The Problem With Sin

There are many problems with sin. Obviously, the first and most concerning is that God cannot tolerate it. But on a (much more) smaller note, it's not healthy for me. Allow me to explain.

I've been sinning against God this Summer in questioning his law, his goodness, and his leadership. I wander away, questing after shadows, then the gracious Hand arrests my soul and centers me on Himself again. I've been preferring the world's fruit to God's love. I seek someone else's attention, rather than giving my attention to the One who so clearly deserves it. The first time I realized my error, I repented in tears and meditated much on Scripture that shed light on my path. When it happened again, I remembered the thoughts I had earlier, but didn't seek restitution so enthusiastically. Now, when I realize that I'm sinning this way again, I sigh exasperatedly. My soul has been numbed to the conviction of the Holy Spirit. It's as though there were a scab on my soul, and because it was constantly being picked, a callous developed in its place.

Considering this, I see clearly that, when sin recurs, I must seek repentance doubly hard, to avoid doing so yet a third time. And yet, I see my sin and don't want to put in the effort to change. Really?! Don't want to be reunited with the lover of my soul? How ridiculous! How piteously small-minded!

It seems the only thing that quickens my soul to the Spirit is the thought of my friend's salvation. Lord, change my heart. Purge me of the dross, and put treasures in this earthly vessel of Yours.