Insomnia Film Festival

Yeah, I still haven't fallen asleep. THIS was amazing, though! SO GOOD!

New Family Tradition?

Not Sad (Quite The Contrary)

Christmas resulted in a torrent of good, new music (my dad introduced me to the Brian Setzer Orchestra. Go check them out)! Huzzah!

One new album I have is Switchfoot's Oh! Gravity which I should have gotten myself long ago (at least before I saw them in concert recently--post about that is coming).

Their song Yesterdays is so, so so so so so good on every level I can think of (guitar parts? Aiie, they send shivers down my spine). If I had a six-star playlist like John, this would probably be on it. It is, however, on a playlist called Death/Funeral. By far, it's my favorite song of the four that are currently there, though the average rating is 4.75 stars. Why? The topic of death causes me to worship like few topics do. Please, let me explain. I know you're probably creeped out, but hey, it's my blog, and I really want to tell you this story.

Years ago, before Christ, I was deathly afraid to die. I would lay awake and imagine ghastly events resulting in death, or imagine that death was imminent. Because of this, gory things don't scare or gross me, and it probably contributed to my insomnia. My parents often dealt with this fear, since I woke them up a lot, claiming I could see smoke (in the dark?) and was convinced that the house was on fire and we'd all burn in our sleep. (How old was I, Dad? Four or five, maybe?) But one night, my dad gave me a verse to remember, which was Psalm 30:5*. He explained to me the concept of faith, and that faith is reaching out in the dark with my heart and knowing that God was there, beyond a shadow of a doubt, and had only good things in store for me.

At that tender age, I began to wrestle through thoughts of God's existence, sin, Heaven (reward), and Hell (punishment). God was certainly there; I can't remember a time in my life where his voice has not been audible to my soul. My (meager) life experience led me to believe that he did reward faith and punish sin, though he sincerely did not want to punish anyone. What had I to lose by culturing faith in God? Yet, everything was to gain by doing so.

Late one night when I lay awake seeing wisps of smoke and fighting the urge to wake my parents again, that verse came immediately to mind. "His favor lasts for life! ...Joy comes in the morning!" I latched onto that promise, and for the first time believed that God had only good things in store for me. Joy will come. At first, I hoped it meant that I would live to see the sun rise again, but if it didn't I would be seeing the Son, which must be better than anything I can see here. In those sleepless nights, God helped me cultivate a sense of anticipation, learning more about death and that it isn't the end, or even just a stagnation, but a portal. What lies beyond that portal depends on what one does before reaching it, and God accepted my childish faith and assured me of a purely good future. What exactly that goodness was, I could only imagine, but my faith filled that unknown.

Over the years, I've learned tiny bits about what Heaven and Judgment Day will be like, and have realized that there's more--my faith must result in action. But I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that death is going to be exciting! There are good things in this life that might not be in Heaven, but God has nothing but good in store for me, so if he chooses to give me another kind of goodness, it must be better than anything I've known yet. There are things, however, that I will be so glad to not have. Arthritis has pointed me toward the promise of Heaven so many countless times. Did you know that in Heaven, we'll have new bodies?!? This makes me breathless! No pain, ever! Did you know that God can't stand the presence of Evil? So if we're going to live in his presence (can't type, mind is exploding...), then we can't even consider the topic of Evil. Petty thoughts and hurtful actions will be GONE! AH! What could be better? No Utopia could match this! How can I even think about such a lofty ideal? I don't know! I know I can't realize any of it, or really predict anything. It's a wild, glorious unknown. It's a place I can barely wait to reach. In fact, I've thought about going there NOW, but Philippians 1:21-26 has kept me here to fulfill the good purpose God has for me.

If the paragraph above didn't make you breathless, or laugh, or at least smile, my writing has utterly failed. Language is a pitiful medium to communicate such ideas--that's why you should go read what the Bible says about faith, promises, goodness, and Heaven. Those aren't merely words; they're alive because of the Holy Spirit. He can communicate in ways I can't imagine.

