30 January, 2007

Now We See Dimly...

"Cards, we are cards
In a wheel spun around on the truth
Maybe we don't need to know
Any more than we have to"

Despite the grammatical errors in these lyrics from Mute Math, I realized their relevance to the phase of life that I'm in. Still jobless after 6 weeks of "vacation" and with no purpose or cause presenting itself that I might pursue, I feel somewhat pointless. This may be a byproduct of a culture that seeks affluence, but I do need some sort of income in the near future. I've also been wondering about future semesters--will I go back to the university I disliked? Will I find another school that seems to fit my needs? Will I never finish school?

But do I really need to know all of this? I know that tomorrow I will either be in heaven or God will still be providing for my physical needs. If I don't have a job right now, then I must not need it. I don't need to know any more than what God has told me. To seek something that is outside of his will would be sin, and definitely not a good strategical move. This doesn't mean I won't be actively seeking employment, and that I won't need a job until April, but I am able to rest in God's care.

It is amazing to ponder how well God knows me. He knows my soul, yes, but he also knows about the tuition bill due soon, and the emotions that seem to have taken over my ability to think, and that I enjoy snow. He knows I was viewing myself as independent, when in reality I rely completely on his love, so he's teaching me of his providence. I am starting to realize how he is a perfect Father, and truly loves me as his daughter.

For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known. (I Corinthians 13:12)

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