Conversations

Sometimes, conversations take place over extended periods of time. Tonight, I just continued one such conversation with an artist I admire greatly, Makoto Fujimura. If you have the inclination, feel free to peruse his side of our most recent conversation. My side will (hopefully) begin in a few days, but first I have lots to think about. My company recently threw out quite a few canvases that my roommates and I rescued. I've covered half a dozen in gesso, and they wait in the basement for a creative mind and some paint. I plan to begin by recreating a horridly constructed painting of mine from high school, a sunset, because it will allow me to brush up (ha, ha...) on my painting techniques and the color wheel. After that, I hope to take a sketch I created about spiritual warfare and paint that. Mako's discussion of Rouault's spirituality has stirred up those ideas regarding art and faith which I love so much. My artwork will benefit as a result.

I Have A Blog?!

Oh, yeah, the Blog! So much for Sunday Summaries. Well, here's a summary of the past 3 Sundays: Awesome. 'Cos God was there. Anyway, I read something from Chuck Colson at FCA-Doing Sports God's Way that I thought may be beneficial to you all.

Pastor Chuck Swindoll, accepting a Lifetime Achievement Award at Catalyst 09, offered the following lessons he has learned:

1. It’s lonely to lead. Leadership involves tough decisions. The tougher the decision, the lonelier it is.
2. It’s dangerous to succeed. I’m most concerned for those who aren’t even 30 and are very gifted and successful. Sometimes God uses someone right out of youth, but usually he uses leaders who have been crushed.
   
3. It’s hardest at home. No one ever told me this in Seminary.
4. It’s essential to be real. If there’s one realm where phoniness is common, it’s among leaders. Stay real.
   
5. It’s painful to obey. The Lord will direct you to do some things that won’t be your choice. Invariably you will give up what you want to do for the cross.
6. Brokenness and failure are necessary.
7. Attitude is more important than actions. Your family may not have told you: some of you are hard to be around. A bad attitude overshadows good actions.
8. Integrity eclipses image. Today we highlight image. But it’s what you’re doing behind the scenes.
9. God’s way is better than my way.
10. Christlikeness begins and ends with humility.

Challenges

Sometimes, life comes at you fast. This past month has been one of those times. Going from one challenge to another messes with one's priorities. Example: Job challenges are far below spiritual challenges. As you may know, I've recently been fighting the good fight (or Fight, as it may be) to a different (higher?) degree. Yesterday, I Peter 5:7 came to mind as I was praying for the various trials of friends and family. I was (am) unable to bear up under such things; fortunately I am not required to carry even the weight of my own sin. Today I was talking with Galadriel while finishing gluten-free cookies for my Faerie roommate. We began with Keith Green and wandered all over the topics of fatalism, ideology, predestination, spiritual warfare, Eastern religion, sociology...you get the picture. I was challenged that my standard was not high enough. I see that I've taken the perspective of "well, I'm doing all I can so that must be enough." I also see that the perspective I should (and have) had is, to put it very simply, "nothing I do is good enough. God does all. Follow Him." Galadriel brought up Romans 14:23b and challenged me. I was challenged. I searched the phrase "sober minded" in the ESV, and was particuarly struck by I Peter 5:8, a good follow-up to the verse I mentioned earlier (link). I will commit these verses to memory. I will spend more time in my prayer closet. By the grace of God...

Sunday Summaries Return

Some of my (very) long-time readers may remember the Sunday Summaries of the past. I've decided to renew the (almost) tradition. Ergo, the following post.

Today, my new church (what a bittersweet thought) celebrated their 25th year of existence. The sermon is not yet available, but you can find it here at some point soon. Video would be fantastic, since a lot of the service involved testimonies and drama etc. Regardless, I had a few notes I'd like to share.

• John 15:1-11 came to mind at some point (don't remember the context). And then this word came... "Pray this would happen to Covenant of Grace! We are being pruned ...will we prove ourselves abiding in Christ? Only then will we bear fruit & survive the fire."
  
• During J. Reyes' message, I heard the promise that God never lies. How refreshing!
• The skit that illustrated the last 25 years of this church involved a part reflecting on the charismatic attitude during worship. I responded in my notebook with "I miss my charismatic roots! How countercultural can that be now, in a well-groomed age that has all the "answers" (i.e. Google)?
  

Recipes

Well! What with all this "extra" time I have in my schedule after work, I've been making lots of sweet stuff with one of my housemates (not sure what to call him...working on that). Today we made Bailey's Truffle Fudge, and I highly recommend it. Before that we made ginger cookies and have made plenty of chocolate chip cookies too. I'm currently searching for a recipe for gluten-free chocolate chip cookies for my other housemate (the Faerie). Any suggestions?