Heaven is why death holds no qualms for me. I have fears about how death may come, and still lay awake imagining unlikely, unpleasant ways to die. But the pain will be over eventually and I, yes I, will see the the Son of God and will be an heiress with him. An equal with God's Son? This sounds blasphemous! But it's true! So true! Every fiber of my body screams in anticipation of this joyous event. (Not kidding. Even my nose is running really hard right now... :-P)

It's selfish of me to wish that no one would cry at my funeral, however. I mean, hopefully my life has impacted at least some others and shown them God's goodness. If they think that my death means God's goodness has ceased to be revealed in at least one aspect, I can't wish that they'd forget about God's goodness. But I don't want my funeral to cater to sadness and depression. Look up! Rejoice in God's goodness! Thank him for what was, and rejoice in what will be!

Every lament is a love song!
~Jon Foreman

*My first "real" Bible, a Precious Moments Bible, had a page dedicated to this verse. I recently gave it to my cousin's daughter. I pray that she learns the same precious truths that I learned, and a genuine faith grows in her heart as a result of that Bible.

The Semi-Annual Interview

[Cue: couch with one occupant. Sun is setting in window behind couch.]

Self: And welcome, folks, to this semester's edition of Thoughts of a Wood Elf! Once again, I'm hosting a guest, Self. But before we meet Self, let me give you all some background information. Self left the bureaucratic world of academia at a huge university and spent some months working at a sub joint. This fall she returned to school, and tonight we're going to hear about her experiences. Please, welcome Self!

[Applause.]

Self: Hi, thanks! I'm glad to be here.

Self: Self, it was rumored that you'd dropped out of college. Was that true?

Self: No, I'd never planned to leave college altogether. I certainly needed a break, and wasn't sure I'd be going back to the same school, but I always hoped to finish my degree.

Self: Why?

Self: I was so close to being done already, and a college degree can open doors, even if they're not in fields that one has studied. Personally, I wanted revenge, too. I felt like the College Experience tried its best to chew me up and spit me out, and I wanted to get back at "College," and prove I was actually smart enough to graduate.

Self: Wow. Has it worked?

Self: Oh, yeah. I haven't graduated yet, but this semester has been so different!

Self: So you've been sleeping 8 hours a night and eating meals at regular intervals?

Self: No, I'm still an insomniac and I actually stayed away from food on purpose this semester.

Self: Whoa, OK. Two questions: 1) Why did you stay away from food? 2) What was different, then?

Self: I stayed away from food because I wanted to lose weight but didn't feel healthy enough to work out. A long time ago I swore never to do this...but I did. Oh well. Next semester will be different, though, because I plan to work out regularly in an effort to stay healthy, rather than recognize that need after I get sick and too weak/lazy to exercise.

[Self passes a slip of paper to Self, which says "Note to Self, starving is a terribly inefficient way to lose weight."]

Self: So what's going to change about next semester?

Self: I discovered a program at my school that gives you a ton of resources to help you set fitness goals and reach them. So I'm going to invade the gym most days after classes, armed with knowledge and having specific goals. One of those goals will be to improve my fencing footwork. I hate feeling old and slow when I coach!

Self: [Chuckles.] Let's go back to academia. What changed in the months that you took a break from college, and how did that affect your studies when you went back to school?

Self: Well, I battled depression in the winter and spring. I wouldn't say I "recovered" from depression during the summer, but I was reminded of central truths that I had taken for granted or forgotten. I think part of depression is a worldview that causes one to keep looking back into oneself, which can be healthy but not in extremes. God changed my view to be focused on him, rather than myself. So I approached the fall semester with a very expectant attitude, waiting to see how God would glorify himself there.

Self: And did God come through?

Self: Of course, silly. When doesn't he? He taught me a lot about relationships this semester, for which I am incredibly grateful.

Self: How did your approach to school change?

