tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15130441.post1816743374826148359..comments2011-10-08T22:48:32.626-04:00Comments on Thoughts of a Wood Elf: Creative Writing, Health, And NYR UpdateLaedelas Greenleafhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09125748354062785426noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15130441.post-78040384400094760592008-03-28T21:45:00.000-04:002008-03-28T21:45:00.000-04:00So I somehow missed this post last time but...You ...So I somehow missed this post last time but...You honestly want to know what I think of the beginning description? Honestly? Hope so.<BR/> I'm saying this only 'cause I'm your friend and your former editor and I'm still evil but I know you can take it. <BR/>I'm thinking - not so great. Actually, rather cumbersome. The second sentence was awkward, but has a fun feeling. If you'd kept that mocking tone and stuck with the 'theme' you started you might have had something. Just in there on it's own, though, it's not really working. It sounds like it's trying to be clever and cleverness should feel effortless.<BR/>Good thoughts, though, you conveyed a bit of atmosphere. Unfortunately, most of it was lost in the cumbersome syntax and strange juxtaposition of words. Using 'great' and a reference to Star Wars to start off, and then throwing in words like 'yet', 'pleasant' 'clarify' and 'ones' keeps you from establishing a tone and stops the sentences from flowing together. <BR/> 'Darkness snaked long fingers around corners and into tree branches' I like that. I like it a lot. Light on grass blades is good, too, (I might leave out windowpanes because they're overused), but that whole sentence is unwieldy. Play with it and it will come out right.<BR/>All in all, I'd say that it has potential but lacks flow and a cohesive tone. The paragraph has the feeling of a lot of ideas about the evening thrown together; it doesn't really convey the evening itself. <BR/>Aren't you glad you asked? Aren't you glad I'm not your editor anymore? ;-)Brekahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12222519565101536667noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15130441.post-12756443085321673192008-03-13T00:09:00.000-04:002008-03-13T00:09:00.000-04:00A: It was delivered intravenously, and I had no w...A: It was delivered intravenously, and I had no way of storing any if I got it. Sorry.<BR/><BR/>F: I don't get the alien reference, but thanks for rubbing meat in the vegan wounds...wait, that doesn't make sense, does it?<BR/><BR/>JD: I didn't know I had company on my NYR travails, I mean, travels! (just kidding) Thanks for the update--the pics of your house look great!Laedelas Greenleafhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09125748354062785426noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15130441.post-46250896111749652582008-03-12T23:59:00.000-04:002008-03-12T23:59:00.000-04:00Hrm - I hadn't heard of the "eat a tasty animal da...Hrm - I hadn't heard of the "eat a tasty animal day" before.<BR/><BR/>It is as some folks like to say: if God did want us to eat animals, why did he make them out of meat??<BR/><BR/>Or, the opposite: I don't eat vegetables because I dislike meat - I just really hate plants.<BR/><BR/>Also, I forgot to tell you how we are doing on your New Year's resolution... I bought a pair of gloves since I showed up at Seven Springs without them on one of the coldest days of the year, ugh. Heather just bought me a pair for Christmas. I bought some books at Jubilee. We are about to buy a house, though it is used, so I guess that doesn't count. We will have some new purchases to go along with the house though.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15130441.post-51306447991005986942008-03-11T21:01:00.000-04:002008-03-11T21:01:00.000-04:00you know after you haddn't posted for about two we...you know after you haddn't posted for about two weeks, I was beginning to assume the worst.<BR/><BR/>Your galbladder rips out of your adbomen a la Alien and gets into the ductwork.<BR/><BR/>regarding the Vegan thing, I'd like to post a reminder that March 15 is international Eat A Tasty Animal for PETA day! Get your Carnivore on!Fuzzyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15676463497863817512noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15130441.post-67141403990378573912008-03-11T20:05:00.000-04:002008-03-11T20:05:00.000-04:00Can you get me some of that goo? I wanna try it t...Can you get me some of that goo? I wanna try it too! HEE HEE HEE!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com