. This weekend has been a defined trough in my emotional state. Despite many things. I have the suspicion this is because of vitamin deficiency, but we'll find out. Regardless, it doesn't justify the angry behavior I've had for a few days. Tonight, after finishing my taxes (ironically), I began to think about the spiritual aspect of being depressed. I've started to realize I get depressed when I'm very inactive (like what happened in January of this year), which is usually the result of sickness or injury. But I think I've also been depressed because I have devoted 0% of my time to God.
Duh, Laedelas. "Cut" by Plumb started to play on iTunes tonight, and I was astonished. First of all, because I didn't know this song was on my playlist. Second, because (except for the physical violence) the song described a lot of my emotions. The second verse "hit the spot," so to speak. I began to think about the implications of my depression, because I was relishing it. The phrase "crippled anger" humbled me. I am God's, am I not? Why should I be drowning myself in my sin?
Then I got emo. Because of the pirate party (post is upcoming), I had bought two pencils of black eyeliner at the $1 store. I hadn't used it at the party, but it came in handy tonight. I used them on paper, though, not skin. I hashed through my emotions in art, which I haven't done in a long time. The creative forces hammered at my mind in ways they haven't for years. I ended up with 6 pictures, and I cheated 'cos I used a stick of bright red pastel.
I must say, eyeliner pencils are great for drawing, they just need to be sharpened constantly.
I went through one and a half pencils. Maybe some day I'll scan the pictures and describe their meaning.
#1: Condemnation
This describes how I feel when I'm depressed. There's a bottomless pit of black, heavy air, and I'm chained to prevent resistance. The descent is painful and inevitable. Thus the wild black scribblings. If this picture had an accompanying music clip, it would be screaming.
#2: Resignation.
I drew this, describing how I wallowed in my depression and gave myself to my sin. After I finished, I realized what I was doing, and drew a thick line through it with the word "no!" at the end of the line. I didn't want to rest here in any sense.
#3: Redemption.
This one shows a red hand, reaching toward my hands, and the chains pulling apart. The shading didn't exactly turn out, but it looks explosive. That's the point.
#4: Redemption part I:
The title should have been "Justification," but I think I was so happy about the redemptive picture that I forgot. The girl is dressed in white, with arms stretched out, twirling in the black air. Her heart is red, showing vivacity. This picture shows two ideas: Freedom and life.
#5: Redemption part II:
A white hand holds the broken chains and is surrounded by a haze of red. The red haze and the blurriness of "Redemption" is meant to show pain. This hand, the hand of God, took my chains and owned them. This is why it's justification...I am now free, dressed in white, with a new life, and God has paid for the change with his own life and comfort. His pain is my gain.
#6: Sanctification.
The girl, dressed in white, still has a red heart. She is still standing in the black air, but sees a solid, real way out of it. This is represented by the straight line. It's hazy on one side, still, because the way is narrow, like the edge of a knife. She must walk this line, which Christ laid down, to become more like him and lose the darkness.
On March 22, I blogged about my future. Boundless has, once again, given me more fuel to feed my passion for an unexeptional career. In Dreaming The Right Dreams, Drew Dyck talks about career dreams.
As a student, I found it to be very encouraging. People often tell me to do what I love to do, but I think I'd love to be a mother, and I'm not going to do that yet. I love my physical therapy aide job, but I shouldn't do that forever. I'd love more education in that field, but I can't jump through the academic hoops. It's somewhat frustrating to know that I could do physical therapy, I just can't do the schooling. I mean, technically I could, but only if I quit coaching, quit spending so much time with church activities, quit my job(s), and had absolutely no social life. I'm not willing to do that for a Doctorate of Physical Therapy.
If you don't already have a "career," I'd encourage you to read the whole article. But this was my favorite paragraph:"The difficulty about examining unrealistic dreams is that it flies in the face of our dream-obsessed culture. From a thousand different directions we're encouraged to pursue our dreams against all odds and at any cost. That kind of thinking might be OK if our dreams were realistic — or at least accompanied by second and third options. But often they are not."