Self: It didn't.

Self: So did your semester grades change?

Self: Well, I only took 4 classes, so I had more time to devote to studying...not that I really studied all that much more. But in the past, I've been excited to get something other than a C. This semester, I'll be disappointed if I get a C. Hopefully that trend will continue next semester.

Self: What, in your opinion, caused this change?

Self: Linguistics! I love it...I love that I can geek out over it with my classmates, and they participate in the geekiness and encourage it. It's hard to geek out over something like biology...something that is certainly mysterious and intriguing but which has been researched to death. Linguistics is such an undeveloped field...if I ever get to research stuff, I have a notebook full of questions I could easily turn into research projects. I mean, Sign Language alone has so much to offer that no one knows about, and it's only one of five languages I've studied. Oh, speaking of languages, I think I'll have time to study one more language before I graduate. Should I pick ancient Greek, ancient Hebrew, an African click language, or artificial languages like Klingon and Elvish?

Self: Um, perhaps we should poll the audience!

Self: Sounds good. Whaddya think?

[Turns and looks at you expectantly.]

If This Doesn't Make Sense, It's Vincent's Fault...

I've come to the sudden conclusion that it's hard to be idealistic about one's work. If I went into an art field, it would have something to do with the visual arts, but I've been afraid to follow this path because I'm idealistic about what and how I would create art. And yet, I love music but don't claim to be a musician. I am an instrumentalist, yes. I know how to play the violin and can produce good notes (with exception, of course). But I don't know music, and cannot produce good original music (I may be able to jam, but only because I've studied Sevcek's variations). So it's much easier to be idealistic about the kind of music I enjoy than the kind of art I create. After all, if my next meal would depend on the the shape of pot I throw, I'd certainly throw something that would sell, not necessarily the shape I want to throw (though hopefully I'd get to do that, too). There are careers to which this doesn't apply. I hope CPAs aren't not idealistic about their work...the idea is to have integrity, after all.

I love studying the interaction between the visual and the auditory art spheres.

Oh, man...

These guys amuse me, even when they don't have a huge tech crew and lots of money. Jon must have either taken singing lessons or gotten serious back pain from singing like that... And, wow, Tim must have stopped dyeing his hair between then and now. And Jon has yet to cut his since then. At least Chad has some follicular sense :-P

December 7th

Today, dear friends, is Pearl Harbor Day.

Source: viewimages.com

Please remember those who lost their lives in this tragic event, and remember the circumstances, so that history won't repeat itself. Thank the veterans and soldiers you may know for their courage.

(Also, could you pray for my younger brother? He got slammed in the head by a hockey puck, and is on his way to the emergency room.)

Tchaikovsky

Guys--it's officially Christmas :-) OK, fine, it's been "officially Christmas" since the day before Halloween, but I just realized it.

How?

When I popped open a box of Sugar Plum Spice tea after frolicking in the snow for 20 minutes.

To celebrate, I'm posting in red :-D [EDIT-I never realized what red-on-green looks like. Sorry to those whose retinas were offended. It WAS red, now it's pink.]



n3
Originally uploaded by bowznstuff.

4 AM?

Hm, still not able to sleep. My left hand is numb; I can't feel the keys as I type. Weird.

Good news! I suppose...well, probably not. It turns out I am becoming a MuteMath groupie. Bummer. But I just bought their EP (Reset) off of half.com, where it had been previously priced at $35 ish. No, silly, I didn't get it for that much. Because I waited for 3 years (yeah, I knew about the band way back when they released the EP), I saved a whole $0.02!

I can feel my left hand now. Goodnight.

