Hope Springs Eternal

Originally uploaded by -gadgetgirl-.

So, I just got back from fencing (duh...where else would I be right before a huge paper is due?). Life is not going smoothly, but my fencing class is :-) Today I had 4 new kids: two 9 year olds, a 45 year old, and a 60 year old. Tell me that's not a difficult class to teach. It wasn't difficult. I had a lot of fun. I'm still exhausted and have a huge list of papers to write, homework to do, sleep to get...wait, who am I trying to kid? April Fool's is tomorrow! Speaking of which, this was a great AF joke.

Good-ish news! Whatever my health problem is, they Docs have ruled out my gallbladder. Fat has reentered my diet. Normally I prefer healthy foods, but to celebrate I got a cheeseburger with everything on it at 5 Guys Burgers & Fries. Talk about grease. The thing was a veritable ball of a sandwich...so much was in that bun...*sigh* (Note: I am not endorsing greasy food or a gluttonous lifestyle.) BUT on Sunday morning Mr. Pierson asked those who wanted healing (physical or spiritual) to come forward for prayer...and since then I have had discomfort but no pain. I'm supposed to get an appointment with a gastrointerologist (hopefully not next year), which may get me closer to some sort of a solution for the problem. But thank God that I'm not in pain!

Fencing Is My Boyfriend (Why I Love Fencing)

Folks, I have a confession to make. I'm in a very serious relationship with an enigma we'll call Fencing. I know we shouldn't have kept our relationship so secret...but it's hard to explain why we're together when people don't understand. Some do, but they're often in similar relationships themselves. Please, allow me to clarify.

Fencing and I started out as something casual. I took to Fencing because it didn't monopolize my weeknights, gave me great coaches and good teammates, and was a good outlet for energy and occasional anger management. We got serious roundabout the time the head coach asked me to be part of his coaching staff. Though we didn't see each other more often, Fencing was on my mind much more than it had been in high school. When Fencing became part of the Recreation department, things got out of control. I now spend about 4 nights per week with fencing--this week it'll be five, and occasionally we'll spend Saturdays together. It's crazy.

Our relationship borders on abusive sometimes. I admit, I've cheated on Fencing before. Usually to go do crazy stuff like driving to see concerts or put on shows, but nothing really serious. Still, Fencing occasionally will beat me up and enjoy it. Tomorrow I'm going to have lots of welts on my right shoulder, and my left calf muscle is going to ache, and it's all Fencing's fault!

So, why don't we just break up? It's not really that simple...see, now that I'm financially dependent on Fencing, breaking up would involve a lot more work. It's just easier to keep things how they are. And honestly, I think our relationship might improve. At least, I've tried harder to not cheat...

Ha! Did I lie well enough to make you think that Fencing was tangible and we were headed toward trouble? Abusive relationships are nothing to joke about, but it struck me as funny when I realized one could see my involvement with fencing as such. Just for the record, I am not in any serious relationship of any kind (see the end of my post). Now, the post I initially wanted to write...

Why I Love Fencing

• Ever had that feeling of pure happiness brought about after a night of fencing well against challenging opponents? When Rita's Ice fills your belly and replenishes your muscles' supply of carbs? When the cool summer air rushes through the car windows and cools your slick, sweaty head?
• Ever had that feeling of triumph when you beat an opponent soundly because you've practiced more and sweated gallons and lunged farther and parried efficiently and hit more accurately?
• Ever had that feeling of gratitude when you realize you've just outrun your old self and it was all because your teammates encouraged you?
• Ever had that feeling of euphoria when you coach a kid you've trained for his whole career in fencing and he's winning?
• Ever had that feeling of power when you tell a kid how to change his game to beat the other guy, and your ideas plus his skill win the bout?
• Ever had that feeling of soreness due to literal wounds inflicted by friends and muscle exhaustion?

There are lots of reasons why I love to fence, and to coach fencing. These are some (minus the last one). Leaving my team will be hard, if God leads me to do so. But I know that, as he has given me the grace to continue in such a pursuit to give him glory, he will give me the grace to leave this pursuit and glorify him in other ways. I'm so glad he's given me this pursuit for now.

