02 November, 2006

Oh What A Night...

Well, actually, it was a day. The whole thing. Went absolutely crazy, and I'm not kidding.

Today I woke up early, and even though I wasted 20 minutes of my usually well-planned morning on Facebook, I ate a good breakfast and got to class on time. I stayed alert and participated in all of my classes. Though I forgot a minor assignment and had a pop quiz, I did well and felt pretty chipper. Sadly, I do not remember once attributing this peace to my Father in Heaven, though I certainly enjoyed it for all it was worth.

I got home around 6:30 and discovered Hezz was going to be here with some college friends! Yayy! Then I left for the first fencing practice of the season. Then things added up...I had to drive myself, half of the electronics in the car weren't working, I had to fill up on gas before getting to fencing, I had to pick up a movie I dropped off at Family Video instead of Blockbuster...nothing huge, but it was all irritating to the point that, at the gas station, I found that my debit card was not inside my wallet, nor was any amount of money. I called Mom (who was less than a mile away) to come rescue me, and promptly broke down in the car, crying like I never have before. The car eventually got gas, and I decided I was in no shape to coach. I barely made it home...you know, driving with tears in your eyes is really hard. Mostly because your mind's obsessed with why you're crying.

At 7:30 I was more or less recomposed. Thinking about that hour befuddles me. I am usually logical about how I handle emotion, and not much phases me, though I might do a double-take. I've been thoroughly trained about how to handle stress and problems that arise: Devise a logical solution and just work through the steps. If it gets hard just focus on finishing one simple step at a time. Tonight I knew none of my "problems" were insurmountable or unsolveable, yet I collapsed under routine stress. It was the first time I'd ever been totally up to the will of my emotions with absolutely no logic to balance them. I hated it, every minute of it, and that just made me cry harder. It was so frustrating, and though I grasped at Truth and tried to beat myself out of this emotional puddle, I simply could not do so with my own strength. But, who came and rescued me? Guess.

Around 7:45 Mom and I drove to the newlywed Hughes' house for games and leftover Halloween candy. I went, and seemed to function normally. I had a blast, and genuinely laughed quite often. Never have I played such a good game of "Catchphrase."

Thus goes Thursday, 2 November 2006. I wanted to document it for future reference, in case this becomes some sort of weird habit, and also to remind my future self of God's incredible sustaining grace. When despair cripples you, O Future Self, and logic cannot be found and reason escapes you, cling to the Truth. Reality may shift and the Truth be unrecognizable or seem unworthy, but BELIEVE and salvation will come. Oh how great is our God!

Much thanks to my mother for being a vessel of God's grace during this crazy evening.


Bubs said...

Logic??? Emotion???
I've learned that those don't go together... much to my frustration...

I jump yards when mad

Laedelas Greenleaf said...

I use logic to control my emotion. Emotion is a good thing, but not alone. It's a tool.

Girls Yell Over Puny Punks