Tribute To Mike

• For the past week, I've been waking up with a strange feeling. This feeling also comes when I turn off the lights at night. Today, I realized what it is. It's the understanding that most of my bedroom floor is visible, and it's been...life-changing. Well, maybe not that dramatic. Perhaps we shall call it habit-changing.
• I broke two ornaments when I decorated the Christmas tree yesterday. Poor, spun-glass reindeer. Poor dancers, who were given to me by Mrs. Hoffman (or maybe that was Mike's?). Oops.
• Cameras are pretty fun, but it takes a while to get used to using one. Since I'd never had a camera before last Friday, I never bothered to learn the nitty-gritty stuff about 'em. One of the details I just can't figure out: What should I name the guy? My computer's name is Jake...Fred is the turtle in Jess' car...Bert came to mind, but I want to make sure that's the perfect name for him. What do you think? Check out my Flickr for his portrait.
  
• Is naming electronics weird? I hope so. I was thinking about this phenomenon just now...all my electronics (which aren't many) have monosyllabic, male names. Except for my cell phones. They have names like "my old phone," "my first phone," "the red phone," "John's old phone," ...you get the idea. I wonder why.
• On the way home from school, I was thinking about Jesus and prayer. This had to do with some song that was playing on my iPod, but I can't remember the song. Anyway. SO, Jesus prayed quite a bit. But why? Jesus was God incarnate, after all. Talking to himself doesn't seem like it'd be a long process. Wait, God lives in me, if my theology is correct. So, why do I pray? On the other hand, why don't I walk on water at will, or heal whenever I so choose? Huh. Something to think about, for sure. (Before anyone goes willy-nilly on me, keep your shirt on. This sort of theology isn't what I'd call necessary to a saving knowledge of Christ, it's a question probing God's grace. Prayer is a gift, I know that. If I never find the answer to this question, I don't care. It's just fun to think about.)
  

This Is Not The Post Mentioned In The Previous Post

Happy Thanksgiving!

And by that, I do not mean "I hope you can be more gluttonous than you were last year, because you've overeaten on a more regular basis!" I mean something like...Be aware of the goodness that surrounds you! The people that may be here today and gone tomorrow, or the people who aren't here but are missed because of the love that once pervaded shared experiences. Or the daily comforts and blessings, like slippers, breakfast, a car, and salvation by grace alone.

Concerts

Oh, so much to blog about. Seriously. Don't read my next post. But I wanted to see if anyone was interested in these concerts...

January 11-13, Joshua Bell will be in town again! He's the best musician I've ever heard...

February 21-23, a concert featuring parts of Tchaikovsky's Romeo & Juliet will be playing. The interesting thing about this concert, though, is that a female percussionist will be premiering a new concerto. Fascinating...

Would anyone be interested in coming with me? Let me know if you are. I definitely want to hear Joshua Bell again, and this percussionist seems worth at least $12.50.

The Best Concert Yet

Oh my. Where to start? With sleep deprivation from midterm preparation? With the cup of deliciously caffeinated frozen chai from Kiva Han's? From a religious demonstration on campus that was soon swallowed by an anti-demonstration of homosexuals where a friend was passionately reading something in support of gay rights? Or perhaps the 54C bus driver refusing to open the bus doors, causing me to be late?

Nah. It started years ago. I don't even remember when or why I first heard MuteMath, but I knew it had some connections to an old band I liked called Earthsuit. [EDIT: I just heard their song "Peculiar People," and I think that song got me interested in the band. I often sing this song as I walk to the bus stop, or feel particularly weird.] So I watched some videos, bought the album, and fell as deeply in love with them as one can with a band. No, I'm not a groupie. Their music is simply that good. I've heard it said that people who like Mute Math are fans of music, not the band. Interesting. Explains my point, I hope. Though I do think their creativity extends beyond music. Go look them up on YouTube...Darren is hilarious.

Years before Mute Math, however, I liked Eisley. I still don't understand why they're just an opening band...I've liked them for years! Are my musical tastes just that obscure? Anyway. I saw them on tour with Switchfoot, and it wasn't bad. They weren't amazing live, but kinda like playing the CD, just really loud, with bass that will shake your pants. So the sound was good, but not the show. Still, I like them a lot.