Job Search = Over

Today I finally deleted all 4 job searches I had with Monster.com. Whew! There were times I thought I'd never disconnect from that website. I've had those searches going since February and March, and it paid off :-) Much thanks to God our Father, who provides to each in turn!

Land of Corn

Well! I have moved West! Not quite the Grey Havens, but you get the idea :-) I've had quite a few new adventures since moving. Many of them involve my daily bike ride. It's pretty cool--I wake up and have an adventure before I even get to work! I miss my Steel Town friends like mad, though. I feel like I have no social life, which is totally not true, but I'm used to having every evening and every weekend filled with friends to the max. Some wise lady I live with (we'll call her Galadriel) suggested I get my car fixed (did I mention a friend gave me her old car?!) so I won't go crazy living in the middle of all these cornfields. She didn't use those exact words...but that's basically where I'm living :-) A Steel Town friend suggested I get Twitter...I think that's a good sign I should blog more. 'Specially considering I spend significantly less time on the internet in my new surroundings.

Leaving

I didn't know this could be so painful. The memories are making me woozy with tears. I am redefining myself; my childhood is tearing apart. It's not even the stuff. I can do without stuff. The people have become part of me. Saying "fare well" to live bodies is so much harder than saying "goodbye" to a corpse. They are mourning as well. I am not as important as I once thought.

I'm moving. I'll miss you. Regardless of who you are and where, our relationship is going to change and I'll miss the "old" you. What we had was good. I have faith that what we will have is better. Heaven will be best, because we will see our Savior face to face, together. At last. Completely whole, together. Thank you.

Boasting About Tomorrow

Come now, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a town and spend a year there and trade and make a profit”— yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes. Instead you ought to say, “If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that.” As it is, you boast in your arrogance. All such boasting is evil. So whoever knows the right thing to do and fails to do it, for him it is sin.
~ James 4:13-17

Today, as I drove home from a promising job interview, this verse proved to be poignantly true twice. God kept me alive for a reason...God, please help me to discern the right thing to do!

The Illumination of Scripture

Aiiee! So much to blog about...so many half-baked thoughts that I haven't translated to English yet! Ah, well. Since blogging last, I've failed to blog about Zambia, fractured my fibula, gotten violently ill, traveled to the Worship God 09 conference and bid "farewell" (of sorts) to an old friend. And did I mention that the Holy Spirit has been mightily at work? Allow me to share some of his workings...

Matthew 4:1-11
Two things can be observed through this passage: The behavior of Christ and of Satan.

• Jesus was following the leading of the Spirit when he went to the wilderness and fasted.
• Satan came uninvited.
• Satan tempted Jesus in three ways:

1. For natural provision (food)
2. To test God’s promise (protection)
3. His faithfulness to God

• Jesus responded the same to all three temptations: With scripture.
• Satan quoted scripture to Jesus as well, but Jesus responded with scripture that was in context.
  
• Conclusion: Know Scripture! How can one wield a sword poorly forged?
  

Romans 7:7-25

"I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. ... Wretched [wo]man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself serve the law of God with my mind, but with my flesh I serve the law of sin." (v. 15, 24-25)

James 4:13-17
As I ponder my future and past and present, these verses are particularly poignant. Especially when placed next to some good Proverbs. One moment, I am despairing of ever moving forward. Another, I am tossed about on the winds of indecision. God is indeed my rock, refuge, and shelter.

73 New E-Mails

I have returned to my parents home, with many tales of God's incomprehensible grace to share. Thank you for being part of those stories. I hope to share them soon!

God's Promises

I am currently meditating on God's promises to me. A friend and I were talking, and the topic came up. I teach the 3-5 year-old class in my church's children's ministry, and one of the modules that I taught was on God's promises. It drove home the point that God always keeps his promises, which has been great encouragement to me. But tonight I was wondering exactly what God has promised me, and the few results I've come up with are astonishing. Eternal life, being an heir with Christ, a way out from temptation, gifts of the Holy Spirit, a spirit of power, love, and self-control...the list goes on. And on. I may add to what I know of this list, when it's not 1 AM the day before I leave for Zambia. Which of God's promises do you know about?

Independence Day

Pet peeve: People wishing each other a "happy fourth." You know, the British had a 4th of July, too...not every nation celebrates their independence.

I leave for the African continent in about 60 hours. To celebrate, I'm eating the most American food I can think of...hamburgers, hotdogs, corn on the cob, and chocolate ice cream. The next few days will (hopefully) be full of food I've never tasted before. I'd better eat my fill :-)

May you all have profound thoughts on the definition of "freedom" today.

Birthday

[So much to blog about, so little time. I may get around to it before I leave for Zambia, but probably not. Sorry, Future Self! I hope the memories stick around without the aid of this blog.]