Realizing that I couldn't do everything I wanted to do really hurt. Last Spring, when I realized I wouldn't be doing PT school immediately after graduation, I had an incredibly difficult time sacrificing that dream to God's greater plan. Now, I am thanking God that he had another academic plan (Linguistics) laid out for me before I knew I needed it.
Switchfoot just released their new music video. Unfortunately, I haven't been able to digest their new album, but of all the snippets I've heard, this song seems to be one of the best. And they involved my two favorite video games! I laughed at how funny the video was when the music is somewhat serious (I think). All of the animation of the video game was frame-by-frame. Sweet! Also, that outfit the chick was wearing was so cool, though you'll probably never see it on me :-P Enjoy...
Song of Solomon.
What comes to mind? The picture of a perfect union? A book in the Bible that was incredibly embarrassing when first you stumbled upon it in your adolescence?
"Do not stir up or awaken love until it pleases."
This phrase is mentioned three times in this book about love as God designed it (here, here, and here). Each time, the phrase is adjured to "daughters." I think that message is pretty clear and direct, don't you?
Since today is the day that my church chooses to celebrate the resurrection of Jesus Christ, I've been thinking about the love that drove Jesus to the cross, then empowered him to regain life. That's some intense love. I've experienced his love in many practical ways today. Grace to wake up early and serve my church joyfully. Nourishment that was pleasing to my eyes and palate. Family members who provoke my growth. Friends who enjoy my presence. However, on the way home from (yet) another time with friends, I saw a picture of the "love" that the world portrays as best. I failed miserably at controlling the radio in the car, so through music I realized the depravity of even well-intentioned men, and the disgusting perversity of those who relish their sinful ways.
Lately, I've been realizing how widespread sexual sin is among people who aren't in the least ready for marriage, specifically those who are still in school. Why have we divorced the idea that intimacy goes hand-in-hand with commitment, and that intense preparation precedes them both? Why is it so easy to desire relationships that I know I cannot commit to, or that I'm not ready for?
Well, duh. Satan knows our weak spots, and so constructs a culture for young adults that's swimming in debauchery, with a twisted view of what God created to be perfect. I've tried to avoid this in what pictures I willingly see, but I think I've allowed myself to listen to music that compromises the integrity of my thought. The music itself may present God's plan for love in a negative or positive light, but regardless, I shouldn't be listening to it. I am not in a relationship that would allow me to enjoy such music without tempting me to sin. So, I've come up with a few categories by which I will be judging the music I hear.
Well! Last weekend I went to Harrisburg with my brother and two great friends. This was one of the best road trips I've had in a while. There were a few disappointments which were due to physical injuries, but I got over that. On Thursday I fenced epee with my baby epeeists and got hammered pretty well, and ended up with multiple bruises and two cuts. My pants somehow survived, but someone lunged against me with such force that it broke skin and my whole quadricep was swollen. On Friday my friends asked if I was running the 10K race that weekend, and I said no and referenced the holes in my leg. "Holes in your leg? Ha!" They made a lot of jokes about holes after that. They still are.
Kayte, Mike, John, and I were destined for Kayte's familial abode (of Debra Bell fame). At the beginning of the trip, John got a call from a number he didn't recognize. Someone offered him a job. How sweet! Nice touch on the weekend, God! On the way there we laughed for most of the trip. John invented a song for Kristen's (Kayte's sister) birthday. It was nice having a real guitar plucking around instead of a stereo. It was much easier to listen to people's voices. John also brought his "torpedo pen" that folded out. He occasionally snapped it at my ear, alternately scaring, surprising, and annoying me. Kayte started to keep a score between John and I to decide who could annoy the other most.
The first night we were there, the boys went for a jog. Kayte and I threw a blanket on the ground outside to lay on and watched the sky and talked. We went to bed and talked while the guys talked in the family room. The next morning Mr. Bell made breakfast for Kayte and me before we headed to a meeting on the gift of prohecy.
