07 November, 2005

The future of...me?

Take a look at my transcripts. I'm not a poor student, but my science grades are killing me. This is forcing me to reconsider my goals in education. I had been well on my way to earning my doctorate in physical therapy, but I can't seem to perform well enough in the sciences. I've decided to put PT school on the back burner for the next semester or so, & focus on interesting stuff...like West African Dancing. Maybe I'll come back to PT.

The thought of not completing my former plans hurts. Perhaps it's my pride condemning me for caving in to a workload that I couldn't force myself to cope with, and God is trying to break that. I love science, I honestly do. And I would love to work in a physical therapy setting. Perhaps it's bitterness. I worked so hard to get where I am, believing wholeheartedly that I was following God's plan for my life, and now it seems that he is leading me in another direction.

In another respect, I enjoy this prospect. College would be shortened from a total of 7 years to 4. I never planned on working my entire life. My dream originally was (and still is) to get married and raise children. I wanted a college education mainly so that I would be able to teach my children how to think for themselves on a deeper level than their peers. A job was just a way to support myself while I was in between college and marriage. Grad school would delay my dream of motherhood considerably, since it'd take a long time to finish paying for grad school.
I'm setting the stage for the things I love
And I'm now the [wo]man I once couldn't be
Nothing on earth could now ever move me
I now have the will and the strength a [wo]man needs

It's my will, and I'm not moving
Cause if it's your will, then nothing can shake me
It's my will, to bow and praise you
I now have the will to praise my God

Complexity haunts me for I am two [wo]men
Entrenched in a battle that I'll never win
My discipline fails me, my knowledge it fools me
But you are my shelter, all the strength that I need

I'm learning to give up the rights to myself
The bits and the pieces I've gathered as wealth
Could never compare to the joy that you bring me
The peace that you show me is the strength that I need

We've got to be children of peace
Don't you know we've got to be children of peace
~~~d.c. Talk

"For I am confident in this very thing, He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus." Phillipians 1:6

"For our light and momentary troubles are acheiving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." II Cor. 4:7-18

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