On Tuesday a month ago, all the fun stuff mentioned in the first paragraph was accomplished and/or observed. That whole religion vs. gay rights thing had me thinking pretty hard, and I may actually blog those thoughts when I have time (like...when? Yeah). Yay for a newfound friend, Steve. He's a lot of fun, and during this trip I got a good quote out of him, though I forget the details. Something to the effect of "I just don't get awkward." I shall have to keep that in mind.

After I found a bus driver who would open the door for me, I got to Steve's neighborhood. We jumped in hiss black Taurus and found John Behrens and took off for Cleveland. John zonked out in the back seat, so Steve and I talked about music and road trips (he took 4 friends, 3.5 weeks, and a few thousand dollars to tour the US. So cool!). Dinner was some sandwich from Au Bon Pain that had really spicy guacamole. But I got a jar of actual tea, which was cool. No preservatives, no high fructose corn syrup, nothing but not-from-concentrate tea. Cleveland was crowded because the Indians were there for a playoff game. Parking was expensive and hard to find, but we found a sweet meter which was a block away from John Q's Grille. Never been there, but the name was cool!

Then, back to the creepy, oppressive House of Blues. They've got this thing going on..."Unity in Diversity," or something, and have icons from major world religions all over the place. Ugh. But the first thing I noticed were my friends. Some of the Akron kids came up for the show, and I had a sweet reunion with Jess. That girl is a breath of joyful, beautiful air, and I wish I had more time to spend with her. I got to meet some of Steve's friends, too (he grew up near Cleveland). So we mulled around, chatting a bit, forcing our way forward as much as possible, and waiting for Eisley.

Eisley was good. This time around the vocals (which I've always loved) were much more stylized, and I think Stacy and Sherri have gotten much better with time. Garron (the bassist) had a disgusted look on his face...I felt bad for him. They also played songs from their new CD, which was cool. Their new sound is a lot more aggressive. Nice. They finally played Trolley Wood :-D At points during their set, I'd realize what they're playing, light up, glance at John, and we'd both exclaim "I LOVE this song!" or some variation thereof. Dave T also got hooked. He kept muttering about poetry inspirations and stuff.

Eisley left, and we waited. Craig reminded me of the Switchfoot concert, when I got tired and sore, so I just sat down on the floor between sets. Well this time I talked to Dave, tried to convince Steve that we should swing dance to the background music, rubbed John's shoulders, and tickled Jess. We pressed forward as much as possible to get close to the stage...I'd guess I was about 5 feet from it? REALLY close. Close enough to tell that Paul Meany was sweating before he started playing. Fortunately, we were also on the drummer's side of the stage.

"I approach my instrument as a frustrated athlete."~Darren King (source)

Ohhh, MuteMath. You rock. In so many ways. So, check this out--Darren, the drummer, TAPES HIS HEADPHONES TO HIS HEAD. That's certainly a sign that one should prepare for an adventure. He also had a sparse drum kit, but boy he used it maximally. He is amazing. Love in the form of a drummer, as Steve said. Heh. Any time I saw Steve he was gaping at Darren, as if he could become a better drummer just by watching Darren's genius firsthand. I certainly enjoyed the drumming. His vibes are close to my soul's rhythm, if that makes sense. His beats are creative and unpredictable and tight. At one point in the show, he pulled his drumset apart, heaped the kick drum and other random parts on the Rhodes piano and jammed there for a bit. Meanwhile Greg was playing his board full of effects pedals, Roy was playing a cymbal with his hands and a stick, and Paul was beating the life out of a freestanding bass drum.