I am pretty sure I don't have the Spiritual gift of prophecy. Once every few years I'll think of a verse that may bless the congregation I'm with, but it's not consistent enough for me to consider it a "gift." However, at the prophecy meeting, I had Isaiah 40:28-31 for a woman who was receiving a prophetic word. I knew she had a disease, but found that it was osteoporosis and knew God wanted to reach her through that. I asked Mr. Prater if he thought the verses were appropriate, but couldn't read them from my tiny pocket-sized Bible. I read them to him. My voice was shaking, so I'm not sure if people got what I was saying, but God can do cool things with such failures on my part, so I'm happy!
At the prophecy meeting I was praying for a friend named Erin when Frank walked up to me. Frank was on the prophecy team that was visiting from Philly. He said he didn't have a word for me, but wanted to pray for me anyway. I'm so glad he did. In his prayer, he mentioned a lot of things but I remember mostly that he prayed that I would be a blessing to my father, since we share such a special relationship. I loved that, and hope I will take his words into consideration when I'm dealing with my father.
They prayed corporately for people who felt weary in their service to God. Yeah, that's me. I know the Holy Spirit has gifted me with a servant's heart, but sometimes it is really hard to use that gift. Saturday evenings get bittersweet when I remember I need to wake up at 6:45, but it's 2 AM and we're still having a lot of fun. Regardless of when I actually go to sleep, it is hard to discipline myself to wake early enough to get sufficiently ready for a church service when I'm the only church member I know who gets up at that time on a Sunday morning. The actual service, i.e. spending time setting up the sound system or BS stuff isn't bad, even if it's only my Dad and I. So I was prayed for in that area as well. John later encouraged me to foster a more grateful attitude toward serving, with a lack of pride and cynicism. I'll be praying that God gives me grace for waking up early, and that I will serve in secret joyfully. I need to be grateful for my alarm clock, and view my Sunday AM routine as service to the church. I also need to trust that God will provide for sufficient sleep and healthy sleep patterns during the rest of the week.
My brother also was prophesied over, though I didn't get to hear most of it. It seemed he was encouraged, though, so I am glad he was able to come. I did a lot of silent prayer from my seat. As I was praying, I was considering what actually was happening. Mostly encouragement and prayer. Why don't I do that more often with friends? I can see growth in their life that they may not see--can't I purposefully pray and encourage them to their faces, instead of only praying in private? That was cool. It was also cool to see total strangers describing situations in other peoples' lives, based solely on a word from God. It's another way to show that he really does know us intimately, and cares for us.
After lunch we went for a hike with Kayte's father, sister, John, and Erin. Mike went for an interview. The hike was very fun. I love trailblazing, and we frequently lost the trail and did whatever we felt like doing. I got a lot of scratches from thornbushes and John got a tick, but I think that was the worst experience. John got a lot of ManPoints on that hike. Mr. Bell was generally in the lead, so whenever we reached a particularly wide stream or got tangled in thorns, John was there to offer a hand or bushwhack us out. We talked a lot, too, despite the occasionally loud, crunchy leaves. Kayte's full of good questions and interesting experiences!
Dinner was Lebanese (not LEE-ban-ease, but LEB-an-ease, apparently) food. Good stuff. We debated over watching a movie or playing ping-pong, and ended up playing ping-pong. Kayte tried really hard to beat John, and John kinda tried to shut her out. Neither happened, but it was fun to watch! Later, John got that Songwriting Look on his face (he was also playing the guitar, which was another sign). Kayte and I headed upstairs soon after that.
Sunday morning was weird, because I didn't wake up while it was dark :-P Church was great. I'm glad I didn't think to focus too much on the sound system, otherwise I probably would have been distracted from the songs. Mr. Prater preached on I Thessalonians 2:1-8. More evangelism! Great! I love that stuff. I took quite a few notes. From conversation afterward, I gathered that the phrase "Don't invent, look to include" had a big impact on how people viewed evangelism. I thought of quite a few people whom I could evangelize more, and some people who I don't know if I could evangelize. I'm still trying to figure out what to do with those relationships.