Creative Writing, Health, And NYR Update

Tonight was great. The air felt alive with the energy of Anakin as he makes his decision to join the dark side or continue on the road he's already chosen. The setting sun only served to clarify this energy. Darkness snaked long fingers around corners and into tree branches, yet light still glistened on grass blades and windowpanes. It was the kind of evening that, when one wears a jacket, is pleasant. The lukewarm air whispered on one's cheek. It filled the lungs easily, and made one want to sing just so one could breathe another lungful. Dampness crept into collars and under pant legs, snuggling against hot skin and chilling it. Going inside felt like a tragic loss. (What do you think of that? Breka, I'm 'specially interested in your opinion, if you have one...)

Last week, I got my gallbladder ultrasounded. Funny story: Nurse picks up a file for a female patient, aged 22, who is here for an ultrasound. She assumes I'm pregnant, and stares at me trying to figure out why I'm getting an ultrasound when it's obvious the baby's not big enough to really notice on the ultrasound. Heh. Final ultrasound results: Normal. I have no gallstones (and just for the record, I am not pregnant either :-P ). The doc thinks I might have "sludge" (precursor to gallstones) in there, so on Wednesday I get to drink radioactive goo and trace it through my gallbladder just to see what happens. Kinda yucky...but hopefully it will clarify SOMETHING. Also, I'm beginning to wonder if this pain is, in fact, my gallbladder. Tonight I had an estimated total of 28 grams of fat during dinner, which is a LOT considering I've been mostly vegan for the past two weeks. I have pain, but nothing abnormal. However, when I tasted JPB's rum on Sunday night I had almost instant pain that lasted for hours. The doc warned me that alcohol would have the same effect as fat...hmm. PS- being vegan ain't bad. The food is great, though it drastically slims down menu choices at Eat'n'Park. Which is a terrible restaurant anyway.

New Year's Resolution Update: So far, I have bought only one thing that's brand new this year (besides perishables etc.), which was a racquet for my gym class. Kinda necessary. It's freeing, actually, to not buy stuff. I don't feel a need to flip through magazines or go to stores looking for good buys, because I can't buy it anyway. However, I am getting slightly worried about shoes. I'll be needing a pair of dress shoes and dress sandals very soon, and permanently borrowing Mom's would be cheating since she'd just go out and buy herself a brand new pair anyway. And dressy footwear shouldn't really be duct-taped.

Bland

For the next few days, I am supposed to eat a very bland diet, consisting of rice, toast, applesauce, and bananas. Why, you ask? My doc thinks my gallbladder "contracted" because bile can't get out (see story below). She wrote me a bunch of prescriptions for some pretty weird tests. First, have gallbladder ultrasounded. If that test is negative, drink radioactive stuff, force gallbladder to contract-which means I throw up-and see how much bile comes out. If the radioactivity test shows that my gallbladder isn't up to snuff, she wants to take it out. I don't like that drastic idea. I don't like the idea of drinking radioactive stuff and throwing up, either. I like the idea of calling my naturopathic friends and seeing if they have a solution for dissolving gallstones. If you do, please share! You may be responsible for saving my gallbladder!

Weird note: The doc told me that this mostly happens to fair, overweight women in their 40's. I'm not overweight (any more), though I am fair. Am I 40? According to my birth certificate, I'm not. But I keep getting "old-people" diseases. First arthritis...then this... I ran this idea past my Mom, who laughed and said "But you're too beautiful to be old!" She forgets two things:
1) Age does not necessarily mean beauty
2) I look the same as I did when I was 10, except I've got nicer glasses
So maybe I'm one of those people who just ages faster than they're supposed to! Or...not.


Here's my story of gallbladder contraction...
[Gross Alert--Do Not Read If Easily Repulsed. Also, if the story was terrible, please tell me. I hate deluding myself.]

On Monday I came home from fencing class and within 5 minutes was hurling my guts into the toilet. Before class I ate apple sauce with golden raisins and cinnamon in it and promptly got a stomach ache. During class I was getting woozy. My students were probably wondering why I was teaching while sitting on the floor. Ah, well. The stomach ache was very similar to the one I had in Virginia while visiting a dear friend, though I never threw up then. I got over that one with the help of fiber. Dad tried to feed me medicine (I forget what) for this one, but it wouldn't stay down long enough to do anything.

There's one good thing about this episode in my life, though...a funny story! I hope...

