17 September, 2006

My life

It's way too late to be writing, but inspiration struck and I'm sick anyway. So here I am, online when I shouldn't be.

I was browsing through The Rebelution, and came upon this post. So then I asked myself:
"Self, what would be the hardest thing for me to do?"
"Well, Self, since I already conquered Europe this summer, then quitting school would be really hard for me to do."
"And why in the world would I quit school, Self? Is this some sort of secret dream of mine?"
"Well, yes and no. Here are my reasons:

  • School seems unfulfilling. I'm doing absolutely nothing to benefit the world, and though I can see how my current plan of action might be preparation to benefit somebody, I feel the need to do something NOW. I think this feeling is from God. It's not a selfish desire to get out of responsibility to party, it's a desire to see where the gospel isn't, and bring it there. College seems to just delay my availability for such work.
  • Working regularly this summer made me realize that, though it can be REALLY boring and unfulfilling, God may be using a job as a tool, not as an ends in itself. I could be making tons of money right now that I could invest in God's kindom. What am I earning at college? A diploma? I mean, that's nice, and I know I might be able to get a higher-paying job with a diploma, but do I need a college diploma to get down & dirty in my work for the gospel? If God wants me to, I could go from one transient job to another, and be able to devote 100% of my time to the Gospel in between jobs.
  • I started college with everything and then some paid for. I've not been able to keep my GPA high enough to retain all of the scholarship money, though I have the opportunity to earn it back. So this year of school will mostly be coming from my own pocket. It would, from a financial point of view, be advantageous to use this semester as the time that I earn back my scholarship, take off next semester, and have the next four semesters paid for.
  • College is a bureaucracy! And I hate that! Some of me wants to quit just to show college that I don't care about their precious pieces of paper (i.e. diplomas). But, at my college, 1 student out of 15,000+ won't make a difference. Also, now that I'm part of the linguistics department, I realize that some professors actually want their students to succeed in their own way. They don't need me to conform to their learning and success patterns, because they'll conform to mine. What a nice change this is. "
"Ok, Self, here are my responses to that:
  • Good! I know I have ideas for such work in my head. Most involve traveling away from Pittsburgh; perhaps I should look around for some opportunities at home. But I've thought quite seriously about Namibia, and now I'm curious about going back to Spain, and there's also coaching. During this semester I'll keep looking into these things and see where God leads me.
  • To what, exactly, is God calling me? I don't want to limit God at all...but could I fully support a husband and children while running around doing odd jobs and evangelizing? Or would my husband and children be my field of work? Because, even then, the opportunity to find a husband might not present itself if I'm constantly on the move. I might want to consider this a bit more seriously. Does God really want me in a marriage? Sometimes I wonder how I could be tied down to such a responsibility for the rest of my life, but at other times I wonder how I could survive without fulfilling that God-given need for human companionship and children.
  • Good point. I don't know who wouldn't agree with this strategy if only money is concerned.
  • This smacks of pride, to be completely blunt. I wouldn't give this aspect any consideration at all when weighing pros and cons. But I think I know that already :-P"
So, there you have it, folks. My grand plan for the next few months is...undetermined! Thank God for the grace that allows me to hold my future lightly and still be confident that nothing but goodness awaits me.


Breka said...

Yeah....me too...I think at some point I do want to finish college, because that does seem the direction I'm called and I do feel the need of some education and the learning and experiences that come with it. But I don't really know if the 'traditional' way is for me. This semester has basically been crap so far, and I'm sick of it, even though I'm only 4 weeks in. Something has to change, or I shall snap. If I haven't already. Pray hard, take risks, and don't let yourselg get caught up in the idea of money, even if it's to be used for God.

Jason said...

Proverbs 19:21 is a favorite verse of mine: "Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand." I'll pray for God to give you wisdom as you seek His purpose for your future.

BTW, How long have you been a Rebelutionary?

Laedelas Greenleaf said...

Jason, I actually went there through your blog. Though, if you consider that my mom and dad raised us on Greg Harris' 21 laws and scripture memory stuff, then I've been a Harris Disciple since birth :-) Thank you for your prayer!

Isaiah 46:9-10 is another favorite verse in this area: "I am God, and there is no other; I am God, and there is none like me,
10 declaring the end from the beginning
and from ancient times things not yet done,
saying, ‘My counsel shall stand, and I will accomplish all my purpose"