Right after church we took off for the 10K race. We got hit in the parking lot of Giant, though we were sitting still and had been for quite some time. That was interesting. I didn't run, but I cheered and took pictures. One of Kayte's friends, Lauren, was there to cheer as well, and I discovered that she fenced epee. That was cool! We talked about that for quite a while. Being at the finish line was the best part. John was first, Mike was after Gabe, and Destiny beat Kayte. The lady pushing a stroller beat everyone but John, which was funny and inspiring at the same time. Kayte and Gabe finished really strong. People seemed pretty elated after the race. As we were leaving, though, Destiny's mom busted a tire. Lots of odd car incidents, er, accidents, there.
The runners all took showers when we got home. I played about an hour of frisbee with some kids who are part of Gabe's Bible study. While they were in the basement, I ate pizza for dinner and chatted with the Bell family, Lauren, and Cameron (Kristen's famous boyfriend). We celebrated Kristen's birthday with a few cakes and presents. John sang the song he wrote for her. Nice wink during the song, John! Mike gave her a box full of packing peanuts and a Chik-fil-A cow, complete with a parachute. Cameron seemed to enjoy that more than Kristen. I wonder why :-P
On Sunday night I was in the mood for massage. So I rubbed Kayte and Mike down, then got hand massages from John. I enjoy doing that so much. I think I irritated Mike's upper Trap muscles, but he didn't complain. I found this sweet muscle that goes from behind the ear to under the clavicle on Kayte, but I have no idea what it's called. I should find out.
Monday morning was pretty relaxed. Kayte and I discussed plans for fabric shopping. John was expecting a call from his potential employers on Monday morning, so when we discovered the soot on the bottom of the chandelier, he promptly used it to draw dark lines under his eyes to prep for the big talk. Some time after that we went to the fabric store. It was pretty funny watching the guys run around, picking out hypothetical Youth Camp team colors and laughing at weird prints. Mike asked if he looked good with bright blue velvet (I think he'd look better in black or brown, personally). Kayte and I took a while to make our selections, then asked for the guys' opinions. They shot down our selections, which turned out to be a good idea because one of the fabrics we chose was $9/yard. Ow.
We got home, ate lunch, and chatted with Mrs. Bell. She's one of those unusual people who share my interest in linguistics. She dissed my writing, though I don't think she's ever read it. After hearing that I like to write everything in one sitting, she said, "Well some day I hope you LEARN HOW to write!" I guess there are a lot of ways to write a paper. Mike was playing with a lighter during our convo, and at one point she turned to him and said, "Mike!" He immediately put down the lighter with a goofy, guilty look on his face. He'd guessed what she wanted...that was funny.
On the way home I discovered some rubber bands in the car. I promptly decided to get back at John for his pen trick, and shot him in the chin. Bands flew back and forth, and John successfully blocked one of my shots with a piece of paper. I think Kayte gave me a few points for the rubber band thing, but John was still ahead.
On the way home we talked about our parents, our futures, and the church. Good topics. We all decided that some day it would be sweet to be part of a church plant somewhere. We took turns talking about what we appreciate in our parents, and what we might do differently than them. The guys talked about their careers, since both had gotten job offers over the weekend. Kayte talked about Philly. I would really like to go visit her when she moves there. Oh, and John got another significant phone call. He got subpoenaed! I'm somewhat jealous...
We played Imogen Heap's music in the car, which I love. John definitely won our contest to annoy each other. There are a lot of tunnels on the turnpike, and we'd been trying to hold our breaths through each of them. I'd been sitting in the front seat, somewhat sideways, with my knees on the armrest. While we were in a tunnel, John (who was sitting behind me) started petting my knee with his foot. AHH! Who could hold their breath after something like that? Kayte gave him way too many points for that...but it was pretty good. Kayte got my brother, too. He took a huge gasp as we entered a tunnel, and after about 30 seconds she reached over and slapped him in the stomach. Not only did Mike let go, but after trying not to laugh at his reaction, I couldn't hold it either. Double-whammy for Kayte.
