Humility Check (again)

[This section edited upon the advice of my brother. Not Legolas, the other one. Basically I reported my semester grades etc. and followed it with thoughts of the semester...]

What do I care about all of this? Eternity is paid for! I am assured that I will be treated in every way except the way I deserve! So how do I temper that view with this feeling of ineptitude? This was going to be the semester that my academic abilities shone, and I get just 1 letter grade higher in 1 class than last semester. I immediately turn to excuses: I was sick many times, once for a whole month. My father's sister died right before finals week. I worked at two jobs while doing school work and coaching a championship team. Not all of these excuses are invalid, but the point is that I failed to overcome them and meet my goals. I wonder what God's goals were through this process. Am I more mature than I once was? I do not feel closer to Christ at all; I feel farther away than I felt last semester. I think I want to go get lost in the woods with a Bible, a blanket, and a pack of matches for a few days.