"I want to make it hard for people to be hopeless." ~Paul Meany, in Soulshine

The lead singer/keyboardist, Paul, is childishly energetic. Not in an immature way, he just came up with crazy stuff to do and had weirdly cool dance moves and loved interacting with the crowd. He drifted between a synth, a Fender Rhodes piano, a keytar, and an instrument they made out of an Atari game console. Unfortunately the keytar broke about halfway through the concert, but I didn't miss it all that much. Paul likes to jump around, and at one point was pounding his keyboard, decided his feet would do better than his hands, and jumped on it. Bad idea--he was unbalanced and hit the stage pretty hard, knocking his mic stand over in the process (it almost hit me!). But he bounded up and kept going. A note about the Rhodes piano (get it?)--they sawed the lid in half so that just the keys were exposed, thereby protecting the rest of the instrument. Wow. Oh, yeah, he'd hit a chord then do handstands on the thing, too. I laughed out loud.

And, oh, man--Roy, the bassist, played an upright bass for "Obsolete," which was so cool! The pickups were taped onto the fingerboard, which was curious. I'm guessing they were pilfered off of an electric bass. He knows bass, in my opinion...he's not just a wanna-be guitarist or someone who wants to be in a band but give minimal effort. He knows what he's doing. Plus, I just loved seeing a classical instrument on a stage with weird electronic instruments and effects pedals. Greg, the guitarist, was amazing, as I've come to expect from lead guitarists. He had a big...guitar...that I was curious about. It was a hollow-body electric guitar with f-holes...it looked "vintage" (i.e. old), and I loved the sound. Of course, his effects pedals may have had something to do with that sound. Those pedals, by the way, were all screwed onto a board, which he carried around and played sans guitar (and maybe a sampler was involved).

The whole band was good with crowd interaction, which is cool because usually that responsibility falls on the lead singer. The crowd there was excellent, and a lot of people knew and sang the words, which the band seemed to appreciate a lot. Because of this they seemed like real people, not just "artists" on a pedestal who assumed people's appreciation.

I wanted to post a video from one of their shows, but I don't have a favorite one. So go here, or here. Just don't stay there for too long...

Pittsburgh Renaissance Festival 2007

Long story + no time = very short post. These pictures are for Breka, my dear old Evil Editor, who has hacked her way through the Anti-Entering Authority to reach me.

Of course, anyone is welcome to enjoy them...



My amazing closet outfitted all three of us girls (and I was wondering what I had for a RenFest!), except for the brown velvet shirt. Fuzzy, if you wanna tell the story about those pants...go right ahead. You don't still have them, do you? :-P



Here I am, in greater detail (though I really should crop this picture). I loved this costume...it felt so comfortable and not too hot and (I thought) it looked fabulous. (Ignore the weird look on my face or the buttons that would never have adorned a lady from the Renaissance. Please?) It consisted of a humongous black skirt (from the thrift store--it was handmade, and I think it must have been for a theater production. The waist is high and small, and it's really long--even for me), a blue dress (which I made in high school), a black velvet vest (I called it a bodice...my Mom wore it in college), and black leather boots from my grandmother.

Youth Camp 2007

Ha! I'm sitting in the computer lab at school, waiting for inspiration to finish my paper. But I thought I'd be the "first" to blog about YC07, since that was probably the biggest event this summer. [Edit: This post actually took me 6 weeks to write.]

This year was the best year ever.

I was a team leader again this summer. This year was my 10th year at camp, and my 3rd as a team leader. I was also the oldest team leader, which was weird. This amazing guy was my co-team leader. Our team was called (oh-so-appropriately) "Spaced Out," and included this Camper Of The Year. I've got a ton of pictures on my computer, so I'm going to invent a term and "photo-blog" my way through camp. My apologies to those whose photos I used, but haven't credited. I'm sorry! (Jason, I do not have a team picture. I have hundreds of YC07 pics on my hard drive, and none of them are of the team!)

I love camp!
(my bro Matt)

Jason was an amazing guy (did I say that already?) to co-lead with. Thanks, Jason!








This is the best picture of YC07, or of Monster Volleyball--EVER. Kudos to Mike for taking it.

Monster Volleyball.

Increasing the contrast
made the net look so cool!