The pain in my abdomen would get closer and closer to "impossible to bear"...then fade...over and over again. "Is this what childbirth is like?" I asked Mom while gasping for breath after a surge of pain. She chuckled and said, "probably." If so, I'm glad for 3 things when it comes to labor:
1) Contractions don't last the whole time, they come and go
2) According to my genetic history, labor won't be as long as I was in pain for gallbladder contractions
3) Mothers hopefully get a baby at the end of labor. When my pain subsided, I got threatened with losing an organ.

My doctor, when telling me about my symptoms (ironic, isn't it? SHE told ME about MY symptoms!), said that the pain is often like labor. Heh.

Strangeness

Today I feel like a "normal" student. I stayed on campus after classes were over because I plan to hang out with friends tonight. First weird experience was eating dinner...all by myself...surrounded by strangers who were also eating. I read my textbook on English grammar to keep myself from feeling suicidal. Then I went to the computer lab (where I am now) to download & print various things. I've gotten decently good at managing "fun" time on the internet, so after I was done scrolling through blogs, Flickr, and YouTube, I -gasp!- did some studying. Man, it would be so much easier to study if I lived on campus. I'm sure there are distractions here, but I feel so ridiculously lonely and faceless that I'm studying child psychology just because it gives some sort of purpose to the evening. Which brings me to another realization. Fencing takes up A LOT of my time, and a lot of my identity is in fencing. Which isn't bad, but it's just interesting to realize that, besides church, fencing takes up an awful lot of time.

Miike (Bubs) just called. Bye.

Clowns Won't Eat Me

Guess what! I'm awake! And I've got a knot in my left upper trapezius...

Homework #4 in my Psych class is due tomorrow. I'm supposed to find 5 sentences that I come across in "normal" reading that I don't understand. I can't find that many. I can't find one. I can find ambiguous sentences, grammatically incorrect sentences, and sentences that don't speak truth...but none that I can't understand. *sigh* Sometimes being smart earns bad grades... :-P

In other news, tonight will be the second consecutive night that I'll be reading the Bible before I fall asleep. It's pitiful, I know, but that's why God took pity on me. Last night I read several chapters from Isaiah (one of these years I'll finish that book), and this verse was really cool: Isaiah 45:19. It's been a huge part of my theological thought life in the past 24 hours...this verse is a perfect candidate for a scripture memory song.

Happy birthday to Mrs. Behrens...what a cool day to be born!

The Power of Media

On Monday nights I usually listen to the last 30 minutes of This American Life. Sometimes it's worthwhile. Sometimes it isn't. Last Monday's section was GREAT. It featured Malcolm Gladwell, who was talking at a comedy club about his experiences working for the Washington Post. The MP3 (free and legal) is here, though you've gotta fast-forward to the last part (or you could listen to the whole thing...). Also, ignore the one bad word...

This is going to be a pain for you (if you choose to do it), but I wanted to record the link in case I ever feel like looking up this guy for some obscure reason. Let me know if you heard it, and what you thought about it!

Late? Nahhh...

This was really good. I liked the verse from Proverbs that was quoted. A lot. Also, the author quoted Philippians, which reminded me of this recent sermon, which was also really good.

I complain most (I think) in competitive environments. Sometimes it's a way to apologize to someone for me losing or not having enough skill to be a challenge to them, which is stupid and I'll stop it when I notice it (God, could I get some help in this area? K thanks).

Where and when do you complain? Well, STOP IT! (with God's help, of course) :-P

I Should Write A Song About This

I'm not tired at all! And I'm craving chocolate, which is a terrible combination. But, in other news, the Forrest Gump Suite by Alan Silvestri is really good! 80's movies had good soundtracks, despite the hair and the general foul-mouth-ed-ness. Also, Sarah Chang will be playing Vivaldi's Four Seasons in my city soon...

Speaking of music (I do a lot of that, don't I?), check out this song. It's got an interesting history.
You can download the mp3 for free!

Men = Kleenex?

(This was written in response to a paper I read for class, "Penguins Don't Care, but Women Do: A Social Identity Analysis" by Fatemeh Khosroshahl. I edited it slightly so you, dear readers, might understand it a bit more. Please, let me know what you think! Answer my questions!)