Appropriately, we ended our trek at Chik-fil-A. While we were leaving, I tried to surprise my brother by jumping on his shoulders. This never works. I don't know why I do it. But this time I ended up with a moderately sprained ankle. Ow. That's the worst pain I'd felt in months! I actually got woozy. When we got home, I found that my epee with a Zivkovic grip had arrived! Sweet! So, while everyone else unpacked Kayte's car, I ripped into the box and started playing with my new weapon. John left to head right back East for a vacation with his family, Kayte went "home," and Mike and I crashed.
End of trip. Good trip. Good times. Good friends. Thank God for them! At times like these, I'm astonished at how God uses my circumstances to bless me and show his love. I wonder how this trip will change my friends and me, for I feel that it has. We did a lot of trivial things, but our relationships were strengthened and I don't think God just wanted us to have a fun weekend together. The future, once again, proves to be fascinating.
In the next few months, I'll be all over the top right quadrant of my country. (Not Ireland, silly, the real one). Here's the report on the first weekend! (I'm really cheating on the time this was posted, but wanted them to be posted chronologically. Ergo, I cheat. Pardon.)
I had a hard time finding a substitute for my Saturday job this weekend, but God provided. I was working like a bee before we left, and was able to sleep a lot on the way there. I saw my Colorado relatives for the first time in four years. That was cool. They were there because my Uncle Ernie (who owns his own Physical Therapy clinic) does these Primal Reflex Release Technique (PRRT) seminars all over the country.
I was supposed to wake up at 5:30 AM on Saturday to help at Uncle Ernies' seminar, but considering that I couldn't sleep until 2:30 AM, I chose to stay at Uncle Dank's. My little cousins and I decided to walk to the local $1 store, where we made the manager nervous. He greeted us with a Mexican accent, loudly asking, "now yous kids don't mess anyt'ing up, 'kay?" We got laser pointers, gum, and chocolate. Not bad :-)
After lunch we made bits of a music video that never fully materialized. In this video, you can see my brother Matt, my cousins Jordy, John, and Emily. Jordy does his sweet rendition of the dance move called "the Worm."
Dinner was...I forget. But we watched some March Madness basketball on Uncle Dank's 64" HDTV. Honestly, I prefer our projector, but the stereo he had hooked to the TV was SWEET! He even had outside speakers. Nice touch.
On Sunday, I successfully woke in time to attend Uncle Ernie's seminar. He gave me an anatomy book to browse through during class, which was good since most of his presentations went right over my head. So I played around with my face, finding bony structures and muscles, until I was needed. Uncle Ernie had 13 students, so I became a guinea pig for them to try their new techniques. It was fascinating, though I really had no idea what was going on. The basic idea of PRRT (I think) is to counter stress. When people are stressed, they go into the "fight or flight" mentality, which "upregulates" their system and, over time, will cause musculoskeletal pain. Therapists use PRRT to "downregulate" their patients, and eliminate pain that can be tied to stress. I think there are other uses, but this was just a beginner course and I didn't even have the credentials to take the course. But I enjoyed it.
We hung around my Grandma's house that afternoon. I ate a lot of Hershey's kisses while I talked with my aunts and mom. Aunt Karen tried to find out why I'm an insomniac, but couldn't find a cure. Still, it was fun to talk about me :-P
The "grown ups" stayed at Grandma's while my siblings watched the younger cousins at Uncle Dank's. We got the subs pounding and recorded some more sweet dance moves. We jumped on the trampoline for a bit, but soon switched to "Ghosts in the graveyard." That game is really fun, but it's really loud, so I'm glad it ended shortly after dark.
I discovered Guitar Hero that night. I thought Dance Dance Revolution was a cool video game, but this beat it. It's the sweetest video game I've ever played (which isn't saying much). You've got this cheesy little guitar, right, with buttons instead of a fret board and a switch instead of a pickup, and a whammy bar. You pick a song to play, and the screen shows a fretboard and tells you which fret buttons to push and when to "strum" the switch. During the long notes, you can use the whammy bar if you choose. Every once in a while, something called "star power" is available, and you can "rock out" by shaking and tilting the guitar. My cousins call this "feeling the music" and it adds points to your score. By the time I left my uncle's house, I had progressed from playing single notes to "chords." It was sweet! It made me wonder if kids enjoyed that more than actually playing an instrument, though. Kinda sad thought.