Um, girls...Are you aware of your surroundings? Yeah, there's a camera and all...but watch out!










The strategy game was called "YC Amoeba," and involved running while holding hands with those in your group (the number of people grew at every station). This was near the end, and right before the hardest station--the picnic table carry.





This guy's job was to yell in our faces until we laughed or 30 seconds elapsed.

It was hard!

One of the stations was to run through a gauntlet of noodles swung by the players of Noodle Sockey. It was the best station...to swing noodles in :-P

Games were amazing.
Our team did very well in most of them, and I enjoyed them heartily.

Dan, being awesome. I did this, too, and right after shaking the water out of my hair, Mr. Tumino approached me and said, "you know, Shannon, only a guy would do that." I was appalled. Lane immediately started to tease me about it, and the phrase "only a boy would do that" became a regular part of my interaction with her. (Thankfully, she retired it recently :-P)








Mike H. served as the "Water Nazi" by forcing people to drink and spraying them with water.










This kid is dear to my heart, and an incredible blessing to many.

(this is me feeing important, whereas the picture itself has very little importance here)

The skits were amazing. Ours was good (in everyone's opinions but the judges), though it cost us first place overall at camp. We were in first until skits were scored, and our skit came in last. So we got second place overall. Downer. But good for the pride :-P



Steve shaved his head for our skit
and played the role of Old John

Mr. Pierson counsels a
young Johnny B (er, Nick)

Here's a video of one of the best skits:





















I love the focus that YC has on the parent<-->teen interaction. It's so, so, so important, and it doesn't get emphasized or encouraged enough. Many parents participate by being referees (like Mr. C here) and get the chance to influence their children and others'.


This is a girl who was on my team with her father and brother (yes, I remember her name, silly, but I don't know if she'd want me to publish it).




The reason why camp was so good this year was simply because God was there. During one evening, Jess M and I were sitting at the front of the meeting hall, hugging and laughing and sniffing away tears of joy. "God, thank you that you are so present! Thank you that our pastors don't know what to do next because you have completely taken over this meeting!" Several people got saved, relationships were mended, and a general sense of impending joy proliferated.

There was one point where Dave T had finished praying for a friend and was walking around looking as if his face would burst with joy. I asked, "Good time of prayer?" and he laughed--a belly laugh. He never answered with words, it was just a laugh! And yet, I knew exactly what he meant. He left the building because he couldn't stop laughing and didn't want to disturb everyone else.

Oh, man. It was amazing. I get goosebumps still, just thinking about it.

Lane, thanks for letting me share your time with God on the second night. I hope you benefitted by it, because it was a defining moment for me.

Ahhh, so delicious.

How was camp possible? These guys! And Katie C.
And so many more people.
But John spearheaded the whole thing, and for that I am grateful.

"Check out our whiteness!"

"No, Mike, we're trying to show off our muscles!"

"Oh..."

Insane Artist

Poor Vincent. Except for the mental illness (I haven't been diagnosed with anything...yet :-P) I identify with van Gogh quite a bit. His early thoughts on art and its relationship to God resonate with me, though later in life he rejected Christianity. In my studies, I found a cool quote I wanted to remember. I don't necessarily agree with it, but it makes one think...

Many people think that they will become good just by doing no harm--but that's a lie...that way lies stagnation, mediocrity.

Just slap anything on when you see a blank canvas staring at you like some imbecile. You don't know how paralyzing that is, that stare of a blank canvas, which says to the painter: you can't do a thing. The canvas has an idiotic stare and mesmerizes some painters so much that they turn into idiots themselves. Many painters are afraid in front of the blank canvas, but the blank canvas is afraid of the real, passionate painter who dares and who has broken the spell of "you can't" once and for all.
~Vincent van Gogh, in a letter to his brother "Theo" in October 1884

After reading that, and looking at van Gogh's work...doesn't it make sense that he was a great artist? So much passion and opinion! And yet, it makes sense that he was crazy...too much passion and opinion!