According to this article, men view the word "he" as something like a brand name that covers generic humans and men specifically in the same way that many people use the word "Kleenex" to refer to the brand and generic facial tissues. This analogy was good, but I was struck by the humorous images in my head. How does one picture generic humans, anyway? (UGH! Never mind...)

Perhaps we overuse pronouns, and just need to get more creative with English. Every phrase I can think of that needs a generic pronoun can be rephrased to not include pronouns and be more precise.
Examples:

1. "Somebody left his/her bike in the yard" --> "Somebody left a bike in the yard."
   
2. "Man, being a mammal, excretes milk for his young" --> "Humans, being mammals, excrete milk for their young."
   
3. "The average reader of this blog can afford his own car" --> "Average readers of this blog can afford their own cars" (Hopefully there's more than one reader, right? Even if you can't afford a car?).
   

Am I wrong? Can anyone think of phrases where using a singular generic pronoun is unavoidable?

Also, what about titles like "dude"? Historically, it referred to males, but in an appropriate context I use it to address both genders quite frequently and will respond to someone calling me a dude. Some of my friends have a problem with this, and ironically most who have voiced this opinion are male. I'd be curious to know how many people (and their age and gender) associate "dude" with the male gender.

Dust To Dust

Today Fluffy was buried. Her grave is under my bedroom window, in memoriam of all the times when she'd sit on windowsills and watch my family. Her shroud is a soft blanket with angels on it--the blanket that Grandma Q gave me for Christmas. When she was covered up, I played May It Be (by Enya, on the LotR-FotR soundtrack). Emotions are complex.

Thanks, Dad, for burying Fluffy with me.

Sadness

Remember this post? Well, that dear cat is dead. For real. No ifs, ands, buts, or regrets. I'm glad I had such a cat, and do not expect to have another like Fluffy any time soon. Poor girl.

My Professor Might Hate Me

Well, actually, the TA might. She's gonna be the one reading this ridiculous essay I have to hand in at 9 AM on Sunday. What kind of weird time is that? Even if it is a digital paper!

And I can't get the silly thing written. It's supposed to be relatively easy, but the topic is just too interesting and I keep obsessing over little things.

Wikipedia
Oh how you enable me
I used to love you
But now I hate you
Sorry
Please forgive my
linguisti-geek-y-ness

~by Yours Truly

BUT, I've gotta finish it before 7. 'Cos I gotta get ready for church and be there by 7:30 ( ? Yeah, right. You Calvettis are probably laughing at that).

I don't think I'm going to sleep this weekend. Downer. I wonder what in the world I'm wearing to church tomorrow--er, today, rather.

Just in case you're wondering, I'm writing about essays concerning bilingualism and bilingual education. Black Vernacular English (Or African American Language, or Ebonics, or...pick your acronym) in particular, though I've also delved into Spanish, Gaelic, Welsh, and basically any indigenous language on the African continent. Quite fun, really...until you put a deadline on it.

What Does A "Lost Generation" Look Like?

I know I have Jason's blog link on my sidebar, but I was particularly affected by this post. It has a rather unusual writing style for him, but he picked a great writing method to communicate his story.

Originally uploaded by -gadgetgirl-.

Not Dead Yet

I've had the same stereo for about 10 years. I love it. I paid $70 for it all that time ago, and it's served me incredibly well. It's balanced very well and has a good range. It may be small enough for me to pick up, but the bass can shake the floor. But the tweeters are quality too...and it puts out good mids. It's got a somewhat weak 3-band EQ, but hey--it's an EQ. The only thing I don't like about it is that it lacks an auxiliary input.

During the Christmas season, when I was making peppermint fudge like it would solve the problem of world hunger, this stereo resided in the kitchen to assist in the fudging process. When I moved it back into my room, it didn't work. Weird. I switched out the power cord to see if that would help. It didn't. I tried a third power cord. No go. So today when I cleaned my room, I put it outside my door to trash it. I was sad--this thing had been the instrument on which so much good music had become auditory. Its bass had bothered my parents to no end (sorry, Mom) and caused me much rejoicing. Ah, well. Maybe, in a few months, I'd be able to afford another (used, of course) stereo. Until then, I'd assault my ear drums with headphones. *sigh*

On my way through the house looking for a cord to connect my camera to the computer, I found yet a fourth power cord that could work for my stereo. Hmm..why not? I tried it. IT WORKS!

