March 30th Was A Long Time Ago...

...considering the speed of the internet. However, at the consistent encouragement of iJosh, I am now on Twitter. Fo now, I am pointing my words at this webpage.

Tonight I visited another fencing club and had a terrible performance in the midst of serious, experienced fencers. I enjoyed the competition, but am frustrated with the mental block between what I know and what I do. Kinda like how I'm helpless before spiritual enemies. I've been meditating on Psalm 116 a lot recently (and Psalm 27). How appropriate to tie my physical weaknesses to my spiritual weaknesses. Even in "fair" competition, I am helpless without my Lord.

Words escape me, so allow me to paint a picture. I'm driving home from fencing, disappointed in myself and asking God why. The David Crowder Band's Church Music album is playing, and the lyrics break through my confusion.

"O grant us reprieve from the fighting

So we just rest our head on the shoulder of the One!"

I can't drive any more, because the Spirit has arrested my soul, and road safety is secondary to the One.

"We are loved!

And it's quite enough

That we are loved!"

Those Psalms come to mind, and I thank the Lord, for

"He has heard

my voice and my pleas for mercy."

I recently decided to pursue an even higher education. An education that will allow me to translate the Bible for people groups who have yet to read the Holy Word in their mother tongue. Think of how different your life would be if the Bible were still in Vulgate Latin, and you can imagine their difficulty. God has placed a specific people group on my heart for whom to pray. I can't picture their faces; I don't know how they communicate; but I want to be the lampstand from which the Holy Spirit illuminates the Bible to them. I get goosebumps, thinking about the possibilities.

None of this is possible on my own. Every day, I wake up and rely on the Lord for inspiration and providence and joy.

Epiphany 2.0

Yesterday I had a nice long chat with my pastor and his wife about Wycliffe Bible Translators. It was humbling and effective. I wanted to hear that I was perfect for the role and should continue in my happy way, but they probed deeper than I thought and shone light on potential problems I'd not anticipated.

Today I realized I needed to take my mind off the trivial stresses I'm currently experiencing and realize there is something beyond me that I cannot fix because Jesus is the only One who can. Rather than watching Batman Begins again, I read Called To Die by Steve Estes. It's a biography of Chet Bitterman, a linguist who worked for Wycliffe and died because of his work translating the Bible. I'm on page 116, and the thought hit me; Can I be motivated for work as a Wycliffe linguist? Jeff and Jo Smothermom (whose stories I was reading) were translating when asked to serve WBT in supportive roles. They hesitated because of their passion for the people for whom they worked. I'd be happy to serve, but could I serve as wholeheartedly and specifically as they? My pastor asked me why I wanted to translate, and the answer I gave was "so I could glorify God and enjoy him forever." Not incorrect, but way too prescripted. I am not motivated to study and fundraise for months before knowing the people for whom I'd be translating.

Dear God, please give me patience on this journey. Give me faces to identify, souls to reach, a culture to learn and a community to become part of so that I may glorify you and, with the help of the Spirit, to illumine the Scriptures to those unreached.

Small Epiphanies

"Truly, I have brought you low, in order that I may lift you up."

On Saturday I attended a recruiting event for Wycliffe Bible Translators, and found lots to love. While driving home the gravity of the opportunity came to bear on my heart. Should I leave (for two years? Five? Thirty?), I'd give up so much. Relationships would change in even more significant ways than they have since my last relocation. I'd give up my self-sufficient pride; in order to do this, I'd need to live off of the generosity of friends and supporters. I'd give up the opportunity to dance with a ministry I love. The weight of such things (most of them good gifts of God) began to pull me away from my desire for ministry. For the first time in memory, I wanted a "normal" life. I didn't even consider how I might minister here; I just wanted comfort. I knew it was wrong, and prayed for sanctification.

Wednesday was the worst day yet at my new job. Working overtime is fine, except when you've been working long hours for weeks, and your bosses are overstressed and show it, and your faults are not handled gracefully. A flicker of a thought came to mind...if I joined Wycliffe, I could escape this pressure cooker. I knew this thought was preposterous.

If I join Wycliffe and water the seeds that others have planted, it will be by God's grace alone. I cannot be motivated by comfort, or escapism, or a sense of adventure. I have a Commission, and it is calling me toward Wycliffe. I may not join or go overseas, and if I do it won't be for a while, but I am called. What can I do but follow?

Home Less

Today, I had the privilege of spending about an hour and a half with a homeless girl. I honestly can't remember her name, so I'm going to call her Carli. She and her friend were panhandling on one of the many steep roads that lead to my college campus. "Stranded!" their sign announced. And then more letters and something about being "...very hungry!" My heart flip flopped, and I pulled over.

I've been reading a book called Under the Overpass, which hasn't changed my views on homeless people, but has strongly encouraged me to put those views into practical application. My policy: I never approach homeless or panhandling men. When they approach me, I'm extremely cautious and never give them anything (except maybe the time of day or directions). I would love to change this policy, but experience has taught me that strangers, and especially male strangers, should not be trusted. Most of the homeless that I've seen are male, so my ability to minister to the homeless is frighteningly small. Ergo I've been praying that God might put me in the path of some homeless females.