And yet, he has a good point. This is an excellent metaphor for life...don't just sit there and be afraid of time and the future! It's scary when one is making huge decisions about life. But don't just sit there and do nothing...take risks! Don't let fear keep you from not doing. Don't define yourself by what you don't do or can't do. With God, all things are possible!

Art Store

Wow. I've been kicking around the idea of selling art online, but didn't know where. So I've also been kicking around the idea of starting an online business. Since then I've learned a lot about online businesses, but I don't know if my idea will work all that well...because I found my idea. It's called Etsy.com, and I love it. I may be putting my own stuff up there, but I found a cool bowl, the London skyline, an abstract painting, a sweet ring, ooh, and here's another, a leather journal, and--OH! Check out the sweet design on this search page! Cool place to get ideas and spend dough :-P I think I may try to get Laedelas' name there...

In other news, I just saw a sweet design for a dress. It was a satin...wrap, almost, with a tulle skirt underneath. The satin was a closely tailored, asymmetrical tunic, and the tulle was full and had sparkly stuff embroidered in it. Sweet!

"Normality" Cannot Reflect Reality

I said this today to one of my fencers as we compared "idiot" and "crazy." What we think is normal cannot actually exist-it's just a statistical number, as the other Coach (Chris) pointed out. Hm.

Boundless had something to say on this, too. It's a long article, but please go read it. There are quite a few gems in it. It made me wonder about Britney Spears' situation. I know, I know...her sad story is old news, is told too often, you're sick of seeing, reading, and hearing about her...but her situation has been bothering me. She was the idol of so many young girls just a few years ago! I know this all too well--I babysat one such girl. And Britney has become the scapegoat of those who share her thirst for a perfect image. Because she couldn't keep up the act, her act has changed to mocking herself (or so it would seem).

[Disclaimer: I do not approve of Britney Spears' works. I have heard her music, but not willfully. It's "good" music, but the lyrics are corrupted. Please do not go listen to her music or watch her videos because of this.]

How could society let this happen? Not that Britney's massive fan base had a responsibility to ensure her well-being, but why have we become so obsessive over pretensions? It's shocking to realize that our culture would pressure someone so much. Sure, she was a sinful being before achieving fame, but she couldn't keep the perfect image "together," and lost a lot because of it.

A lot of people are disgusted by her fall. I am saddened. She was a smart young woman who knew what she wanted and how to get it. She is an example of what could happen to someone who achieves her ultimate goal.

What are the ultimate goals of people around me? How can I persuade them of the futility of any goal but that which glorifies God?

What is my ultimate goal?

We Don't Mess Around (HEY!)

This is my (re)new(ed) slogan. I think it's an old cheer, or something.

Heh, Mr. Pierson was just talking about our church's mission statement staying a mission statement, and not just becoming a slogan.

Oh well, I have a slogan. I've never had an "official" slogan before, but I loved this phrase years ago. Apparently, I lost my ability to stay focused some time near when I forgot the slogan. Ergo, it is renewed.

Huh.

So, tonight Josh Harris taught me a bit about biblical masculinity & femininity, which is unfortunately a favorite sore spot of mine. Guys have to work at being biblically masculine! For years I've been resisting the traditional view of women, because it is supressive and certainly not complementarian (to clarify--personal views may not reflect this, but historically women have been denied many opportunities for growth and been put down by the men who claim to love them best). However, there are men out there who are also fighting this traditional view, even at the cost of their own comfort and status. I don't know why I didn't realize this before. No, actually--I do know. I was too proud of my "victim" status, of having to resist guys' attempts to control me and how I express my femininity. Viewing myself as a student, not a victim, would seem to encourage learning and friendship more, rather than getting upset when people try to change my mind and press me into a traditional female mold.

Thank you, Lord, for your grace in this area! I've been praying for relief, and though you are graciously allowing me to work through things logically, you also sustain me under temptation.