We left on Monday afternoon. Aunt Karen invited me to visit them in Colorado, which I'd love to do this summer. Aunt Liz later e-mailed me, saying I'd left some shampoo etc. at her house. Oops! I'm expecting to get it back in the mail any day. Sorry, Aunt Liz!
I have a cool family.
...instead, I got inspired. I've heard that creative people get inspired while laying down (totally true--if I ever get to be a professional artist, my studio will have a bed or long couch in it), and I'm beginning to think that they often get inspired when something else is pressing for their time. Something that would be more logical to complete before recording one's inspiration...but the inspiration always seems so evanescent the moment it comes. So here I am, laying around and ignoring logic.
Anyway.
My mother and I watched the movie Amazing Grace tonight. I like it. A lot. It showcases two of my personal heroes: John Newton and William Wilberforce. Somehow, I'd never known they were connected. Ian Gruffoldd did a great job showing passion, but also desperation. The scene between him and his wife as he was withdrawing from laudanum addiction is my personal favorite. Mom said it was better the second time through, and I can see why. Characters switch ages and locations quite frequently, and with little warning. I'm planning on getting the DVD eventually, so if any of you want to borrow it, let me know!
When the movie was over, my heart was ignited yet again with a desire to do great things. Ever since I was a child, I've felt destined for something big, whether that be surviving a nasty medical condition or changing society. As a teenager, God taught me to be content in ordinary circumstances, though I haven't stopped dreaming of big things or scaring myself with stories of how I could get sick. Lately, I think I've become comfortable, not just content, with ordinary things. That strikes me as sad. Maybe it's another sign that I'm growing older, but I don't like it.
I rarely read Boundless, but tonight I found an article called Optional Anxiety. My first reaction to it was, "Umm...guys, I can't settle for ordinary." Not that I'm trying to get rich as fast as possible, or be famous or anything, but I can't accept a humdrum future. I'd rather be living on pennies in a third-world country than go where I see many of my peers going. Inspiration came a few minutes later. Maybe the way I can be different is through living for others, such as my family. Like buying diapers instead of Jimmy Choo sandals. Like Susanna Wesley or George Müller.
Sweet! Now I'll have even more "ammunition" for those conversations with people who mean well...
"So, Laedelas, what do you plan on doing after graduation?"
"I'd really like to get married and have children."
"Oh, that's cute!" (said with a condescending smile) "How many do you want to have?"
"My childhood dream was to have twelve, but I'm not going to limit God."
"Whooooa, twelve! You'll definitely want to stop after your first! And besides, children are so expensive these days."
"Well, as I said, I'm not limiting God, so I'll take as many or as few blessings as he chooses to give. And I'm sure God will provide for his children."
...at this point, whoever I'm talking with will probably change the subject. They have in the past when the topic of large families surfaces. :-P
So, Future Self, when you're up late at night and reading blog archives while caring for a sick child or sleepless after a rough day, be encouraged. What you're doing is big and dramatic. Pray that God uses your sacrifices to serve himself.
Today, while I was washing clothes, I realized something that I'd consider important enough for a blog post. And then I read a friend's blog, and my realization became even more poignant. Not that it's a big deal...but it was cool.
I don't mind washing clothes. However, as I was washing my pink cashmere sweater in the sink today, I thought, "Self, you've just spent 2 hours dealing with clothes. If we hadn't sinned, that would be 2 free hours to do something else with. Also, you probably wouldn't have bought those clothes last year that now fill your closet."
"Wow, Self!" I responded. "All that money could have been spent elsewhere!"
Just out of curiosity, I looked up how much Americans had spent on the clothing industry last year. Rather, I tried. I couldn't find any numbers (anyone out there want to try?), but the clothing industry seems to run into the hundreds of billions of dollars.
I thought, "if we all stopped spending money on clothes, poverty would diminish incredibly."
