22 March, 2007

I was supposed to pack tonight...

...instead, I got inspired. I've heard that creative people get inspired while laying down (totally true--if I ever get to be a professional artist, my studio will have a bed or long couch in it), and I'm beginning to think that they often get inspired when something else is pressing for their time. Something that would be more logical to complete before recording one's inspiration...but the inspiration always seems so evanescent the moment it comes. So here I am, laying around and ignoring logic.

Anyway.

My mother and I watched the movie Amazing Grace tonight. I like it. A lot. It showcases two of my personal heroes: John Newton and William Wilberforce. Somehow, I'd never known they were connected. Ian Gruffoldd did a great job showing passion, but also desperation. The scene between him and his wife as he was withdrawing from laudanum addiction is my personal favorite. Mom said it was better the second time through, and I can see why. Characters switch ages and locations quite frequently, and with little warning. I'm planning on getting the DVD eventually, so if any of you want to borrow it, let me know!

When the movie was over, my heart was ignited yet again with a desire to do great things. Ever since I was a child, I've felt destined for something big, whether that be surviving a nasty medical condition or changing society. As a teenager, God taught me to be content in ordinary circumstances, though I haven't stopped dreaming of big things or scaring myself with stories of how I could get sick. Lately, I think I've become comfortable, not just content, with ordinary things. That strikes me as sad. Maybe it's another sign that I'm growing older, but I don't like it.

I rarely read Boundless, but tonight I found an article called Optional Anxiety. My first reaction to it was, "Umm...guys, I can't settle for ordinary." Not that I'm trying to get rich as fast as possible, or be famous or anything, but I can't accept a humdrum future. I'd rather be living on pennies in a third-world country than go where I see many of my peers going. Inspiration came a few minutes later. Maybe the way I can be different is through living for others, such as my family. Like buying diapers instead of Jimmy Choo sandals. Like Susanna Wesley or George Müller.

Sweet! Now I'll have even more "ammunition" for those conversations with people who mean well...
"So, Laedelas, what do you plan on doing after graduation?"
"I'd really like to get married and have children."
"Oh, that's cute!" (said with a condescending smile) "How many do you want to have?"
"My childhood dream was to have twelve, but I'm not going to limit God."
"Whooooa, twelve! You'll definitely want to stop after your first! And besides, children are so expensive these days."
"Well, as I said, I'm not limiting God, so I'll take as many or as few blessings as he chooses to give. And I'm sure God will provide for his children."
...at this point, whoever I'm talking with will probably change the subject. They have in the past when the topic of large families surfaces. :-P

So, Future Self, when you're up late at night and reading blog archives while caring for a sick child or sleepless after a rough day, be encouraged. What you're doing is big and dramatic. Pray that God uses your sacrifices to serve himself.

3 comments:

"the websters" said...

and you were packing to go...where? if you dont mind my asking.

I've never "heard" that but in the movies [I'm thinking An American in Paris as an example]there is always furniture in art studios/areas. I always get my best ideas right before I go to bed. I hate the feeling of getting up in the morning knowing I had a expression of something/project inspiration but not remembering since I didnt take the time to lay aside sleep for a moment so that I could write it down!

oohh I do wanna see that movie even more now. Your comments are added to a whole list of good things I've heard.

twelve's a nice number. it would make life easier--when you go to the bakery you'll never have to deal with those extra cookies in the dozen like you would if you had five or seven kids. you'll have just enough =D

Jason said...

Amazing Grace was good. I keep checking to see how it's doing at the box office, because it's one of those movies Christians should support, considering we like to complain about the junk that is usually produced. It's been ranked between 10th and 12th for four straight weekends--not bad, considering movies usually drop off quickly, and especially considering it's only in about 1/3 as many theaters as the really big releases.

RE big families. I love them. Twelve would dwarf seven, which never felt all that large to me anyway. Motherhood is a high calling, and should be higly respected.

Jon Daley said...

We certainly should avoid the rat race, but I don't think Christ called us to a dull, comfortable life.

I think an English teacher would say that Paul is being way, overly, repetitive and redundant, but I think he is trying to make a point - that those who say we should be comfortable with a plain, rich, suburban, easy, dull life, are... completely (and exceeding abundantly) wrong.

He doesn't say, "be partially filled, but not too much, because then people will think you are crazy, but just enough to make you feel good".

Ephesians 3:16-20

That he would grant you, according to the riches of his glory, to be strengthened with might by his Spirit in the inner man;

That Christ may dwell in your hearts by faith; that ye, being rooted and grounded in love,

May be able to comprehend with all saints what is the breadth, and length, and depth, and height;

And to know the love of Christ, which passeth knowledge, that ye might be filled with all the fulness of God.

Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us[...]

good stuff.