Lo and behold, God answered my prayers today! Honestly, I drove around the block several times while wrestling with the duty that called. I had a purpose that didn't include these young women. I didn't know who they were, or what they were doing, or what they could do. A quick call to my mom confirmed that my purpose and questions were disposable, and this is the first time I've seen women panhandling in months. So, I parked and introduced myself to Carli and her friend. I offered a ride, and mentioned food. They jumped at the chance, deciding that Carli would come with me and her friend would watch their stuff and wait to meet Carli's boyfriend. So, my adventure began.

After blasting the heat in hopes that Carli would stop shivering, I drove all around Oakland looking for a parking spot. A grocery store was very close to where I picked her up, but had no parking, so we meandered around (and narrowly avoided crashing into a bus--not my fault!) for a long time, looking for a store with a parking lot. Giant Eagle appeared unexpectedly, and in we went. I told Carli to get whatever she wanted, and she kept her costs around $10, despite my offers of band-aids for her blisters and some purified water. Efficient shopper, that girl!

Throughout this trip, I learned that Carli was a native to this city, but left home at the age of 16 because there was no more home. Her father died, various family members fell ill...so she started drifting. She'd been to lots of places throughout the US, traveling on the Greyhound, which sounded cool to me. She and her friend were living under a bridge in a park near my school, and had made friends with the guy who lived under the other end of the bridge. Do I believe her story? Yes. Do I think she could be living in a more secure place, with a more secure future? Yes to the first part, no to the second. Surely her wanderlust had compounded problems that were already there, ergo her constant wandering and lack of resources. However, none of us have a secure future. If I were in her shoes, I can't say I'd make different choices.

This venture opened up so many possibilities. Forget that I never finished my shopping list. Forget that my wallet is $11 lighter and that I used a lot of gas while looking for a parking lot. Mostly what I'd like to do is learn how to help her more. Sure, what I did might have fed her and her friend for a bit, and the heat in the car felt good, and hopefully our conversation was uplifting, but is that really helping? She mentioned hanging out at a christian shelter called "Connections," but I can't find anything on the internet related to that. I'm really curious about the possibility of volunteering with some such place, though.

Regardless of what I feed her or can do for her physical needs, she needs one thing only: Salvation by Christ alone. Carli told me that she loves Jesus and wants to be like him, but despises organized religion. She went to a Catholic school as a child, and knew some interesting things about the Bible. "Revelations is is WEIRD, man," and "those books--some former generation decided what goes in the Bible and what stays out--how do we know that it's OK for us today?" were two notable quotes. I mentioned that my church was unaffiliated, but couldn't remember the word..."like, non-denominational?" she asked. She seemed cool with that idea, and suddenly changed her opinion and said she likes to go to church and be with people who love each other and love God. Hmm. I regret not asking her to come to my church, but I knew she'd be unable to get there and I won't be at church this coming Sunday, so I am praying that she goes to some church, or that Connections will provide some spiritual guidance, or that God somehow moves in her life so she realizes what she needs.

Why do I write such things? Not to say anything about myself or Carli, but so that you, my dear readers, might be encouraged to see God in this situation and in situations around you. I pray that you and I will be salt unto the earth, that you would see God at work around you, and that you would seek to be part of it.

Please pray with me for Carli, her friend, and her boyfriend.

Challenging women

Rarely do I browse through the Desiring God ministry's blog, but today I did and happened upon an article titled "A Challenge To Women" by John Piper. I thought this might be beneficial, so I read it while listening to a message by John Piper. I really liked how point # 6 encouraged women to be deep thinkers of theology and understand God's grace, point # 7 encouraged us to capture every moment for God's work, and point # 13 advocated a "wartime mentality." :-) I disagreed with some points, although Jon corrected me for disliking point # 3 by quoting 1 Peter 2:12.

However, as I got farther down the list, it seemed to be rather paternalistic. Point # 11 gets under my skin-it's not expressly written for mothers, but it seems to be applied specifically for child-rearing women. Should I consider this, then? Because, frankly, when looking at the lady in Proverbs 31, having a job can be anything but deleterious. Also, when Piper wrote the extensive list of ministries that a woman can participate in, I was slightly miffed. Round-a-bout the "Sports ministries" listing, however, I realized that most of these were areas that anyone (regardless of sex) could participate in. I also realized that many of them could be paying jobs within the government. Which brings up another question.

Couldn't I work in an organization like the government, fulfill their secular requirements, and still be working for God? I'm thinking specifically of my signing skills and the contact with the Deaf community that I hope to have some day. Theoretically, yes. However, when I look closer at such a situation, I doubt it. The role I want to play as God's ambassador while fulfilling someone's physical need should be a ministry through the church, not the government. I often get upset when I see the government picking up the church's slack in ministry, and doing a horrible job at it. So, I've come to the conclusion that a job may pay the bills and still be a ministry while fulfilling secular requirements, but the minute God blesses me with a provider (read: husband), I must invest in volunteering my skills and time--perhaps in the same capacity, but with financial freedom.

This list is not paternalistic. Nor does it seem to condemn my current situation or future goals. It is most certainly written by a human, and not the Word of God, ergo it is fallible. It did challenge my motivations, however, and that is hardly a bad thing. Much thanks to John Piper for stimulating my mind once again!

In other news, Goldilox by King's X (an '80's Christian band) has become my anthem of the past weeks.