It's stuff like this that makes me sure that God is very present and cares deeply about me. You probably are confused and amused that I'm so excited to have my stereo back, but God seems to understand the significance :-P I can't wait to blast Mae's Everglow album on that thing :-D But for now I gotta get out of my PJs and fence...

New Music

I had no clue that not buying music this year would be so hard. I also had no clue that my favorite beatboxer/flautist was recording a CD with his band, PROJECT. They're pretty sweet! I'm definitely going to be looking out for this album in 2009...and hey, maybe they'll come visit my city! (Not my father's cave-city in Mirkwood, silly! Although I'm sure they'd be welcome there, if they could find the place.)

Can Anything Be Truly Random?

Certain readers of my blog would find it interesting to know that I found my iPod this morning. It was in my backpack...which I had vigorously searched on several occasions. It fell out when I shook the dust off the backpack. Although, for those interested readers, Mom's iPod is with my sister, and once Mom has it back she plans on using it. Sorry!

Also, I will buy a new racquet today (or tomorrow) for my racquetball class. I took my mom's racquet to class today, but it's about half the size and not bouncy (dense?) compared to "modern" racquets. I'd look in thrift stores for a new one, since it seems like something people would toss out a lot, but I don't have enough time :-(

Tonight I'll be writing two columns for my University's student newspaper as part of the application process to be a columnist. I think it'd be fun to write again...we shall see what they think of my writing!

Mom just told me that the beater arm for her stand mixer is gone. No one knows what happened...but the last time anyone saw it, it was in my mouth. She asked if I'd accidentally tossed it out. I highly doubt it (seriously, who would throw out an enameled metal thing?), but wouldn't that make for a great blonde joke? Hm...kinda...NOT!

NYR Again

Well, that lovely plastic folder thingy that tempted me to break my resolution is getting the axe. It looks great and seems like it would work, but getting a folder outside of the bigger folder which is in my backpack is a hassle. So I'm going back to the old-fashioned binder system (blue binders are M/W/F classes, black are for T/H classes). So, Lane...if you're interested in that folder thingy, give me a call :-) Or you could go to Office Depot...that's what I did...

As for getting new paper: Have you never heard of the 3 R's? (What DO they teach children in schools these days? :-P) Reduce, reuse, recycle. I rarely throw paper away. If I've got a sheet of paper with a mostly-clean side, I reuse it to print stuff like map directions, school assignments, etc. Only when I have to present a paper do I use new stuff. Also, recycling is great, but unfortunately our society (if it cares at all) likes to start with recycling, rather than use it as a last resort. BUT, if you've gotta buy new paper (and who doesn't at some point?), you could try to get recycled stuff. It's not that hard to find any more.

Jon, thanks for commenting. I don't like "cheap" stuff, either. Annie Leonard's statistics do seem unrealistic, and I did wonder if she got tired of speaking in such an emphatic, high tone. Did you listen to the sermon? I'd be interested to get your take on that, too. I do plan on writing about my Year of Used Stuff, because it will hopefully get creative. (If I can't find black dress shoes that are second-hand, could I make them out of duct tape? :-P )

NYR Update

So, I go 8 days without buying anything brand new. That's pitiful. But I don't mind. The New Year's Resolution came with a caveat (which I didn't mention earlier) that guilt must be prevented at all costs--yes, even the cost of destroying the Resolution. So it's still on, I'm just not suffering from guilt :-P

I need some way to organize recently acquired academic materials, and the resources in my basement weren't sufficient. So I got an expandable folder with removable folders in each slot. This way I can fill it with lined paper (that I already have) and can order my notes and class handouts chronologically (which is hard to do with a spiral bound notebook and I never get around to hole-punching handouts for binders). Sweet! But I plan to use it for more than just this semester, 'cos plastic is a terrible thing to throw away.

By the way, the website says it fits about 20 sheets of paper per folder. The folders are small, but I'm going to fit lots more than that in there...trust me ;-)

Irrevocable

So my last two posts have had pretty much no original content. Sorry. But still, I wanted to reference this post about happiness and decision-making. I love that the psychologist proposed to his girfriend after analyzing data.

"...knowing the future is not the same as knowing how much one will like it when one gets there"
~Daniel Gilbert