But we won't. We can't. Thanks to the "original sin" of Adam and Eve, we are born with a knowledge of the value of good and evil. Humans cannot stand creation as God designed it (I'm referring here specifically to our bodies), but must change themselves or hide what they cannot change. Why do we try to change? I have no idea why Adam and Eve sewed fig leaves together to cover themselves, but I'm guessing it had something to do with modesty. They may have been trying to prevent one another from sinning yet more.
My thoughts on clothes have changed. Yes, they're still important, but not as a means of climbing the social ladder. They're more of a means to prevent social decline. That's humbling.
I am so excited about getting to Heaven and shedding this sin stuff so I can know only goodness and see God.
Blogging is fun. Competing for popularity is (in my case) not. So, why FB? I've already said that it's become a temptation to idolize the glory of men, which it still can be. I hope I've toned my response to it down, however. I still use it.
I use facebook because it's an easy way to make conversations and experiences public. In one webpage, anyone can (basically) combine the services of Flickr, Blogger, and MySpace as well as a social calendar. For some reason, people I know who posess AIM, a blog, and a photo website put more on FB than their other sites. Also, some friends don't answer e-mail often, rarely answer the phone, and aren't on AIM --but oddly will answer when I post on their "wall." So it's another form of communication. As with any form, it's easy to abuse and make the value of words decline, but so goes many things that the hands of sinful mankind has touched.
What do you think, Jason? :-P
My older brother blocked Facebook (FB) from my computer through the wireless network. I was mad, because he's taking a so-called liberty. But I really don't notice that it's gone. In fact, my dear blogging friends, you may have noticed that I was actually reading your blogs today instead of amusing myself by stalking friends on FB. Cool.
In other news, I am saddened by the recent defeat of my University's men's basketball team. But Mute Math is doing their best to console me, and Avenpitch will probably throw their sounds into the mix eventually. Their song "Bittersweet" is amazing. I wish more rock groups would quit singing and start making up real music, rather than accompanying words.
Speaking of music, a coworker lent me a CD of amazing Celtic music by a musician named Seamus Egan. I got one of his CDs through half.com, and am loving it. Brilliance.
For some reason, this post is quite random. So here's something else: I have 2 new favorite authors. Ted Dekker picks good topics and writes well. His trilogy (Black, Red, and White) took up most of my free time in the past few months. Recently, however, Douglas Adams' "Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency" has been in front of my face for a while. I knew Adams was a great writer (I read "The Complete Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy" one summer...832 pages of greatness), but this book reminds me of a wonderful friend's writing. Speaking of which...X10, if you're reading this, did Adams influence your writing of "Searching for Service" at all? Hm. In any case, I now understand jokes about horses in bathrooms and the lines "...beware, beware!/The flashing eyes, the floating hair!"
And this is the end of the Laedelas Greenleaf Variety Show. Thanks, folks, for listening!
Self, remember thy limits. Thou hast made note that thou wilt never "grow old" by curtailing activities simply for sleep, or demanding food and bed at regular times. I have news, Self. Thou art old. Thou feelest old, though thou have yet to curtail activities in favor of sleep or food. However, thou must realize that God designed thyself with limits to show his own unlimitedness. Darling, before thou explodes or shrivels or ends up in a psychiatric institute, please remember thy limits. And by respecting those limits, thou mayhap bring glory to God by showing his unlimitedness. Pretending to have no limits does not make God seem greater, O Little One.
Thank God my schedule will calm a bit next week. I've realized that I can't be a workaholic, as hard as I try. Remember this in the future, Self, when I'm tempted to become something I can't be, such as a SuperMom or a Do-It-All or any other impossible and futile things. God ordained limits. Right now, I am going to respect God's limit on wakefulness. Good night.
News on the job front:
Yesterday I was offered a job at a sub joint, eventually training to become a shift manager. The pay rate isn't as great as what I'm used to, but increases quickly and managerial experience will be good on a resume. I accepted.
Today I was offered 3 weeks of work (as much as I can take) with the physical therapy people. I love this job, and was amazed that the opportunity arose.
Praise God! He understands my needs and discerns them from my wants. The cloud of depression that had been plaguing me seems to have lifted. My father commented today on my cheeriness. I'm glad it's evident. Time for some hardcore praise dancing late some night... :-)