So, my birthday was on Saturday. A friend posted 1 Timothy 4:12 on my Facebook wall, and it was really encouraging. Usually around my birthday I meditate on my own frailty, mortality, and fallenness, but this verse made me meditate on how Paul exhorted Timothy to live. "...set the believers an example in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity." Why did Paul write those things in that order? Considering that this was Paul, and it's scripture, that order was not haphazard. I'm thinking it reflects a person's character, working from what is immediately noticeable toward one's heart.

Five parts to a young leader's moral foundation...

1. Speech
2. Conduct
3. Love
4. Faith
5. Purity

Number 1 caught my attention. My speech habits have not been exemplary of late. I am not a perfect example in any of these five areas, but I certainly ignore my speech. Not only is it the first item on this list, it's one of the first things people notice about me. So many verses in the Bible convict me of habits that used to prick my conscience but no longer damage my calm. I pray God would give me the grace to be a loudspeaker for him, to produce only the sounds he wills me to speak.

Thanks, David, for the verse!

Story Of My Life

Ironic that a webzine called Boundless would publish an article on humans' limits. Regardless, it was a good article. It outlines one of the biggest aspects of my college education.

I'm A Little In Love With Today's Weather

Deep blue sky, puffs of white
alternate
dark foreboding clouds.

Sunshine chases shadow.

Wind
Trees and grass make music
birds, cicadas all
sounds carry
Hair has life of its own.

Violent energy communicates peace.

Makes me smile.

Suummmmmmmertiiiiiiiiime...And The Posting Is Seldommmmmmm...

Today felt like the first "real" day of Summer. It was hot, humid, and I worked for a total of 12 hours at two jobs. Yes, I am a workaholic, and this is rarely more evident than during Summers.

Quickie update: I spent a week in a three-room apartment in NYC helping a friend reorganize her apartment and eating amazing food. Note: Don't cut through ancient plaster ceilings without knowing what's up there. There could be a live gas pipe :P When I got back, we had the last fencing practice of the year, and of our current head coach's career. Then I had my first week at my new job, which is an incredible blessing (despite appearances--isn't that how God usually works?). Then I spent three days in Akron doing sound tech work for a dance show. The show almost shocked me out of my seat...and definitely distracted me from my job :-P I hope my job didn't distract anyone from the show...

It's been a whirlwind month, and I love life like that. Unfortunately, something major in my life is changing, and I am having a hard time adjusting, and wondering if perhaps I should change in response to these new possible situations. I'm not free to discuss what it is, but I'm losing sleep over it. Encouragement has come from the oddest of places. A friend blogged about remodeling, my iPod (Max) randomly played this song, another song played in the restaurant where I work (the band seems promising). All of this in addition to good conversations with important people. God is showering grace on me constantly, pressed down and shaken together.

Speaking of grace, here's a Zambia update: I'm not 100% positive, but it looks as if (assuming I can get the deadline pushed back a few days) I'll have the Zambia trip completely paid for by next week?! Praise God in unutterable ways!

Sarah Grace Is Home!

I've blogged about this in the past, but finally Sarah-Grace is on her way home! She looks so much older than she did when I first saw her...Maybe I'll get to meet her at the Knight of Betrayal.

Sunlight

This band played at my sister's college recently. Even though I wasn't familiar with their music, I enjoyed it so much. This song, in particular, was so much fun live. I later found out that Noele was a "mentor" to me when I first started to play violin with my church. She sent my father a long e-mail about how a violinist can contribute to the worship experience. I admit...I turned into a fan girl and got everyone to sign a poster advertising the event. Cheesy? Perhaps. But I enjoyed it :-) Hopefully I'll see them play live again!

Zambia & Finances

Update on Zambia: It's expensive!

You're probably laughing at me, and rightly so :-) I am, at times, slightly amused that I accepted such a financial responsibility while being "unemployed." My two current jobs don't count as employment, because I work approximately 40 hours/month. I could at least quadruple that.

Anyway, I'd appreciate it if y'all could pray for me. $1250 is due to the church office by Friday, and I have (maybe) half of that amount. I know that God will provide, because he is the one leading me on this trip and he fulfills all his promises. However, I need faith to believe in his promises and trust that God is not just a thought, but a real, actual being who can sustain me financially. In addition, I have an interview on Thursday with a reputable company near my neighborhood who is hiring. This job is far from my ideal job, but does involve a paycheck and might just be God's provision. I would appreciate prayer for this, as well.

Thank you so much for your support! I'm applying for a visa next weekend, just got shots, and will buy insurance tomorrow. Things are rolling, and I'm excited! Random: I'm taking the typhoid vaccination as a series of pills, because that was cheaper than an injection. So I'm currently wearing an orange rubber bracelet that says "Remember Oral Typhoid Vaccine." The reactions have been rather amusing. Everyone thinks it's some moral cause, when in fact I'm just trying to remember every other day that I can't eat for a period of 3 hours, during which I gotta swallow a plastic pill.